The Brannan Brief

Valentine's Day Top 10

2012-02-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

Zane is my new Valentine this February 14th. I didn't know how I could love another Valentine (besides my husband) and this year, I am realizing the depth and breadth and height of God's love as I love my little boy. And to think that God's love is greater still...I can't even imagine.

There are many reasons why I love being Zane's mommy:
10. He enthusiastically smiles with bright eyes and an excited voice yelling, "Mommy!!" when I pick him up from the church nursery.
9. Every time he sees a picture of an animal he knows, he shouts it's name and sound as if encountering it for the first time. "Epitant!!!!!!!!!!! (Elephant)" "Rooster!!!!!!! Da-Da-Dooooo!!!!!"
8. He loves to count and say the alphabet. Flash cards, books, and puzzles are his favorites! It does this teacher's heart good.
7. He teaches me about moderation; always eating slowly and never cleaning his plate, playing with one or two toys at a time, and never wanting excess.
6. He says "Thank you" to everything...I mean everything. Here's a button, Zane. "Thank you!" Here's a piece of paper. "Thank you!" Let Mommy help you with that. "Thank you!" It reminds me to always give thanks in every circumstance knowing that the testing of our faith produces perseverance, and perseverance Godliness. (James 1:3)
5. He loves Veggie Tales with all his heart, and he dances like there's no tomorrow to the theme song, racing his feet as fast as they will possibly move.
4. When he wakes up in the morning or from a nap, he unfailingly says, "Hiiiii! (Really drawn out). How are you?" in the singsongy voice of a Kindergarten teacher.
3. He shouts "Jesus" periodically during the day - in the car, as we read books, before nap - and I know this means, "Sing me a 'Jesus' song!" Not just any church song. Let's be clear. It must say the name of Jesus or it is not a 'Jesus' song. No "This Little Light of Mine" in this house...it's "Give Me Jesus", "There's Something About That Name", "Blessed Assurance", "Jesus Loves Me", "What a Friend We Have in Jesus", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", "Praise the Name of Jesus", and any other song that speaks his name. It just makes me want to shout "GLORY!" My little boy gets it. There is power in the name of Jesus.
2. He tugs my neck to draw my faces closer to his to where our cheeks touch, closes his eyes, and rests his head on my shoulder.
1. He reaches up, touches my heart, and says, "Zane" as I cradle him to sleep, which means, "Zane's Mommy." He knows I am his and he is mine.

My heart is so full this Valentine's Day. There so much love that I want to give him, and I come up short. That's when the Holy Spirit takes over with just the right touch, the right words, and the right expression to love him the way that only God can.

I would love to have some special traditions for Valentine's Day. I think it's a great way to teach him about the true love of God, and people like St. Valentine who gave it all for the cause of Christ. It's not coincidence that the root "Valen" means "Strong, Powerful, Courageous". After all, it's this kind of love, God's love, that St. Valentine died for. It's important to me for Zane to know, that a Valentine is a warrior. Love is difficult. Love is passionate. Love is devoted. And Love died so that he might have life.

***What do you do with your kids on Valentine's Day? Any special traditions? Any resources that teach kids about the History of Valentine's Day?

Turning 2

2012-01-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

My baby is two years old today! Moms always tell me time with kids flies by. I believe them, and it seems to be so much more true as adoptive parents. Even though we met Zane when he was 16 months old, we feel like we've been his parents forever. In some ways it's like he's always been here, but in other ways, like today, it feels like I've only had him for a few short weeks. I'm not ready for him to be two already. It still seems like we just came home with him.

Monday night we had our three month post placement home study, and our social worker confirmed that Zane is every bit a two year old. We're so glad to see that he is developmentally on track with his peers. However, turning two is just like turning 16; I'm sure of it. Between the word, "NO!" and running away from Mommy and Daddy like it's a game, Zane is really a sweetheart. Like all two year olds, he has a "split personality": demanding and whiny or hilarious and cuddly. We love both because it's all a part of who he's becoming as an individual.

When we first met Zane, he was a reluctant, quiet child who preferred the background. It took a lot to make him laugh. We couldn't even tickle him to make him laugh. On occasion though, he would smile through the window at the transition home when his friends yelled his name. He'd light up when the nannies chanted, "Addisu-Addisu-Addisu-Addisu!" clapping their hands in rhythm. But for the most part, he was a stoic observer of the world around him, always investigating the leaves, grass, and outdoor life he had only watched through the large pane of glass that separated the toddler room from the great outdoors.

Today, I know a different child. Zane is eager to laugh, always joining in anyone's laughter as if he knows exactly what the joke was. He's affectionate with family and close friends, and he loves to "pay??" (That's "PLAY").

In the Veggie Tales episode "God Made Me Special", Larry jokes, "Nothing says, 'You're special!' like lots of colorful balloons!" So Mark and I took that word of advice and planned a balloon surprise for Zane. This morning he woke up to "baboons" (that's a hybrid word for "balloons" and "bubbles") floating into his room!

I'm sure he knew he was special when he saw them.

Click Here to See Video Part 1

Click Here to See Video Part 2

When I was thinking about what to do on his birthday, I asked myself, "What would you like to do on your 2nd birthday?" The answer? "Eat CAKE for breakfast, of course!" So that's what we did next. (I have to insert here that I put the cake on his plate to let him dive in for one of those cake in the face type pics...HOWEVER, this precious boy would rather use a fork. Hallelujah! God knows our needs. My OCD husband and I have secretly stressed out about the messy cake photos. Please don't take offense if you have one...but they gross me out.)

I've never seen Zane more happy than he is now. Not just today, but everyday. He is full of happiness, love, and anticipation. And Mark and I? We are elated. We've never felt so fortunate, so honored. God gave us an amazing treasure in Zane.

Many people look at adopted children and note an extreme amount of growth when they finally settle into their forever family. Some may say that it's the result of having parents. Some may conclude they are getting better nutrition and care. I know better. Nothing that Mark and I have done has produced the amazing results we've seen in our little boy. There's no way! If anything, we'll screw the poor child up. What we've witnessed in Zane God's miracle of adoption. Only He has transformed our little boy. God, his Father, has made all things new. He's given Zane a new joy, new meaning, new outlook...He's picked him up out of the pit and set him firmly upon a rock. He's given him a new name. Addisu, "the new one", has a new heart with which to love and be loved. He's being restored everyday. Only God's grace can do this, which is why we always knew that his American name would be Zane, "God is gracious." We thank God that he still lavishes his grace upon us and calls us his children. I know Zane knows this love first hand, and everything in his being radiates with it.

First Holiday Season with Zane

2012-01-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

Discovering Snow!!!!! Oh...wait...you thought I meant real snow. We're in Houston people. Come on.

The Holidays have come and gone like a thief, and I'm left wondering where in the world time has gone. Today is already New Year's Day, and I still feel like my baby boy came home a few short weeks ago. The passing of time makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby. I don't ever want things to change, yet they do anyway in a big way. It was 6 months ago that Mark and I were feverishly packing (and re-packing) our bags for our trip to meet our first born son, Zane Addisu. We had a family shower to attend in the San Antonio area and planned to celebrate the 4th of July with Aunt Laura and Uncle Ben before heading to Africa July 7th. Today, I'm floored that the calendar says, not July, but January. And it's no longer 2011, the year Zane became a forever member of our family, but 2012, a whole new year, a whole new chapter, with nothing written in it.

The summer and fall of 2011 were unforgettable to me. I can hardly believe sometimes that we are holding the boy we prayed for and waited for so long. In Ethiopia I learned that God is everything to me, and there is nothing I desire more than His presence. I learned to trust him for everything; my peace, my ability to care for a child I barely knew, and my fulfillment, as I spent so much time alone with Him. I made invaluable friends who I miss so much. The ladies at Yebsabi Guest House who held me as I held my child are forever etched on my heart. My throat knots up everytime I think about the morning I threw head on my dear friend's shoulder and cried overwhelmed and exhausted, and how she held me there and told me not to cry. How another cleaned up vomit with me, not once, but twice in the middle of the night. How they cared for my son as if he were their's, and sought to bring happiness into our lives.

I'm thankful for David, our driver, and more importantly our friend. His love for coffee paralleled mine, and we never passed up an opportunity to share a macchiato together. He brought us joy as he played Ethiopian music in the car and drove way too fast over pot holes, honking all the way to warn area drivers that we were on a mission.

I think of Job, his pregnant wife, and the baby that he will soon hold in his arms, and I desire to be there with them to celebrate the birth of his first born. Job's kindness reflected the peace in his heart. His laugh made you want to join him, despite not knowing what in the world he was laughing about. The slow, deep tone of his voice as he spoke of his country let you know of his loyal affections and longing to experience the great potential of Ethiopia. Job made patience, love, and peace look like decadent chocolate cake, sweet and worth any sacrifice. He made you want to be more like Jesus.

I remember Yonas's passion for history and for understanding his country's past. He desires to give Ethiopia a brighter future, and he does this everyday by caring for it's children. Yonas cared for Addisu as an uncle would while we were apart. Yonas dreams big dreams and I know he will see them come to reality. He's motivated, inspiring, knowledgeable, and reminds you why you love Ethiopia. His stories of Ethiopian history inspire respect, gratitude, and a bright future.

