Day 23 - Addis Ababa Retirement?

Church this morning was fantastic again.  I absolutely love worshiping God there.  His presence is evident because I sense His spirit moving there among the people.  Today, my favorite song leader lead us in worship.  She is the one who led us the first week we were here with Hillsong worship songs.  I absolutely love the beautiful lyrics Hillsong worship team writes about the Lord.  They help me articulate so much that I want to say to Him.  Every week in this sermons series the pastor is on, a member of the congregation gets up and shares their testimony of how they re-connected with God during difficult times.  This week the sermon was on Re-connecting with God by Demolishing Strongholds.  A guy from California, who now lives with his wife and son in Addis, shared his testimony about how God delivered him from drugs and a life of promiscuity.  At age 13, he was arrested for selling drugs at school, and his life had spiraled down from there until God revealed Himself to him when he was 21 and reading the bible only to prove its irrelevance and inconceivability.  Shortly afterward, God allowed him to meet a woman that He had protected from much of the evil in the world.  This woman was the young lady leading worship this morning.  What a blessing he has received in her.  Now they serve in Ethiopia teaching people about the value of life, God's love, and His grace.

After church, Mom and I went to Lime Tree by ourselves.  It is above the spa we visited the other day.  It's a very "whole food" type restaurant with fresh juices, sandwiches, baked items, and some dinner-type dishes.  We got curry chicken and vegetables with white rice, ate half of it, and saved room for the vanilla and chocolate marble cake in the window at the cash register.  We were only able to eat half of the cake, but it was delicious.  The icing was like cream cheese with a little bit of sugar...not too sweet.  The machiattos we had combined perfectly with the cake that satisfied our craving.   One of the cool things about Lime Tree is that it is attached to an Ethiopian book store.  It's kind of like a tourist book shop with history books on Ethiopia, regular fiction and non-fiction best-sellers like you'd see in America, and children's books with English and Amharic translations.  Mom and I were thrilled to pick up several books for Zane that I know he will appreciate having so much when he is older.  One teaches household Amharic words by taking an adopted Ethiopian boy through his new house.  The other one teaches the Ethiopian legend of the origins of coffee, another is a book on Harar, Zane's home region, and another is a general Ethiopian history book in pictures.  The last item we purchased Zane will be able to enjoy now, a CD of Ethiopian children's songs in Amharic!  We have not seen anything else like these books as we've been shopping, so we were delighted to stumble upon them today.

By the way, all of these books cost us $28.35 USD!

After our great finds, we headed to the transition home where we saw Zane for a couple of hours this afternoon.  He was excited to get outside and walk again today; however, today he was Mr. Independent!  He walked several times all by himself, without hesitation, straight into my arms with the biggest, most proud smile you can imagine.  He was really into the car and truck again that Mimi gave him.  We rolled it to each other over and over again.  He's getting so much more coordinated with everything he does.  It's amazing how much progress he's made physically since we've been here.  With Mark and I, Zane learned how to walk up and down stairs (with support) throw, "catch", and kick a soccer ball.  With Mom and I, he's learned to roll the cars, balance on the curb (with support), slide down the slide in the playground, and climb playground equipment.  It's really awesome to watch him develop so quickly.  He absolutely loves praise, and he's great at getting it from all of us!  

Today he wanted to feed himself with the spoon and the dinner they brought out was soupy pasta stars.  Remember the pasta stars comments?  Zane usually hates pasta stars!  Not today.  He would NOT eat them when I tried to feed them, but he ate almost the entire bowl when I allowed him to feed himself.  Ha!  (I shouldn't say that he almost ate the entire bowl because about 1/4 of the bowl ended up in my lap, as Zane would put the spoon in his mouth sideways, upside down, and every which way.)  It was neat to see him try to do it on his own, but I hope he still wants his mommy to feed him sometimes!

Tonight we just walked about 10 minutes to Kaldi's Coffee down a street much like Bourbon Street in New Orleans; however we didn't see anything inappropriate, if you know what I mean.  I feel like such a "big girl" venturing out on my own.  There were people everywhere, and so many kind "Allo's" and "Hi's".  There is a Kaldi's on almost every corner of Addis, just like Starbucks, but this Kaldi's is a two story with a full glass window facade and it's packed with people.  Unlike Starbucks, Kaldi's offers outstanding Carmel Machiattos for about $0.88, Machiattos for $0.70, and scoops of icecream for about $0.50.  I could spend the rest of my days hanging out at Kaldi's with my two favorite food groups:  coffee and icecream.  Mom had chocolate icecream made with real cocoa powder, and I had kiwi icecream!  Not to mention our terrific Ethiopian coffee!  Between cheap coffee, icecream, food, and books Addis Ababa may not be a bad place to retire!

