Friday, July 22, 2011

Day 15 - Last Day With Daddy

Today began with solemn hearts.  Mark packed his bags, and I drowsily got out of bed knowing what this day would bring.  We ate breakfast at the Guest House with all the families we've enjoyed spending time with so much, and headed out for the transition home.  This morning, Zane was a little crabby.  There was a big thunderstorm last night, and I'm assuming he didn't sleep very well.  Also, I've noticed his nose is running more than usual, so he may have a cold.  I encouraged Mark to hold him as much as possible today, and I stood back more to allow them time together.  The morning flew by, and Zane refused to stay awake and eat his lunch.  He was so fussy and rubbing his eyes so much that we let him fall asleep at 11:30 (about 30-45 minutes earlier than usual) About 12:30, we gave him to his nanny, and we headed to lunch with our group.  This afternoon we split into a shopping group and a transition home group.  Of course, Mark and I decided to go back to the transition home to see our precious little boy.  He slept for over three hours.  At 2:45, they woke him up, changed him, and let him come outside with us.  He was in a better mood this afternoon.  He played with Daddy, ate well, and had a pretty good afternoon (despite the looming cloud of sadness covering us because Mark was leaving.  I exaggerate a little.)  Mark was able to say goodbye and love on Zane as we left.  He gave him to his nanny, and Zane screamed and cried more than we've ever seen.  We knew it was best if we left quickly, but it was so hard to tear ourselves away from him, especially for Mark.  

In this process there is no clear road, no answers, and no one telling you how much longer until you get there. The past two weeks has been an amazing time of bonding, adventure, and family building for the Brannans.  We've enjoyed being in Ethiopia together, and getting to know our son and his heritage.  However, it is so difficult to part ways and not know how long it will be until we see each other again.  Mark is my best friend, and frankly, he makes the whole trip a lot of fun for everyone.  He leaves a trail of laughter wherever he goes. Mark's jokes and good humor even surpass cultural boundaries, as our new Ethiopian friends have gotten a kick out of him the past two weeks as well.  When he leaves, I feel like my personality changes too.  Together, he makes the jokes, and I laugh at them!  (Every single one...over and over again...) It's a perfect match!  But I'm afraid I'm a little more shy without Mark's witty one-liners and quick remarks.  

Ultimately, I know that God is refining both of us.  He always is.  We're not really living, unless we are changing.  Living things are meant to grow, renew, and change over time.  Spiritually, we are dead if we are not allowing Christ to change us.  Time away from people you love and depend on is a great way for God to remind you of His depth of love, His presence, and His surpassing greatness.  His words and His work among us are so evident when all distractions cease, and we can see His face.  

This is what I pray for during this time that Mark and I are apart.  Like Moses, I do not want to go anywhere if the Lord's presence does not go with me.  Like him, I ask, "Lord, now show me your glory..." (Exodus 33).


Kat Armstrong said...

Cim- I am praying every single morning. I cant wait to meet and Zane! Thank you for sharing your heart. It means so much. I am asking God to bring you peace with Mark gone. You are so right. His humor is a gift to everyone around him ;)

Michelle said...

Praying for peace and quick passage of time...enjoy that precious little guy!