I am so happy I made these dear friends this year. I am even more happy that I have the most loving, inquisitive, and bright Ethiopian boy sleeping in the room next to me every night. Zane Addisu has changed my life. He's a constant reminder of God's grace and redemption for mankind. He teaches us God's heart everyday through His forgiveness, love for us, and desire to spend time with us. In parenting him, I understand more how much God desires for us to come to him as we are and open our hearts to him.

Santa's Wonderland

This holiday season, I watched Zane run in pure joy with cousins who think he's the greatest, hug grandparents who are totally in love with him, laugh at aunts and uncles who adore him, play in fallen leaves at our new house, and cuddle with mommy and daddy in new Christmas pajamas. The scent of baby lotion, vanilla, cinnamon, and sticks from outside fill our senses this winter, and it fills me with so much joy I could cry. Part of me wants to make time stop so I can really drink in the life around me, but at the same time, I can't wait to see what's next. Our lives are so full of happiness, I can't get enough.

Dewberry Farms

Back in NOLA for a Christmas banquet at FBNO

Candy Cane Lane Puppet Show at HFBC

On our way to Zane's first Midnight Yell!

After Zane's first Midnight Yell and a New Year's Eve bowl game win, we appropriately began this New Year with worship to our God and Savior, Jesus Christ, at our new church home, Houston's First Baptist Church. As we sang, "Our God is jealous for His own..." and "None could comprehend His love and His mercy..." and "A mighty fortress is our God..." I was so overwhelmed by the beauty that I am His child. I'm so thankful that even when I did not seek Him, He was pursuing me because He wants me so badly to find fulfillment in Him. I sort of get that now that I am a parent of a beautiful boy. I'm so jealous for Him to know how much he is loved by God and by His parents. I want no one else to have His affections but God who is worthy of His heart. I long for him to comprehend the love and mercy of the Father and know that he was rescued and redeemed. I pray that He realizes that our God is a mighty fortress and a refuge; that He was there all along, and He will be there forevermore to come through for him.

When he woke up, his first word (after "HI!") was "Aggies?" Love it.

Dewberry Farms Christmas Tree Farm

In 2012, I want my life to be more about Christ. I want my family to be about Christ, and I want to really do what He says. Right now, Mark and I are reading Kisses From Katie about a young girl living and working among the poor in Uganda. She has adopted 14 girls who were desperate for someone to care for them. She's living in remote circumstances with little material wealth. But she's living the good life...the life that is true living, and living fully.

This Christmas I am reminded again that life is found in Christ alone. That our comfort, wealth, and appetites only lead to earthly contentment, and fulfilling life is found in participating in God's work around the world. This is why I'm so thankful for the time I spent in Ethiopia, and why I can't shake the effect it's had on my life. It's when we are most desperate for God that we truly experience His peace, His presence, His joy. Enough of the counterfeit stuff of this world...give me the good stuff. I want Jesus in 2012 and forever.

Zane's first encounter with a REAL horse at Grandmom and G-Daddy's

Week 9 & 10: Goodnight Aggieland!

2011-11-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

The children's book that Mark and I wrote was published, and we received our shipment of books this week! Goodnight Aggieland is a book about the greatest university on earth, and it's unique traditions. While it is a children's book primarily, it's great for any fan who wants to share the traditions that make Texas A&M one of the most spirited campuses in the country. It would make a great Christmas present for anyone! We are so proud to be able to dedicate the book to our son, Zane Addisu, future Fightin' Texas Aggie class of 2031 (WHOOOOOP!)! See more about the book at www.goodnightaggieland.com.

We've had a great month of November. Ginger and cinnamon filled our apartment today as I baked Ginger Spice cookies. We had pot roast and cornbread tonight before downing the cookies with a hot cup of pumpkin spice coffee. I love fall. The smells and tastes are warm and inviting. The sites around Houston are filled with Christmas lights, colorful ornaments, wreaths, and ribbons. I felt pure delight as I listened to Bing Crosby fill the halls of Memorial City Mall yesterday. It may not be a "White Christmas" here, but it certainly will be a joyful one.

It's been interesting to think of Christmas this year with a toddler in our family. I want to make family traditions that are meaningful and important to him. Most of all, I want him to know the beauty of the season. Christmas is about giving, sacrifice, and hope. Our attention turns to the poor and the needy as we gather meals and gifts for others. We await Santa Clause, or Saint Nick, who is said to have given gold coins to three neighborhood girls who had no dowry for marriage. The coins were dropped anonymously through the chimney of their home and landed in socks hanging to dry over the fire. The most important reason we celebrate and the cause of the first Christmas, of course, was the Savior of the world being born to rescue man from their self-destructive sin nature. The hope and joy we have during this season is because of His deliverance from fear, oppression, and grief.

In the midst of the lights, music, merriment, and fun of it all, I hope to instill traditions of giving, sacrifice, and hope during this season. As Zane learns American culture, I pray that it is forever infused with his Christian heritage, and the true meaning behind our celebrating!

I would love to hear the Christmas traditions you have with your children or family! Please leave a comment or post on my facebook page!

Week 7 - Fall is Here!

2011-11-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

This week was full of great weather and fun! We've been in the 70's and 80's here in Houston, which feels like winter, and we've enjoyed being outdoors.

Zane is officially out of size 12 month pants this week! That's a relief since the boy is almost 22 months!! He's on to a size 18-24 month! We continue to introduce new foods, and he's catching on to the American diet. This week he likes beans, broccoli cheese soup, and peanut butter crackers (an all-time favorite). He's still not really into meats, but we continue to put them in front of him at meal times.

We've had playdates this week with old friends from college, and Zane even stayed with Mimi and Popi for a whole day while Mommy and Daddy went to the Aggie game. Unfortunately, the Aggies lost, but we feel like we scored big time with a whole day out and no issues! Zane is adapting well to life here, and he loves his grandparents!

Sunday we went to Grandmom and G-Daddy's for lunch after church. Zane went to his first Sunday School class in the toddler room, and we picked him up afterward. I think he did okay, but he's still a little surprised and relieved when we come back to get him. We're praying for him about this, and we continue to create opportunities to prove that "Mommy and Daddy ALWAYS come back." We're also praying that God the Father would be so evident to him that he always feels His closeness when we are away. God was faithful to be near to him in the months while he was in the transition home, and I know he is near to him now. I pray that Zane can see that, as he literally and spiritually senses the Lord's presence around him. At Grandmom and G-Daddy's Zane got to swing, see our dogs, play outside in the beautiful weather, and get spoiled with cookies and lots of attention. He had a great time playing with vintage toys that Mark, Jay, and Laura used to play with! Aside from hitting his head on the tile floor and getting his second bruise on his head (same spot as the one he got in Ethiopia from falling out of a chair), he had a great time!

Monday was the big event: First Fest at Houston's First Baptist Church. We've been waiting for this for weeks now. There was everything you could imagine at the festival, including a petting zoo, pony rides, bounce houses, blow up slides, train rides, and more!!! Zane went to the festival as the Ethiopia Lion of Judah. In Ethiopia, the Lion of Judah represents the country's strength, independence, and foundation of historical Christianity. Ethiopians believe that some of the bible's ancient history occurred there, and they even house the ark of the covenant. This is a really difficult costume to explain to a bunch of American Baptists. They think we just dressed him as the lion on the Wizard of Oz, but we knew he was so much more. Zane, the lion, is a representation of God's hand on his country, the power that God has to strengthen Ethiopia, and God's deliverance from oppression. Of course, these deep thoughts only occur to his mother, the brain behind this madness, and I'm okay with that.

The most thrilling things for Zane were the most simple things: the bubble wrap tracks where toddlers could run and make the bubbles pop, a plastic pool with water and magnetic fish, and a big sandbox with items you could dig for. Brilliant! It was toddler heaven. They even spread out butcher paper inside and let the kids draw on it with sidewalk chalk. For Zane, candy was not even a thought this Halloween. It was all about discovery.

I think Zane was most mesmerized by the Petting Zoo. He had a love/hate relationship with this attraction. On one hand, he was so drawn to the donkey, the goats, the lambs, the deer, and the chickens. Afterall, these animals are EVERYWHERE in Ethiopia, and they sustain the country. However, he was a little surprised at their audacity to approach him, encourage him to pet them, and invade his personal space. In Ethiopia, donkeys will toe the line as their master whips them into submission. Chickens roam the streets and yards of peoples homes without concerning themselves with people. Goats and lambs stand caged in local markets waiting to be bought and sold, slaughtered, and eaten. But these animals? They wanted to be coddled and pet by cute little children dressed as animals, pirates, cowboys, princesses, and other creatures. This was absolutely bizarre to Zane. When the donkey stood just beside him and honked out a loud, obnoxiously long "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw", he raced up my leg into my arms, and looked at the thing like it was crazy. It was so funny. I wish I knew what he was thinking the whole time he watched the animals roam in the pin and rub up next to him like pets.

Mommy had a moment of "Toddlers and Tiaras" when I heard announced a costume contest for ages 0-2. I went into "we gotta get him up there" mode, and I even pulled Zane away from a conversation with Daddy and Pastor Greg. I've got priorities people! Zane ended up third place, which is great for his first pageant! (Not that there will be more...Mark would kill me.)