On the walk home, a guy about my age said, "Jesus loves you" sort of passively as we walked by him.  I turned around, smiled, and said, "Jesus loves you too."  He replied, "You know that?"  to which I said, "Yes!  Of course!"  Louder now he smiled and said, "Bless God!"  I love the encouragement we both received in that moment from the Lord, just knowing that we weren't alone in the world.  We both know the risen Savior!  It was a perfect ending to a wonderful day.

Day 23 - Ben

This morning, we were surprised to learn that we'd be going to the transition home!  Usually we go to the TH in the afternoon on Sat. and we are only allowed one visit.  The Pfeifers came in this morning to pick up their little girl, so we got to go early!

Praise music poured out of the school room when we arrived.  The sound of African Children's voices singing songs like "Blessed Be the Name" by Matt Redman, and "Sing, Sing, Sing" by Chris Tomlin was so refreshing.  A tall, young Ethiopian walked out of the school room wearing a brown t-shirt with a large golden print of Africa in the middle.  Across it read a bible verse that I can't remember for the life of me, but I remember thinking, "He is a Christian."  He sat down and asked about Zane.  I told him where we were in the process, and I explained that we're waiting on a letter.  It seemed like he understood, but he had more to say.  He then explained that he was given to an orphanage 40 km outside of Addis when his mom died at 8 years old.  He told us he graduated from University and was teaching music to orphans now.  He was so proud to share his story.  I could tell that he that his pain was being used for God's glory.

Difficult times in our lives can seem hopeless.  I can't imagine the hopelessness he must have felt when his father told him, "I cannot take care of you anymore.  Your mom is gone, and I cannot feed you."  I wonder how an 8 year old processes such drastic change and the realization of abandonment.  Likewise, it's hard to imagine the pain of his father and the hopelessness he felt knowing that he can't even provide for his children.  What a seemingly impossible situation.

Ben, my new friend in the Lord, has experienced redemption.  Often we think of redemption as one moment in our lives where we receive God's grace and decide to give our lives to him, and it is definitely that.  But it is so much more.  God's redemption is eternal, constant, and it never returns void.  Every situation in our life is redeemed when we surrender it to the Lord.  The painful moment in Ben's life is a season that could have been wasted; a moment that could have forever been marked by loss, tormenting memories, depression, and growing bitterness.  If Ben hadn't trusted the Lord with his life, he may have turned out a very different man.  Praise God that Ben realizes that God does not leave us as orphans, He comes to us, rescues us, and makes every parts of our lives reflect His glory.

I think we all have a choice in this life to do as Ben has done or turn inwardly self-centered and angry with the hand we've been dealt.  The truth is that Satan is having his way in our lives if we do the latter.  The Great Redeemer waits to make all things good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  He longs to restore what Satan took from you and more.  Ben is experiencing the glory that God reveals when He is allowed to restore loss in our lives.

I pray for Zane to understand God more than he understands his circumstances.  No one, by looking at their past, can resolve the question "why?"  I pray that Zane so personally knows God's redemption that his past becomes a story used for God's glory.  More than that, I pray his commitment and love for Jesus would pile more blessings upon him than he could ever think possible.  Though their be pain in life, I pray for the supernatural joy that come from Christ to permeate his entire being.

Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Day 22 - Belly Laughs

Mom and I went to the transition home this morning at about 9:30 with two other families here picking up their children to go home forever.  It was great to see one of Zane's friends reunited with his parents after a long wait between their first court appointment in January and their embassy trip this week.

Zane eyed me through the window when I arrived this morning and reached for me.  The nanny quickly changed him and brought him outside.  He was calm and cuddly and stared at his friend as he sat with his new parents.  Then, I brought out the new toys.  Mom brought cars, trucks, books, and balls for Zane to play with here, and I've been trying to bring one or two to him at a time.  I let him get tired of them, then bring new ones when he's ready for something different.  Today it was the Monster Truck and Hot Wheels car.  I thought he would be interested in looking at them and holding them for a while, then take off to go walking as usual.  But he immediately sat on the porch and started rolling them.  We played for a while rolling the cars back-and-forth, as Mom directed them to go the right direction (thanks Mom!).  Each time Zane rolled it or caught it, I yelled, "YEA!"  and his face lit up with a beautiful smile.  This went on for a while, then Zane decided to stand up, walk around the back of a chair, using it for support, smile at his friends, and walk proudly by himself back over to me.  I grabbed him and squeezed him so tight, and he grinned one of those open-mouthed, toothy grins that grabs my heart.  Zane did the same thing about three more times throughout the morning, and each time I squeezed him and showed him how proud I was of him.  It made him so happy to make his mama proud!

