I went to the terrace early this morning with Zane strapped to me by an Ergo. We walked the four corners of the terrace looking out onto the city, and it seemed so peaceful. Looking down from up above gives you new perspective and new hope. I prayed aloud for my heart, as I am grieving tremendously the absence of my husband. I asked the Lord to remind me once again of the lesson he has taught me my entire life, in every season, that He alone is enough. I prayed aloud over every fruit of the Holy Spirit to be alive and not quenched in my soul. I asked for LOVE to abound in my heart, that I may see everyone and every situation as God sees them, for he IS love. I asked for JOY to fill my soul because it is already mine in the Holy Spirit that God says lives within me. I prayed for PEACE of mind to know that God is over government, authority, and all adoption legalities. I asked God for PATIENCE to see what God is doing in and around me, and help me understand why I must wait. I prayed for KINDNESS to exude from my mouth and my heart, so that all I come in contact with would see Him. I prayed for GOODNESS to be my motivation for giving my time and my energy to Zane each minute. I asked for FAITHFULNESS to fight the good fight, and win the race; to stay true to the calling he has given me in this season of my life. I asked for GENTLENESS to be on my face and in my heart as I speak to Zane and teach him what love is. I prayed for SELF-CONTROL to remember that my first calling is not to my husband, to adoption, to Zane, or America. My calling is to Him alone. He is all that I ever have or ever will need. Oh that I could always find satisfaction in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my light and my salvation. He is my fortress; I will NEVER be shaken.
This time with God, plus the devotional time Zane and I are spending together each morning, set my eyes and my heart on God alone. Thankfully, I invested in book called 100 Ways to Know God Loves Me from Target's online site. Every day, it has a verse, a story that relates to children, and a song to sing along with the devotional. Zane loves the songs, and I don't know if he's listening to the devotional at all, but God's word is going forth. The titles have been perfect: I Know God Loves Me Because...He gave me a family, He gave me a home, He gave me friends, etc. For me, it reminds me of all the things I have to be thankful for, and the many blessings God has given me. My purpose, no matter where I am is to know Him and make Him known. Lord, let it be. I pray He reveals Himself to me, and He shows Himself faithful and true to others at all times.
Zane was on schedule the rest of the day, played well, had a lot of fun with Mommy, and ate well too! I am so thankful that God reminded me that he is good, he gives us rest, and he fills our hearts with joy.