It was a great night that finished with dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and an "after-party" at home. Mark and I stayed up with Zane and played until he was worn out from all the fun. I think Zane's first American holiday was a hit!

Week 6

2011-10-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Mark and I signed a contract on a house this week! We will be renovating a house in Garden Oaks (near the Heights just outside the loop). We're really excited and amazed that we're doing this! We never would have thought we would be renovating a house, but it all worked out so providentially.

A couple of weeks ago we went to dinner at a friend's house on W. 42nd St. We loved the area as we drove through, and we thought, "We haven't even looked up here! I wonder what's available?" Since we've had NO luck at all finding a house in Memorial, it was a possibility we were interested in looking into. That night, they mentioned that their friend signed a contract on a house two doors down and it was a steal, but he's not been able to sell his town home so he could move forward with the purchase. I jokingly said, "No problem! Have him transfer the contract into our names and we'll go ahead and take it off his hands!" Two days later, we got word that this friend's contract is running out and the house might go on the market. NO!!!!!! We jumped on the opportunity before it could be listed for a higher price! As we looked into the house more, we realized the friend had already done bids on the renovations, inspections, etc. This was a no-brainer. Even better, Mark's commute to work is 12 minutes, our commute to our church is 8 minutes, and we have good friends on the street. It really can't get any better. We feel so at peace, and we know this is the Lord providing.

When we step back and think about life right now, we laugh that we are undertaking a house renovation. Mark has started a new job with a new company, I have changed professions from teacher to mom, we've moved cities, we've changed churches, and we're now embarking upon a renovation project. Oh, did I mention we have a children's book coming out in approximately 3 weeks!! (More to come on that!) We like to do things up big in the Brannan house! The more change the better!

This week my brother has been on leave, so he's in Houston hanging out with us some! It's great to have him around, and Zane loves having "Untle Dit" in town.

Zane experienced his first carousel this week at the mall. He was a little dumbfounded by it, but when he got off, all he wanted to do was ride it again! As much as he loves animals, he was not into these life-size plastic animals with rhinestone saddles, oddly enough. Who wouldn't like a roaring lion frozen in time adorned with plastic feathers, beads, and leather? Freaky.

Zane also got his first American haircut this week. It cost 8 times as much as it did in Ethiopia. Gulp. He did well, but I still can't get over the price. We left some curls on top, so he's looking pretty smooth...like D.J. Jazzy Jeff from "Fresh Prince".

We had a few cold days this week, so I pulled out a splurge purchase that I couldn't pass up for little Zaney Boy. Unfortunately, he thought it was HILARIOUS that I would even entertain the thought of putting this on him, and this is the 2 1/2 seconds he actually wore the thing. Oh well.

We had a trial run with our Halloween costume for the big Fall Festival coming up. Zane LOVES it, and he wants to play in it all the time. No spoilers, yet, though. You gotta wait for the big night to see this one!

Texas Rangers are tied in the series right now, and the game is going on in the next room. Hate to do it, but I gotta go watch baseball. This is the only time of year I will watch it, and the Rangers?! Couldn't be a better fall.

Week 5

2011-10-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Our update on week five is way overdue at this point! We are now in week 6 already of being home from Ethiopia.

Week five was such a great week, that I must recap the highlights.

The week started with a depressing lull Sunday morning with Mark rolling over and saying, "I don't wanna go to church this morning." Frankly, I didn't either. Our lives had been changing by the minute and our bodies were exhausted. Even more so, our spirits were quenched. We'd been going through the motions of life without joy...just surviving really. We needed some encouragement in the midst of our house, church, and friend hunt. Moving to a new city is hard, but it was really hard with a new baby. We're used to going wherever whenever we want, and things change when you have a child. It's a great change, but it's change none the less. The Holy Spirit was nudging me Saturday night to try another church in the area, and Mark briefly mentioned as we drove in the car together that he wanted to try the same church. It was a fleeting conversation, and as we lay in bed Sunday morning, a spiritual battle began to take place. We woke up late, Zane slept until 8:30, which rarely happens, and we had every reason to stay in bed. We both needed to take showers and get ready, give Zane a bath and get him ready, and all eat breakfast by 9:00 so we could make it to the 9:30 service. The 11:00 service would be too late, as Zane usually eats lunch at 11:30 and takes a nap between 12:30 and 2:30. Something (the Holy Spirit) kept pushing me to get up and go to church, so I got out of bed and urged the guys in the house to "haul it" getting ready.

We step outside at 9:05 to pouring rain. The kind of rain a city gets when it hasn't had rain in months. The kind of rain that all of Houston prayed for to stop the wildfires close by. Torrential downpours. But now we were all ready, and by-golly, we were GOING to church. We raced to the car, and headed toward church.

Needless to say, by the time we parked and got inside from the rain, we were 20 minutes late for the service we had planned to go to. No problem. We got some coffee and breakfast and decided to go to the Welcome Center for some more information about the church and its programs. We would attend the 11:00 service and hope for no meltdowns from Mr. Zane.

At the Welcome Desk, I ran into a sorority sister from Texas A&M and her husband. Providentially, we began talking about adoption, and her family is doing foster care. We had an encouraging conversation about God's plan for the orphan and lonely, and how sometimes God's plans look different from what we think makes sense. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a friendly woman introducing herself to Mark. She later introduced herself to me as the Director of the adoption ministry at the church. "A big group of adoptive parents are meeting before the service to gather to go up on the stage. We'd love for y'all to join us!" I laughed for two reasons: 1) I was overjoyed to learn that I was minutes away from meeting a "BIG group of adoptive families". 2) I was tickled that after struggling to get to church and being there only 30 minutes, we were being asked to go on stage. Why not, right???!!!

After meeting a great couple who told us about bible studies, we learned that they were connected to a couple we had become friends with through Mark's work. Shortly after, we ran into our old friends from NOLA who moved here a few years ago. And finally, we were delighted to meet about 20 adoptive families who attend the church regularly and are a part of the orphan care ministry before going up on stage.

The pastor addressed the church about the importance of adoption and the fact that all believers are adopted as sons and daughters of God. He shared his passion about supporting adoption ministry, and the congregation took up a special offering for adoption and foster care funds that assist member who are seeking to care for orphans.

I cannot tell you how I know the Lord speaks to me, I just know that He does. When I woke up Sunday morning, I knew we were supposed to attend this church that morning, and it was so evident that we were to be encouraged there by God. Throughout the week, God continued to show himself faithful by providing encouragement and fellowship in a variety of ways. A new friend has embraced me as an old one, and allowed me to hang out at her house, go to play dates, and attend her small group. There I have met many more Christian moms who I look forward to hanging out with.

I am so thankful that God sees me. I told Him last week, "I don't know how to pray right now, but You know me. I can't explain my feelings, but You feel them with me. Help me Lord." And, as always, He did. He helped me receive encouragement, He helped me find a friend, He gave me joy, and He filled me with new hope. He is faithful.

This weekend, we went to New Orleans to see old friends, and sleep in our house one last time. Miraculously, our house sold after three days of being on the market, and we now wait for closing. It's bittersweet, as selling our house makes it all so real. Being with our NOLA friends was almost as if I had never been away. The only difference was that Zane is actually here in the US now, instead of posted on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror. It was so sweet to see Zane with Eli. Anna and I always dreamed of our two Ethiopian boys growing up together! It will take more effort now, but they will still grow up together, even though it's not quite as we dreamed. The boys got to pick out one pumpkin each at the nearby pumpkin patch that benefited a local school. They both went for the cute, little pumpkins, which was fine with us, as it's the cheaper choice! As I walked through the doors of First Baptist New Orleans on Sunday morning, I immediately went to the stage where the choir and praise team gathered just as we had done every Sunday for years. After the service ended, I entered the fellowship hall and thought, "I need to hurry and get the coffee ready" as I had done for the past two years for our bible study class. In the foyer of the church sat the Women's Ministry table decorated for the Annual Ladies Tea coming up next weekend, and two women sat selling tickets as they do every year in October.

It's funny how when everything in life changes, some things remain the same. Becoming a mom, moving cities, changing occupations, and selling/buying a house can seem overwhelming, but there are constants that keep us grounded and remind us that life goes on. Those constants anchor us and give us hope when tidal waves crash against us. One day, everything on this earth will pass away. There will be no more bible study class after worship services, no more Sunday morning coffee, no more Ladies Tea, no more programs. On that day, one thing will remain: Love. When everything around is shaking, we can stand on God, and there find hope in the new thing God is doing.

"'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, my unfailing love for you will never be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

"See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up! Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

Week 4 - Settling In

2011-10-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

Last week finished with a BANG, as Zane had the privledge of getting 7 shots (all routine stuff he missed while in Ethiopia) and 4 tubes of blood taken! Congratulations, Zane! You were the lucky winner of the worst doctor visit imaginable. This kind of doctor appointment calls for Chuey's creamy jalapeno! We enjoyed great Mexican food and the waiter even gave Zane a Blue Bell push pop for free. That totally made up for the bad morning.