One of the books Mom brought for Zane is a cars book that makes noises when you press the buttons.  Zane learned yesterday that if he presses a certain button, the music that plays has a catchy rhythm that makes him want to move.  He pressed it about 15 times in a row today and moved his upper body back and forth to dance to the rhythm.  Each time he did it, I mimicked him and stopped when the music stopped.  He would start it up again, and I danced automatically.  He thought it was so funny that the toothy grin came back out and I couldn't help but kiss him 1,000 times on his sweet cheeks!  Mom caught some of it on video, so I'm super glad to have "Zane and my first dance" recorded!

Zane continues to be more and more comfortable with "Mimi", my mom.  He went to her three or four times today and gave her hugs.  She melted with delight.  He's such a sweet boy.

Just before lunch, Zane and I were alone together on the porch.  He threw his car down, and I set him on his feet to get it.  When I put him down, he immediately got into his fastest moving stance (the crawl) and took off for the stairs.  I grabbed him and swung him upward just as he grabbed the car in his hand.  He thought it was hilarious!  He laughed so hard!  So since he thought it was a big joke that he nearly tumbled down the stairs, I tilted him backward and tickled his throat.  He chuckled as he threw his head backward and starred into the sky.  I swung him toward me, lifted his head to my shoulder and kissed him with 100 kisses on his face, then swung him backward again.  This time, I heard the first belly laugh from Zane as I tickled his throat again.  We did this three or four more times before I spun around several times with him next to my chest.  His face was priceless.

This experience marks one of the first times that I felt Zane really trust me without fear.  From the moment I grabbed him from his crawl to swinging him around and around, until I felt dizzy, he rested freely in my arms knowing that I would not let him fall.  For both of us, it was unrestricted, thrilling fun!  Of course, I wasn't the one being swung around in the air, but I delighted so much in seeing him completely enthralled with the moment, that it felt like I was experiencing the entire event with him.

Sometimes I wonder if my cautious nature, skepticism, or overanalyzation of events causes me to miss out on the delight God has for me in this life.  I imagine there have been many times that God wanted me to release my head, lay back in his arms, and look up at the sky in complete abandonment as Zane did.  I'm sure He has longed for me to trust him to pick me up and rescue me from tumbling.  He knows the thrilling moment with Him that I refuse at times, and I know His heart breaks at my fussing and whining.  If I could only see His arms surrounding me, I wonder if I'd be so careful.  What am I really risking to fall completely into His plan for my life?  Better yet, what am I risking to NOT let go and surrender my life into His hands?

For Zane and I, we would have lost a special memory; a moment in time that will never be repeated, and one that I will never forget.  For God, there may be much more at stake.  Our entire life's joy and satisfaction relies on Him.  We will only know the thrilling ride of life with Jesus if we surrender our reservations and hindrances and dive in fully to the Christian life.

Psalm 90:14 says, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."


Our souls are created to glorify the Lord, to find satisfaction in Him, to experience His presence.  Fear keeps us from what we were created to do.  I pray that my life and my precious Zane's life will be filled with God's satisfaction and joy so that we can be glad and rejoice in Him all of our days.

Day 21 - I'm loosing count

Today is either day 20 or 21.  I'm starting to loose track of time.  I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway.  I might start carving tally marks in the wall to keep track of the day.  As long as I don't find a volleyball and name it Wilson, I think I'll be okay; although a soccer ball might have to suffice here.

Zane is so funny and curious.  He watches videos Mark left on our iPad where Mark's talking to him and being silly almost every day.  He stares at it and says "Daddy" over and over again.  I reply, "That's Daddy!" and he just stares expressionless a little longer.  I think he's totally confused.  My thoughts were verified when he picked up the iPad and looked behind it for Daddy.  He even tried to separate the cover from the iPad to see if Daddy was inbetween the iPad and the cover!  I guess he thinks Daddy is hiding behind the screen!  It's really cute to watch...and sad at the same time.  I wish Mark was here so Zane could see him in person.  I know Zane wishes he were here too.  At least Mark can rest in the fact that his child thinks he's skinnier than an iPad.  That's a compliment, right?