Friday night, Jay flew in from New York to see Zane and Laura and Ben came from Gonzales, TX. Zane me them for the first time Saturday morning. It was so nice of them to come down.

He's making his Baylor G-Daddy do his "gig 'em" thumb! Good boy!

Monday, Zane had 2 more shots and three more tubes of blood taken. He's pretty much scarred for life from any doctor's office.

I think we made up for the bad start to the week by going to the pool, the Children's Museum with his buddy, Musse, and the playground at Memorial City Mall later in the week. It was great to see him having fun and smiling with other kids.

Learning to use a pulley

A real-life car!!!

Favorite exhibit? The Water Fountain. Fascinating.

Zane's already hired a driver.

Memorial City Mall

King of the Mountain!

Guest Post - Mary Beth Picker

2011-10-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

I met Mary Beth Picker through her husband Casey, my friend from high school, over a year ago. Mary Beth has become a good friend and fellow adoptive mom! I was ecstatic when I learned she and her husband were in Ethiopia the same time I was! Only this time, she and her husband came back to Ethiopia to work on a school for a great organization, Lifesong. I was able to meet them for a traditional dinner and learn all about the awesome work they are a part of in Ethiopia. See more information below on how you can get involved!

Mary Beth writes:

Thank you so much Cimbrey for allowing me to post on your blog about a subject that is so important to me.

Over three years ago, my husband and I began our journey to adopt our son from Ethiopia. And since that time, God has been filling our hearts with an overwhelming love and passion for the people of Ethiopia. We returned a year after our first adoption to bring our daughter home. After arriving home with her, we knew we had to do more.

We have been so blessed to team up with other adoptive families around the U.S. and with Lifesong for Orphans. Lifesong is doing some amazing work through a small nursery school that they support in Adami Tulu, Ethioipa. You can read more about Adami Tulu here.

Last year, we, with five other families, raised over $40,000 to build a new building, restroom facility, and gate at the Adami Tulu school. In August, we got to return to Ethiopia to see the new building. We had an amazing trip, and have absolutely fallen in love with Adami Tulu. You can read more about our trip here and here. The school is changing the lives of so many vulnerable children in the area by offering them a wonderful education and two nutritious meals a day.

We've returned home with the knowledge that we have so much more to do in Adami Tulu. So we've agreed to continue our work with Lifesong by raising funds for another school building on the Adami Tulu campus. This will enable the school to expand to include 1st and 2nd grade. More details will be coming soon, but we're anxious to get a jump start on fundraising. We know that this project will cost at least $50,000. But, for these sweet faces, we'll do anything!

We are very excited to announce our first fundraiser for our next phase of the Adami Tulu project: another Aspen Giveaway!

Our Aunt and Uncle have, once again, generously donated toward our fundraising efforts. Only this time they've offered us not one but FIVE stays at the Hyatt Grand Aspen.

Any one of these November stays might make a great early-Thanksgiving get together for you and some friends or family!

We will begin the giveaways today and draw winners on October 15. To enter, donate $20 by clicking the link for the stay that you're interested in. For every $20 you donate to Lifesong for Orphans, you will get one entry in the drawings. By the way, 100% of your donation will go to our work in Adami Tulu.

Here are some details and pictures about the Hyatt stays:

Hyatt Grand Aspen has complimentary continental breakfast, a pool and hot tub, fitness center, fire pit, daily room cleaning and nightly turn down service complete with chocolates. There is even a little hut by the hot tubs where you can hang your robes to keep them warm for you! The hotel is within walking distance of lots of shops and restaurants in Aspen.

The retail value of each stay is approximately $2,500.

To get to Aspen, you could fly into the Aspen airport. The hotel will pick you up and, since everything is within walking distance, you can go without a car during your stay. Or you could fly into Denver and rent a car to drive to Aspen. Or, of course, you could also just drive to Aspen.

Hyatt Stay Giveaway #1:

Sat.- Sat. November 5-12 (full week stay)

Studio Unit (Like a nice hotel room with small kitchenette.)

To enter the drawing for Giveaway #1, donate to Lifesong for Orphans here:

Hyatt Stay Giveaway #2:

Sun.- Thurs. November 13-17 (five days/ four nights)

Two Bedroom Unit (Two Bedrooms and Bathrooms, Kitchen, Livingroom, Dining Room, Washer and Dryer, etc.)

To enter the drawing for Giveaway #2, donate to Lifesong for Orphans here:

Hyatt Stay Giveaway #3:

Sun.- Thurs. November 13-17 (five days/ four nights)

Three Bedroom Unit (Three Bedrooms and Bathrooms, Kitchen, Livingroom, Dining Room, Washer and Dryer, etc.) Maybe a family could do an "early Thanksgiving get together" in this one.

To enter the drawing for Giveaway #3, donate to Lifesong for Orphans here:

Hyatt Stay Giveaway #4:

Tues.-Sat. November 15-19 (five days/ four nights)

One Bedroom Unit (All the things a two bedroom has but only one bedroom and bathroom)

To enter the drawing for Giveaway #4, donate to Lifesong for Orphans here:

Hyatt Stay Giveaway #5:

Tues.-Sat. November 15-19 (five days/ four nights)

Two Bedroom Unit (Two Bedrooms and Bathrooms, Kitchen, Livingroom, Dining Room, Washer and Dryer, etc.)

To enter the drawing for Giveaway #5, donate to Lifesong for Orphans here:

Just imagine, you could win a stay in Aspen, just for donating $20. What a deal! Plus, you get to be part of this amazing project to help these precious kids in Adami Tulu.

If you are unable to use one of the stays, you could donate your entry to a friend, or minister, or someone who could really use the time away.

Help us raise money to expand the Adami Tulu school and spread the word about our giveaway. Please repost on twitter and facebook! Thank you!

Week 3 - What a Week!

2011-09-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

We are in our third week home with Zane, and it has been a great one! We finished week two with a get-together at my mom's house! Three couples with AWAA came over for dinner. Zane got to hang out with his transition home buddy, Musse, who came home only weeks before he did. We finally got to meet Zadie, the Chambers little girl, and we got to know a new couple who will be bringing home their baby next summer from Ethiopia!

It was also fun to see Nick, my brother who has been in Iraq for a year. He is back in Texas now, so he drove in to meet Zane. "Untel Ick", as Zane calls him, is great with kids! Zane enjoyed walking with him and playing with sidewalk chalk.

Sunday was Saints v. Texans day, so obviously, Mark and I had to watch it with Poppi and Uncle Nick who love the Texans. We came ready to cheer for the Saints, and we were SO relieved when the Saints pulled through. After a disappointing Aggie game on Saturday, we needed the win.

Tuesday, Zane and I had a brunch date with our friend, Amanda, at Einstein bagels. After downing a pumpkin crunch bagel and latte, we walked around Town Center, and headed back home for nap time. That afternoon we went by Honey and G-G's house for a little while to play before they head out to Austin for a long weekend.

Today, Zane and I met Autumn and Zadie and Kara and Berhanesh for lunch at Pappasitos. One great thing about being back in Texas is wonderful Mexican food like Pappasitos. I just about ate my body weight in chips and salsa! I tried to get Zane to eat quesadillas, but he's still not ready for that apparently.

Zane is getting much better at eating, however! I've enjoyed making my own baby food from sweet potatoes, peas, mashed potatoes, peaches, etc. It's SO easy and much cheaper than buying it. It also allows me to combine things I know Zane will like, and control the amount of salt and sugar he gets in his diet. So far, he has tried anything I put in french vanilla yogurt, and he loves peas and mashed potatoes. His favorite snack is cheese ducks (the organic version of goldfish). I think he's really doing great! I can't imagine being in his shoes and have my entire world turned upside down. He's courageous to put anything green or orange in his mouth, and he does this daily. With all the change he has been through, he has really shown a lot of trust to eat the food we give him.

Tonight, Zane and I will experience our first night by ourselves in the U.S. Mark's job requires him to travel some, and I'm used to the day or two trips he has every other week or so. Hopefully, Zane will not be overly concerned about Daddy not being here tonight. We spent many nights in Africa, just the two of us, so I think he'll be okay. But you never know how a difference in routine might scare him or make him feel anxiety. Last night Zane was crying in his sleep again, much like he did the first week I had him in Ethiopia. It's hard to tell if he's in pain or if he's having a nightmare. I just pray for him and hold him when this happens, and usually he falls back asleep after a while. Who knows what he might be feeling, especially in his dreams when one can almost forget where he or she is! This happened to me almost every morning I woke up in Africa. I'd forget I was in Ethiopia, and think I was in my bed in New Orleans. I can't imagine where he thinks he is when he wakes up in the middle of the night! Pray for him to have peace and dream sweet dreams.

Friday, Zane will go to get an evaluation at Texas Children's Hospital's Adoption Clinic. This is a routine post-adoption check up where doctors look into all of the possible conditions he could have from his time in Ethiopia. We expect Zane to have a clean bill of health aside from minor issues like the chronic cough he has; however, we would appreciate your prayers as we take him to be poked and prodded. We hope he will feel comforted and assured that he is safe and taken care of while he is there.

This weekend we are really excited to see Aunt Laura and Uncle Ben and Uncle Jay, who is flying in from New York, over at Grandmom and G-Daddy's house. Zane will get to meet his aunt and uncles for the first time! I know he'll enjoy everyone playing with him and loving on him!

Zane is learning something new everyday. He's very interested in the alphabet with correlating animal cards I got him. He's trying SO hard to make the sounds of the letters, and it's so sweet to see him try. Some letters are super difficult for him to say. Apparently, some sounds he's not used to hearing, and he doesn't know how to position his throat and mouth to make the sound come out!! We keep repeating and he keeps trying every day. He's such a determined boy. There are three animals he will not try to say the names of because he immediately resorts to mimicking the sound the animal makes: the lion, rooster, and snake. In fact, when Zane sees any of these animals in pictures when we're out, he'll point and make the sounds they make. I was at Whole Foods the other day, and Zane started yelling, "DA-DA-DOOOOOO!" over and over. I didn't know what he was doing until I looked up, and just over the chicken section, the outline of a rooster hung. I was amazed that he saw the sign in the first place, then laughed that he thought about the cock-a-doodle-doo sound the rooster makes while shopping for groceries!

This and other sounds he makes often make me miss Addis. Every morning (and all through the night, actually) we were greeted by the sound of the rooster next door. The donkeys would come by, and Zane would say, "HEE-HAW". And the men selling mops would yell, "AWOYAY!" The neighborhood dogs barked (and sometimes wailed) all night, and Zane always puckered his lips and said, "HOO! HOO!" like the dogs did. The only sounds we hear in our room these days is the sound of cars on the beltway and an occasional siren. Our outdoor wildlife here is the squirrel, and it's really hard to mimic their sounds! Therefore, breakfast isn't complete without Mommy and Zane pretending we're in Addis and yelling the sounds of the animals and people in the streets!

I love to see him absorb the world around him. He's becoming a master at saying "HI!" and "Thank you!" and you can tell it makes him proud to get those words right. It's such a blessing to be the mom of such a sweet boy. I absolutely love him, and I'm so thankful to God for him.

2011-09-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

Almost another week has gone by! I can't believe how quickly time goes by sometimes. Zane is doing great with his sleep patterns now. We went to the pediatrician for the first time this week, and he got some medicine for a cough he's had. In addition to helping with the cough, it's helped him sleep through the night, so he's getting more used to US time. Zane is trying all kinds of new foods, and he's being really brave! He definitely does not like all of them, but at least he's trying!

Zane met my Aunt Denise today at Honey's and G-G's (Grandaddy's new name) house. We had lunch, and he enjoyed playing with old toys that Nick and I played with! It's amazing because those toys are now selling at Target for $20. All the vintage stuff is back! Zane got to play with an ORIGINAL telephone pull toy whose eyes move up and down and a worm scooter whose stickers have all come off. He loved it. Only G-G could push him on the scooter because he does it best, apparently!

Grandmom came for a visit this week! She came bearing gifts, like all good grandmom's do! Zane enjoyed playing with her and taking a walk in his beloved stroller. Zane showed Grandmom how to launch his Lightening McQueen car and make it go fast, and they played with a new fall bear she brought.

Mark is enjoying his job with Hess, and his schedule has been great. He's been able to beat the traffic home and play with Zane before bedtime. We've enjoyed dinners at home, bath time (which is a total celebration complete with a chant and dance), and walking around the beautiful Terry Hershey park.

This weekend Uncle Nick comes in town to meet Zane, and we're having other AWAA families to Mimi's house for dinner. Zane's friend, Musse', lives in Katy, so I'm looking forward to meeting up with the Rowells again, this time in the United States! I wonder if they will recognize each other in this new environment? I'm sure pictures will follow...Stay tuned...

Our New Life

2011-09-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

The other day, I was talking to a friend about what we're doing these days. The only thing that comes to mind is "adjusting". I really didn't know what to say beyond that because I have no idea what the adjustments are. I can't put into words what I'm doing every day, I just know my body is tired, so there must be an adjustment going on, right?

I am an analytical person by nature, so when someone asks me a question, I feel compelled to answer that question as honestly and thoroughly as possible, even if the answer comes days later. I've been alive long enough, however, to know that people don't really care enough to wait days for an answer. My OCD kicks in when I'm asked a question I don't know how to answer, and I think about it until I can. Therefore, I pondered the question, "What adjustments are y'all making?" until I could put a few of the adjustments into words.

First, Zane and I are trying to get used to U.S. time zones. For the first week, Zane thought that midnight was 8 a.m. (breakfast time in Addis) and 5 a.m. was noon (lunch time in Addis). It wasn't until two nights ago, that Zane slept (pretty much) through the night. It felt great to have a full night's sleep!

Secondly, Zane is getting used to foreign foods. We've gone from barley cereal, wheat cereal, and an occasional bowl of pasta stars to peas, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cheese crackers, and his favorite, french vanilla yogurt. I'm learning to hide vegetables and fruits in things like potatoes and yogurt. I guess I can say I'm officially a mom now.

Thirdly, I have been adjusting to life in an apartment in Houston rather than our house in New Orleans. Our apartment is beautiful and the area is awesome for us to explore. We have a pool, onsite cyber cafe with great macchiatos, and near-by nature trails for walking and riding bikes. We love the area; however, so much of me is still in New Orleans. Zane's room that I completed weeks before we left still sits untouched in our house in New Orleans. Our dogs, Callie and Gracie, are staying with Grandmom (Mark's mom) in Richmond.

In addition to this, my job as 7th grade language arts teacher has been replaced by the job of homemaker and mom. It was strange to let August go by without decorating my classroom, writing names on popsicle sticks, and organizing my agenda for the new school year. I even had my usual "beginning of school" dreams while I was in Addis. I dreamed that my principal did not fill my position and she needed me to come back from Africa to teach until she found a replacement, and I dreamed about lesson planning with Becky, my partner teacher and dressing up to read a story to the kids.

Lastly, I feel like my family for the past 8 years is in New Orleans living life without us. We can't pick up the phone at 5 p.m. on a Friday night and ask the Palmers to meet us at Superior Grill at 6. We don't drive by the Carvers' yellow house on the way to Lebanon's when we're craving hummus and gyro wraps. We can't rag on Georgia to the Simons on Sunday morning in Sunday school, and we can't spontaneously go out to eat with the Flores after church. We're not driving to church three days a week for meetings and praise team practice with Robert and the band. No more late Sunday nights drinking coffee with the Pucketts or pretending to diet with Rachel while I sneak a Starbucks scone. It's weird. My normal is in New Orleans, so I guess we're adjusting to the new normal.

My grandparents, whom I admire very much, have never let changing seasons of life keep them from experiencing the fullness and joy life has to offer. My entire life, they have traveled all across the United States to see friends, family members, co-workers, and anyone they've ever met really. When you meet them, you immediately become their friend. People are priority to them, and you know that when you are in their presence. There is no boundary that is too big to keep Honey and Grandaddy from loving someone and making a special effort to come see them. In fact, they just returned to Houston from a 6-7 stop trip over the weekend where they spent time with Grandaddy's ailing sister, had lunch with former missionaries they knew, stayed the night with my other set of grandparents, played forty-two with old friends, among many other joys. In their 80's now, they never let life pass them by, and they never live with regret.

I want to be like Honey and Grandaddy. God is giving me an opportunity with our new move to stay connected to loved ones in Louisiana. As my life continues, I pray that God will give me the thoughtfulness and selflessness of my grandparents to maintain friendships with people wherever we may live. What a legacy they have left for me, and I pray to leave that legacy for Zane. While we're on earth, the most important relationship we have aside from Jesus Christ is the ones we have with the people he has put in our path. I hope that people see the love of Christ through me, as it is seen through my grandparents in their efforts to keep close ties to the people they've encountered.

Home

2011-09-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

It has been one week since we flew out of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. About this time 7 days ago, we were boarding a 777 Ethiopian airplane to head to Washington D.C. It is almost impossible for me to believe that an entire week has gone by.

When we arrived in D.C., we were thrilled to step onto U.S. soil for two reasons: 1) that meant we were finally home and 2) our son automatically became a U.S. citizen! We obtained a visa for him that allowed him to achieve citizenship upon arrival. Horray! To celebrate, we went to Dunkin Donuts and got a patriotic red, white, and blue rasberry-filled donut in the shape of a star in our nations capital! Doesn't get much better than that. Unfortunately, Zane hated the donut and spit it out. Oh well. I guess some American customs are better to leave behind, and donuts are definitely one of them.

After a 3 hour layover and lots of walking around the airport to stretch our legs, we boarded a small jet to New Orleans. We were surprised and delighted to receive first class seating thanks to a generous ticketer who appreciated our choice to adopt. We enjoyed the extra leg room and space for Zane to move!