Today was a great day with Zane.  He was in a good mood again, and mom and I enjoyed being with him.  He ate pretty well when the cooks made him his favorite "cereal", but he will not eat pasta.  No shape, no matter what the sauce is.  I don't get it.  They gave him pasta stars today.  What kid doesn't like pasta stars?
I'm beginning to think we have a picky eater on our hands, and honestly, I don't know how to handle that!  Neither Mark or I have ever been picky eaters!  Zane has learned how to get what he wants at the transition home, and the nannies are well aware of his preferences.  It's amazing how such a young person can have everyone doing his bidding.  Looks like Zane's going to get a "re-boot" in America, so he can receive what he needs, not just what he wants.

Zane is a really good boy, and he shows a lot of potential developmentally and in attachment.  So many children at the transition home are desperate for attention and affection.  They latch on to any "mommy" that comes along, and they are indiscriminate about their attachment toward adults.  This can seem really cute and lovable, but it actually shows a lack of attachment and bonding.  They have not learned who is safe and who isn't, or the difference between mom and dad and a stranger.  I thank the Lord that Zane seems to be VERY discriminate and VERY particular about who touches him, who holds him, etc.  He will whine when mom is holding him and I step away for a minute.  This may seem like he's a fussy baby, but this is the best gift he could give his mom and dad.  This shows that he has bonded with us, and he knows who his parents are.

When Zane and I went to visit his old baby room today, the nannies he was with were so loving toward him.  He's definitely a favorite to many of them.  They hold his hands and kiss them over and over.  One of the nannies said, "Na!  Na!", which means, "Come!" and he didn't reach for them.  He burrowed his arms in my chest and looked away.  They laughed and said something in Amharic, which I interpret to be something like, "He's attaching well to mommy!"  I heard "mommy" in there, and they seemed pleased.

Soon afterward, the doctor, who saw Zane this morning, saw us on the sidewalk enjoying the sunshine, and she said, "He really loves you.  He cries when he comes to me!  He doesn't like for me to examine him."  She said it with a smile of approval, and it really blessed me for her to say this.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm being criticized by the people around me at the transition home.  My self-consciousness gets the better of me and I fear that people are talking about me in Amharic sometimes.  It's hard to tell with the difference in language and tone.  I don't know what to make of their stares sometimes and their "firm" and "demonstrative" expressions.  Today, I felt like the Lord graced me with affirmation from the people here, and I know this encouragement was from him.

Mom and I stayed at the transition home until noon and we returned to the guest house to eat lunch with Megan and Aliyea, her adopted daughter.  They left this evening to return to the states.  Aliyea was so excited she was kissing Mom and I and running around like crazy.  I know Dustin and the boys are going to be glad when the girls get home!

We are here now with a Danish couple and her dad, Laura Unrah, her dad, and two adopted children, and another family will be arriving tonight for their embassy appointment.  No one else will have court appointments before the court closures next Friday, so I see many families come in, pick up their children, and return to the states.  It is wonderful to see, yet when each family leaves, I feel lonesome for them.  There is something about being on the other side of the world with Christian families who love their adopted children that make you immediately bond with them.  I miss all the families I've been fortunate enough to meet so much!

I appreciate your prayers, and I feel peace that God is going to clearly show us what our next steps are when it is time for us to know.  Thank you for your love and support!

Day 19 - All Day at the Transition Home

I have to start this entry with a major shout out to my awesome husband, Mark Brannan!  It was a great surprise and the best gift I could have received to read the words he said about me.  Now, if only they were true...JK

Today Mom and I spent the entire day at the transition home.  We packed a lunch, ate breakfast at the guest house, and we were on our way.  Zane had a rough morning, but so did we.  We were all so tired.  Mom is still trying to get used to the new time zone, Zane is not used to all this one-on-one attention and stimulation, and I, well, I just stayed up too late last night.

We walked around the campus with Zane, played with some toys, and took it easy this morning.  At about 11:55, Zane's lunch came, and he went into a major fit; not because he didn't like it, but because he was ready to go to sleep.  His nap time is 12ish, so lunch was really late today.  He refused to eat and cried so hard.  I tried to console him, but he was inconsolable.  I gave him to his nanny to see if she could figure it out, but he cried harder.  The guard walked up, took him in his arms, and he immediately stopped crying.  What?  Of course he couldn't stand their and rock him to sleep, so he tried to give him back to me.  He wailed.  I decided he needed to just lay down and go to sleep.  And I did too, so well all, Mom, me, and Zane took a rest.  I fell asleep on the couch, and mom read a book.

When Zane woke up, he was much better, and he drank 13 ounces of formula.  He was hungry.  We read a book, kicked the soccer ball, and played.  He was back to himself.  I did notice a croupy cough today, so Zane may be getting sick...again.  Please pray for him and all of the kids.  They are constantly passing around colds and other sicknesses.  They need to be with their parents and away from other sick kids so they can get better.