We were greeted in New Orleans by one of the best looking greeting crews I've ever seen. As we passed through the gate to the waiting area, the three of us fist pumped (Zane style) and cheered, "Yay, yay, yay!" Of course, Zane had no idea that the crowd huddled in front of us was cheering back for him! I think he was surprised to get such a loud "YAY!" in response. After hugging both sets of grandparents who (thankfully) traveled from Houston to see us arrive, Jon, Anna and Eli Palmer greeted Zane with a new toy car. The Simon's kids held posters with greetings for Zane, and many of our church family and community showered us with hugs and kisses. It was the most wonderful homecoming I've ever experienced, and it was made even sweeter by the friends and family who came to meet our new son. Almost immediately, Zane wanted to get down and play with the other children there. He ran around with the boys, while the girls touched his face and gave him kisses. Every once in a while he glanced up and ran to Mark or me to let us know he still knew who he belonged to. It was during this time that I realized how far Zane had come in the last two weeks we spent together as a family in Ethiopia. He knew who Mommy and Daddy were, and he knew that as long as we were around, he was safe. It felt good to watch him light up and run to us, yet still be comfortable enough to play with the other children. We were truly amazed. We were able to talk and catch up with our friends and family for quite a while before getting our luggage and heading home...

Home...well that's another story. It turns out the issues we thought we were going home to were not nearly as bad as we invisioned them. Our neighbor aired out our car, and the smell from the water was gone. What we originally thought was rising water in the car, was actually just a leak in the sunroof. This is much easier to fix, and it's a lot less damaging to the vehicle. The ceiling that had fallen in due to an air conditioning leak was re-dry-walled and looked clean. The only remnant of the ceiling disaster was the smell of drywall and paint. We were so thankful that the situations with our house were not as big of a deal as we thought they were.

Despite the corrections to the house, Mark, Zane, and I spent one night in the house we thought would be our home upon returning to the United States. During the time that I was in Ethiopia, Mark took a new job with Hess Corporation. Originally, we thought we might be able to spend a week or two as a family in New Orleans, say our goodbyes, and gradually move to Houston. However, the one or two weeks we planned to spend as a family in New Orleans was spent in Addis Ababa waiting on embassy. Therefore, the next morning, our families arrived early at our house to pack and clean our house and get it ready to sell. By 1:00 p.m., our house looked professionally cleaned and staged, and we were on the road caravaning to Houston.

It's funny how things never go as planned, but they always turn out better than expected. What I thought was a delay in embassy clearance really was treasured time Mark and I had with Zane with no distractions in his birth-country. It was beautiful memories in places we never would have gone to otherwise, like the gorge or even the bakery up the street. What we think is disaster in our lives, like the leak in the ceiling or the flooding of our new car, were not really issues at all in the end. We got new drywall out of the deal and the assurance that our air conditioning is now in good selling condition. Our plan to say our goodbyes in New Orleans, while it would be nice for us to hang on to the way things were, really may have been more difficult for Zane, as he would have had to adjust twice to a new home, surroundings, and people. Now, we are all adjusting together to a new city, new apartment, and life as a family. We're all on an equal playing field so to speak. We're relying on each other and discovering new places together.

I don't know what the future holds for us here. A new house? New friends? New church? But one thing I have learned from this experience. Home is where family is. Whether in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, New Orleans, Louisiana, or Houston, TX, we've been home all along because we're together.

Day 62 & 63 - Going Home

2011-09-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

I can't really explain what I feel right now. Our journey to Zane is nearing an end, but our lives as a family of three in Texas is just beginning. It's surreal to think we will drive to the airport in only two hours and we will not see Ethiopia again for years to come. Addis Ababa has been my home for over two months now, and it has been my son's home for more than 6 months. I've wondered today if he has any idea what we are doing today...that we are flying to the other side of the world...that we are leaving his country...that we really don't live in the Yebsabi Guest House permanently. My feelings are bittersweet now as I right this. I go from feeling sadness and loss about leaving this place to elation about going home. Addis Ababa has been the furnace in which God has refined me with His Holy fire. It has been difficult, lonesome at times, and painful, but God has met me here, and I don't want to leave it...Him. I fear I will forget how God came to my rescue when I was so helplessly depressed at my lowest points here, or how he sent me fellowship at just the right moments. I fear my mind won't recall God's words to me each week at the International Evangelical Church and the way the pastor always spoke the exact words God needed me to hear. Will I remember the sounds of the Doxology and the African, American, British, and German accents that filled the air? What about the chorus "How Great Thou Art" sung at everyone's full capacity on our last Sunday there and the way the Ethiopians behind us trilled there tongues in traditional celebration when we sang, "Then I shall bow in humble adoration and there proclaim, My God, how GREAT Thou art!" How will I remember the feeling I had when Mark and I saw Zane walk for the first time, and the way we praised God for allowing us to see that? Will my mind allow me to adequately describe Zane's birthmother's face when she gave Addisu her last wishes and watched us drive out the gates of Abenezer Orphanage? As the sounds of the girls that live next door flood through my window, I am reminded that they will be grown the next time we come here. I wonder if "R" will still love us, Zane, animals, and pretty much everything in the world as much as she does today, or will her reality become bleak for her? What will become of the kids at Abenezer, Kid's Care, or Kingdom Vision, just a block from the Yebsabi? Who else might come and watch them play from the terrace almost every day praying for them to have families? I wonder if the staff here at the Yebsabi will still be here when we return? Will I ever see there smiles and hear their kind voices again? My heart. I'm overwhelmed with saddness, gratitude, joy, and expectation.

I know I will struggle to remember the details of every moment here in Addis, but I will never forget what God has done here. He has shown us His presence in ways we've never experienced. He has reminded us of his faithfulness and goodness. He's given us a heart for Ethiopia and its people. And He's provided His power and His peace in abundance. The symbol of Ethiopia is the Lion of Judah, and we have experienced Jesus here as both the Lion and the Lamb. He has been our strength and He has been our salvation. We praise Him.

As Ethiopia celebrates their New Year this Monday, we will be celebrating our first day in Houston, TX with our new son, Addisu. Addisu means, "The New One", and it is a Christian name given to him by his biological grandfather. It is not by chance that Addisu was given a Christian name. God was His father all along, and He still is. In Ethiopia, September is the New Year because it is the season when the rains cease and crops flourish. It is the time when all things become new, fresh, and second chances are given. I believe that it is no coincidence that we will take home our "New One" during the Ethiopian "New Year", for our God makes ALL THINGS new. And we look with great hope and anticipation at the deliverance he is bringing to our son and his birth country.

We look forward to seeing many of you in a matter of hours. Your prayers have been our strength and encouragement for 9 weeks, and we love you. We are so blessed to return to the family God has given us through Christ and to our country that we love so much.

See you stateside!

Mark, Cimbrey, and Zane

Day 61 - Embassy Eve!

2011-09-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to believe that tomorrow we will be going to our embassy appointment! In celebration of our future American's visa, Daddy and Zane got a haircut today and Zane wore his American fire truck pajamas! I saved them 9 weeks for tonight, and I can't believe it's here. Mark and I are excited for the appointment tomorrow, and the visa we will receive Friday morning before leaving for America! However, nothing compares to Zane's excitement. He has the best facial expressions! We've seen him really come to life over the past three weeks. His face is priceless and so difficult to capture in pictures. He loves to laugh and be silly. When we laugh with him, he squeals and buries his face in our chests. He's so affectionate and loving toward us. One of his favorite things to do lately is pucker up and give us kisses. He even blows kisses from across the room. He's such a sweet boy. Here's a few from Embassy Eve that sort of capture his precious personality.

"Who me?"

"Daddy's hilarious!"

Sweet boy

"So...I'm like...going to be an official citizen?"

"See...what happened was..."

"Daddy, you comin'?"

"Do they let you run on furniture in America? Okay, I'll go."

"YAY! I'm going home soon!!!"

Day 60 - When it Rains...

2011-09-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not the first to say, "When it rains, it pours!" Around Addis, this phrase is used quite literally during the rainy season. People run for cover when the slightest sprinkle begins knowing that torrential downpours are on the horizon. Figuratively, it seems as though this phrase is more of the rule than the exception in life. Rain, or trials come BOGO style, except instead of Buy One Get One, it should be Buy One Get 1,000.

Mark and I knew when we applied for adoption that we were going to be getting a lot more than a beautiful blessing from God. We were "buying" into potential battles, spiritual, financial, and relational. I have to admit, things have been relatively easy for us so far. Aside from the difficulty with paperwork, saving money, and the frequent "Is he white or hobesha (Ethiopian)?" stare, we've had no real issues. Until now...

Mark and I have been in a transitional period over the past two months. We live in New Orleans, but Mark has accepted a job in Houston. To keep things "easy" for the adoption, we've kept New Orleans our permanent address, and Mark has worked during the week in Houston while I've been in Ethiopia. When we return home (to New Orleans), we will be moving our address to Houston to be closer to Mark's work.

Shortly after Mark arrived in Addis two weeks ago, our friend (who was cleaning our house as a surprise to me from Mark) emailed and said there was an air conditioning leak in the roof and the ceiling had caved in leaving the carpet wet. Being completely powerless to change the situation a world away, we asked our friend to become our "general contractor" in repairing our house, especially since we are going to put in on the market soon. This was not good news, but manageable news I guess, and there was little we could do to change it.

A couple of days ago, as tropical storm Lee hovered near New Orleans, our neighbors emailed to show us the rising water in the neighborhood and ask if they could move our car out of the street. Thankful, we told them where they could find a key, and we hoped for the best. Yesterday, we got an email that the car floorboards were wet, and that there was an awful smell in the car. This is our newest car, and the car we planned to drive to Houston in with our son in his new carseat. Needless to say, those plans have changed.

Tomorrow I'm bracing myself for a tree to fall on the roof, a burglar to steal my TV, or maybe the truck will suddenly go into reverse and back into the neighbor's beautifully manicured garden! I'm ready. Bring it on, life!

"When it rains it pours" means more to me than the sloshy puddles I will wade through to get my next macchiatto down the street in Addis. These raindrops are starting to take the form of dollar signs, and they feel more like a hailstorm than a rainstorm.

In all of this, I am confident that God is on our side and working all things together for good because we love Him and are called according to His purpose. Even if it is that we do get a little wet along the way.

Day 57 - Winding Down!

2011-09-03T04:36:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how good news can bring such relief to an otherwise wound-up, anxious heart! With that relief comes extreem exhaustion. The andrenaline slows when there is an end in sight, and the body stops fighting as hard. I guess this is why coaches always tell runners to finish strong, run hard all the way past the finish line, don't let up and quicken the pace at the end. Pressing on to the finish is harder than it sounds. Every day here seems like a week because we know we are going home soon. In response to our drowsy, bored condition, Mark and I have been planning an outing every day. Thursday night, after hearing about our embassy clearance, Mark and I decided to celebrate with hamburgers! We'd been hearing rumors about a great restaurant here in Addis with hamburgers as good or better than home. We were skeptical, but we had to see what all the fuss was about. It turns out, it was the finest dining we had experienced here, and the burgers were in fact phenomenal. Fresh bread made on sight, gouda cheese, and garden vegetables make anything fantastic! The atmosphere was like a cool, city coffee shop with comfy chairs, books, big windows, and jazz music. It felt for a moment like we were in New Orleans! To top it off, we ordered a peanut butter, banana, and chocolate crepe for dessert (just like Le Crepe Nanou in NOLA) and hot chocolate. The hot chocolate was lightly flavored with orange zest and decorated with whip cream and cocoa powder. Really, I didn't know Addis could be so good to us. It was just what we needed on the day we found out we get to return to NOLA soon!

Yesterday, Mark and I went for a morning walk to Kahldi's and got macchiatos. Afterward, a local starred at Mark in the street wide-eyed and smiling and said, "Brad Pitt! I like you!" in a thick Amharic accent. Mark smiled and said, "Thank you." HA!!!! I guess the guy did't get word that Pitt's with a burnette now, and not a blond. It was the best compliment Mark could've wished for though, and we walked the entire way home laughing about it. Mark and I later visited our new friends' house. There are some Texans here working for a consulting company and ministering to the people of Addis. They are a beautiful family of 6 (all children under 5!), and they are so incredibly hospitable. The best part was enjoying Texas style tacos on fresh, homemade tortillas and coke out of the bottle. We loved connecting to our Texas roots and enjoying the fellowship of friends!

As I mentioned, the exhaustion has been creeping in on us as our bodies and minds have begun to relax more. Last night, I was so tired and grumpy, and I couldn't see waking up in the middle of the night with Zane again. My head hit the pillow and I was out. At 7:30 this morning, I realized that I slept through the entire night. I felt so refreshed, like God had given me a gift. He always knows what we can handle, and He doesn't give us any more than that. After breakfast, we did our devotional, and the topic was "I know God loves me because He gives me sleep!" HA! I know I've said this before, but I think it's amazing how God has been speaking to me through the book that was intended to minister to Zane. Yet again, God showed me that He loves me through such a simple concept: sleep.

Today, we decided to head to the Sheraton to see why in the world the rooms cost around $650 a night. Yea, that's dollars, not birr. We've heard it's a sight, and all of the Ethiopians are so proud to show it to you when we pass by it's vicinity. But again skeptical, we had to see it for ourselves. Our taxi drove up to a beautifully landscaped gate surrounded by flags from all over the world. The building was a palace complete with balconies on each room, terraces overlooking Addis, rose bushes, orange trees, and other beautiful plant life. In the lobby, we were taken with the view out the back windows overlooking a gorgeous fountain extending the entire length of the garden. Spiral staircases of marble and iron, enormous chandeliers, and the smell of fresh flowers captivated us. There were gift shops, a bakery, jewlery stores, a spa, ballrooms, 5 beautiful restaurants, an outdoor pool (resort really), a kid's playground, and halls of luxury. We spent about an hour and a half touring the amazing grandeur. To finish our posh outing, we ordered a strawberry tart and chocolate chip muffin from the bakery, sat on the plush couches of one of the many corridors, and soaked in the luxury of it all.

(Please note the game day attire for the Aggies' first game. Didn't think we'd forget did you?)

This outing was an interesting paradox as we stepped into the street, past the iron and gold gates, and into the reality of poverty and hope once again. A man begged us to ride in his taxi, children in rags pointed at us as if we were celebrities, and tin roofs corroded by rust filled our view once again. This city is a place of contrast: the wealthiest of wealthy citizens living alongside the poorest in the world. I don't know how to process this. I don't understand it or have any idea what to do about it. Sometimes I feel guilty. Should I have eaten that strawberry tart when this child staring at me has probably never even imagined one? What is Zane's birthmother doing right now as he stares over the marble barrier into a fountain of clear, cool water, not for drinking...just for decoration. I wonder if she's eaten today.

I honestly don't know what to feel about what I've seen and experienced here in Addis, but I know it won't leave my thoughts and the paradoxes I see haunt me. What does one do to change the social and governmental makeup of an entire country? Ministry after ministry come here to serve, money is sent to fund national programs, mission teams flood the region with aid, yet there is still the burden of so much need here...

I see the need, and I am powerless to do anything about it. At least anything that makes real and lasting change. I need something bigger and more powerful than me. All the money in the world won't change an aid-dependent people into thriving entrepreneurs. All the help in the world won't create a mighty, independent nation, and all the education in the world can save someone from generational poverty in a corrupt system. What can I do about THIS? I've decided I can do nothing. Maybe that's exactly what my mindset should be. Maybe God wants me to realize that it must be Him working through His people to exact change in anyone or anything on earth. Is this a cop-out? No! It is through Christ that ALL things are possible. I have a responsibility to pray, seek God's will for this country, intercede for them, and obey when God sends me out with clear direction. Only he can make impacting and lasting change.

Day 55 - Our God is a God of Miracles

2011-09-01T04:32:00.000-07:00

Zane was too active to sleep today at his normal nap time, but Mom and Dad were beat. We attempted to lay him in his crib and lay down ourselves on the bed for a little while, but he was inconsolable. He began by playing, calling "Mommy" and "Daddy", then it gradually escalated to a full out wail. I guess that's why they say the "cry it out method" isn't always best, especially for adopted children. So we got up, gave him a bottle (that he wouldn't drink earlier), and he was out in 5 minutes! Ha! That'll teach us, huh?

During that time, little did we know that we had received a very important email. As soon as Zane fell asleep, Mark opened my email account to find "Brannan Family - Case Cleared" in the subject line of an email sent about the time we first tried to put Zane down for his nap. "No wonder!" I thought, "Zane's been trying to tell us something this whole time!" Mark's eyes widened, and he said very seriously, "Cimbrey, come over here and sit down. I have something I want to read to you." We nervously opened the email, thinking all the while that it cannot possibly mean we are actually cleared! Our birthmother is supposed to be interviewed on Tuesday. The embassy is not doing any interviews this week. We were just at the AWAA offices this morning and no one had any information. What is going on?

Sure enough, the email stated exactly what the subject said. We were cleared at approximately noon today to receive a visa for our son to come home to the states. There was no explanation about the birthmother interview, no reason why we got the email today instead of next week, just a seemingly normal "clearance email".

The thing is, I know better. This event is anything but normal. It is impossible for us to have been cleared today when the embassy has stated in a number of emails to our agency and to us personally that there are no interviews this week, our birthmother needs to be interviewed to continue with our case, and they will not give preference to families in country. Not only have we received these emails, but a family with another agency was telling us about the same emails she is receiving just this morning.

But the other thing I know is that my God is the King of Kings. He is Sovereign over all governments, leaders, agencies, and people. His plans and purposes will reign forever. There is no doubt that God has answered the prayers of His people in our case. From the moment we started this process, to this very minute, God has prepared our son, our hearts, and our lives to obey him in adoption. Passing court was a miracle last month, and this embassy clearance surpasses that.

God is teaching me that there is no other Name under heaven by which men may be saved. Zane has not been rescued by two humanitarian citizens. It's certain that we have had no power in this situation at all. It's been quite humbling, actually to realize how little we matter in the broad scheme of things. Zane has not been rescued by the United States of America. While I love my country, it has been proven to me that American government is as bureaucratic and defective as any other institution in this world. We were made to serve a perfect King, and all other entities that raise themselves up to rule will fail us. People are people everywhere you go, and unfortunately, we are all tragically flawed. The only way that Zane has been rescued from from his helpless state is by the grace and power of God Himself. It is by His name we are all healed.

It is with that realization that I want Zane to grow into a man that loves God more than He loves me, Daddy, or anyone else in the world. God is the only One who will never disappoint.

Thank you again for your prayers. Your faithfulness to pray for us has ministered to us so much. We love you all.