Next week is the last week courts are open.  I am hoping to pass court and take Zane out of the transition home by Friday.  If we do not pass, we may have to revert to plan B.  What is plan B?  I don't know yet.  We didn't plan for plan B!  Plan B may be God's plan A, and we are open to whatever timetable he has us on.

Pray that God gives Mark and I clear direction about our next steps as a family.

Suprise Guest Post: Happy Eighth Year Anniversary!

[This guest post is brought to you thanks to Cimbrey's use of the same password on just about everything for the last 8 years... Mark]

Cimbrey, it was a mere two-thousand-nine-hundred-twenty days ago that I watched the doors swing open at the back of the church in Bryan, Texas to see your radiant smile marching down the aisle.  I could barely hold myself together but you didn't shed a tear.  I asked you later how you made it through the ceremony with such ease, and you told me that you had been given a supernatural strength of conviction and confidence, but most importantly, you were not going to let your make-up get messed up in front of God and everybody.

We love to joke with our friends that our 8 years of marriage have been the best 6 years of our life.  It's true the first 700 or so days were tough going for the two of us, but I look back at what God formed through our crisis, and I treasure the tribulations of those early days.  It was your strength of character and dependence upon the Lord that lead us through the storm and towards brighter days. 

Remember when you told me you wanted to move to Fort Worth, Texas and were thrilled when I got a job there?  Well I remember how not thrilled you were when I called you back and said we are moving to New Orleans.  But I also love how you were flexible, agreed to follow me, and through your faith you came to love the city and its people more than you ever thought possible.  Even in the darkest days after Hurricane Katrina, you wanted nothing but to move back to your city.  I love how you remain open to the Lord's plan for you despite your own desires.

I love the heart you have for God's children, and I am inspired by the way you lead us to adoption as plan A.  I know the many people who read your blog every day see the light of Christ in you through this process, and I am grateful for your daily surrender.  Zane loves his Momma, and I can't wait for the three of us to be together again.

Now, in a time where it would be easy to feel alone, you remain confident in your calling, continue to rely upon the Lord, display faithfulness in God's calling to the extent that you have grown to love Ethiopia and its people as your own, and you surrender daily despite the uncertainty that remains before us in the adoption process.

You are a remarkable woman of noble character, and I have full confidence in you.  You work eagerly to care for our family and your faith makes you strong for the task.  You open your arms to those in need and you do not fear uncertainty.  You speak wisdom and it is easy to praise you because you fear the Lord!

After Eight years we now sit 8000 miles apart, but I have never felt closer to you!

Happy Anniversary, Cim!

Love, Mark

Since I am in Texas this week, I'll close with a country song:

Day 18 - Waiting on MOWCYA

Today is day 8 of our wait for the MOWCYA letter.  We were told approximately 20 business days when we went to court on July 13th.  Courts will close next week, August 7, but really August 5 because they don't work on Sat. and Sun.  Soooo...for those of you doing the math, we will be on day 17 of our wait on August 5th.  Hmmmmm...we need a MIRACLE!  I know that you are praying for us, and we feel your prayers.  I appreciate so much all of the encouragement we have received on our blog and on Facebook.  We ask that you continue to pray for the Ministry here in charge of writing favorable letters to the court for adoption.  Pray that the would be diligent and determined to write letters for all of us who have had court dates during July.  Pray that they would see a child's face, read their story and feel compassion to help them as quickly as possible.  Pray that the judge would approve our case quickly and submit our paperwork to embassy so that we can get our children in the loving homes God has provided for them.  Pray for me that I will be encouraged in the wait, continue to see progress with Zane, and enjoy my time with him, even at the transition home for a couple of supervised hours a day.

God is a miraculous and loving God.  No matter what the timing of our adoption is, and how long or confusing it seems to me, I know that He is sovereign and good.  I have to believe now more than ever that God can make a way for the seemingly impossible for His Name and His renown.

Through this process, every time I get impatient, God seems to remind me of this truth:  HE is the Father of the fatherless.  HE is the defender of orphans and the vulnerable.  He will never leave Zane or forsake him.  NOT ME.  God did not say, "I will be the father of the fatherless through you."  No!  He's the Father, our Father, period.

"Which of you fathers, if his son asked you to give him bread, you would give him a stone instead?  If a child asked you for a fish, would you give him a snake instead?  Or if he asked for an egg, would you give him a scorpion?  Of course not!  If you then, though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"  (Luke 11:10-13)  I


I know God can provide for my child better than I ever could, so I have to trust that He's doing what He's promised!


Thank you again for your prayers and encouragement!