Day 53 - The Gorge

2011-08-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

Mark and I decided to get out of the city today and go see the countryside. Our friend and driver with AWAA, David, came along and we headed to The Blue Nile Gorge about 2 hours outside of Addis Ababa. This gorge holds a river that feeds into the Blue Nile eventually, and it is loaded with baboons, lush plants, and three waterfalls.

The trip up there was fast and so incredibly beautiful. The highlands of Ethiopia are a remarkable sight. We constantly took pictures as the scenery became more and more beautiful. Zane slept about an hour of the two hour trip up there, and he didn't get car sick (a fear of mine)! About 30 minutes from the gorge, we stopped at a woman's house (hut) and asked to come in to see how people in the country live. She was very generous to let us come inside her home, meet her family, and tour her property. Here are some pictures of the drive up, and our new friend from the country:

So, we taught Zane what the cow says on the trip up there because there are cows EVERYWHERE. Unfortunately "Moo" became his new favorite word, and that was all he wanted to say for the rest of the trip.

When we finally got to the gorge, we drove back to a restaurant on the cliff (plateau) overlooking dense fog. We couldn't see anything. The entire canyon was veiled in an opaque, white cloud. We continued on trusting that we would see something eventually. We began to feel the spray of the falls before we could even see them. It was hard to tell if it was rain or the force of the falls splashing the water back up on us. Little by little, the fog dissipated and the most beautiful sight was unveiled. We felt as though we were in National Geographic magazine. The canyon was layered with lush plant life. Aloe, mint, and cacti covered the rocky terrain. 1,000 ft. of water rushed with the force of angels wings, mighty yet peaceful. We approached a 400 year old bridge, supposedly built by the Portuguese although that's debated, and crossed over the falls to the other side of the canyon. From that side, we continued to climb higher to see the falls from different view points. Suddenly, a large family of Galada Baboons hopped across our path and seemed to fall over the edge of the cliff. Their agile bodies clung to the side of the canyon with amazing strength and balance. We were amazed to be so close to something we've only seen in zoos in America. There was nothing keeping us from approaching them, except their exceptional speed, and nothing kept them from approaching us. It was thrilling in every way.

Zane was fully aware of his surroundings. As an observant naturalist already, he pointed out other baboons hiding in the rocks, the water cutting into the valley, the flowers that grew from the mint plants, and many other sights. He was enthralled.

We finished our outing with traditional food, tibs, shero, injera, and reluctantly approached the car to return to Addis. Zane slept the entire way home (PERFECT!), and we silently soaked in the scenery once more.

Mark and I were so happy to have the experience of the country to share with Zane when he gets older. We want him to know how beautiful his country is, and how incredible the people are. Today was about more than getting out of town, it was about understanding what makes Ethiopia such a unique country and being able to share that with our son was an experience of a lifetime.

Day 50...but who's counting?!

2011-08-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

Last night I prayed that Zane's tummy would feel full all night long and that he would have sweet dreams. I prayed his angel would stand guard over him and give him peace and protection throughout the night. This morning we awoke to a cooing baby playing in his crib after 11 hours of sleep! Praise the Lord! God is so good to answer the smallest of prayers to remind us he's still listening.

Zane has eaten table food for breakfast the past two days, which is amazing! I've been really encouraged as he continues to trust us to feed him things he likes. After breakfast, we had our devotional and God reminded us again that we can have confidence in Him. It specifically said in the book that God fights for you, which has been on my heart for the past 5 days or so. It's amazing how the Holy Spirit gives me a message and then God confirms it later through His word, a devotional, or a pastor. I believe that God's already gone before us into the embassy, cleared a path for us, and that He is fighting for our case to be handled in His perfect timing.

To get out of the guest house a little bit, Mark and I asked some AWAA friends here if they'd like to take the kids to the African Park. This park was established as a celebration of the African Union in 2004. It is extremely well-kept with lush landscaping, fun playground equipment, and even a concession stand. Zane had an absolute blast. His whole demeanor changed when he went down a slide again. He has not gotten to do that since he left the transition home on August 4th. Mom and I taught him how to slide, so when he saw it, he immediately new what to do. His laugh was infectious as he slid down the same slide for the 50th time in a row. It never gets old.

Our time there was such a great bonding experience for our family. It takes a lot of trust to get on playground equipment, like a slide, and expect someone to catch you at the bottom. It also is a great way to make eye-contact, laugh together, and experience Mommy and Daddy in a silly new way. We are so thankful for the time we spent there, and for our new friends who chose to come along with us!

Zane took a 2 1/2 nap today - another big blessing since he slept so long last night! Mark and I napped with him, and felt very refreshed. We had a fun afternoon playing in the room, kicking the soccer ball outside, and going to dinner at Zebra Grill down the street. Zane was very well-behaved, and he continued to try things like french fries and ketchup at dinner.

One of my favorite parts of the day is bath time. His excitement and joy is contagious. I love how good he feels and how happy he gets when he's clean. He loves to be held, have lotion put on, and play on the bed before he gets his bottle and goes to bed. These moments are priceless, and I want to keep them forever.

When Mark and I sit back and think of the man Zane will become and the possibilities for his future, we are overwhelmed with hope, gratitude, and love. While we don't understand everything in this process of adoption, and while we can get focused on the frustrating bureaucratic methods, we know that this is time together that we will never have again - focused bonding time with our little boy who will grow faster than we know. No matter where in the world we are, we are family, and we are home when we are together.

Day 48 - U.S. Embassy

2011-08-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

This morning we received two emails from the US Embassy about our case. One, we need another document that will be provided by Zane's orphanage Monday morning. Two, they want to interview Zane's birthmother who lives about 10 hours away. The agency is working to have her here on Monday afternoon; however, embassy says they will not interview her until Sept. 6th. Mark and I are struggling to understand why the United States would want to interview Zane's birthmother after she has been interviewed in this process four times already. Please pray for the US Embassy and the people who work there. Pray they remember that these case numbers represent children's lives, their health, their families, etc. Pray for compassionate people to be present on Monday and agree to interview the birthmom earlier than they told us they would.

We are totally out of control in this situation and frankly, a bit disillusioned by our government institution that should be advocating for us. But God is over governments and we know he is fighting for us in ways we don't even know yet. Please pray for God's deliverance to come quickly!

Day 47 - Families Stick Together

2011-08-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

"Families Stick Together" is a phrase I read in Karen Purvis's Connected Child on adopted children. Parents say it to reinforce to their adopted child that strangers are in fact STRANGE, as in stay away from them. Where many parents of biological children are teaching their toddler how to be friendly and share, adoptive parents are doing the opposite. Not because we are exclusive, possessive freaks who want our children all to ourselves, but because our children do not have the "caution sign" or "red flag" or "safe zone" that most well-adapted bio children have. This can lead to very awkward moments between children and adults, and even adults with one another.

Mark and I decided to make today a day about reinforcing family bonds. We tried to stay away from other people as much as possible (which is really impossible at a guest house - key word is "tried.") For the most part, we were together and interacting with one another all day. We played a few impromptu games like, "Where's mommy?" where I hid my face and surprised Zane with "Here I Am!" We also played "Go Get Daddy/Mommy!" outside where one of us holds are arms out wide and the other one says to him, "Go get Daddy/Mommy" as we lead Zane to the other parent. Mark also came to me many times and "love Mommy" while hugging and kissing me, compelling Zane to join him. We also played "Kiss Daddy/Mommy" making an elaborate kissing noise that makes Zane laugh. Zane hums with his lips puckered up and kisses us with a loud smack. When I need to change Zane's diaper or feed him, Mark now picks him up, hands him to me, and says "Go to Mommy!" This has been great for two reasons: it reinforces who I am, Mommy, and it keeps Zane from feeling like he's being "snatched" away from something he wants to do. We realized taking him abruptly away from something is a HIGH anxiety move. He needs to be gently coaxed or made aware of a change before it happens. This is something totally normal for adopted children to experience.

A few times today, Zane said Mommy or Momma, which has not happened consistently yet. In fact, Zane says Emmie for Mommy a lot and he's been using the word to call out to most white women he wants attention from. Like the word "Daddy", he has not learned that Mommy is an exclusive word for a very close relationship. People who want to be friendly to children look at this as a cute, endearing thing for a child to do. It strokes any woman's ego for a cute baby to call for them, reach out to them, or love on them; however, when women reach back for him, hold him, or love on him, they reinforce that Mommy is not a sole person responsible for my nurture and protection. Mommy is anyone who will pay attention to me.

An AWAA friend, Brandon Hatmaker, put it perfectly when he was here picking up his son Ben last week. He said, "I don't want my daughter to be 16 and unable to be without a boyfriend because she is still desperately trying to fill the place I, her Dad, should fill." My heart breaks when I think about the possibility of raising a child with all your will power, yet never getting that it's about attachment and bonding. A mom and a dad can be present, loving, and attentive, yet when there is a place in a child's soul full of fear, isolation, and rejection, they can completely not receive the love being shown to them. I too do not want Zane to grow up with the insecurity many orphans have that they must fight for themselves in this world, they must get there needs met by whatever means necessary, and then search for love in all the wrong places!

This is why Mark and I are convinced that a period of "nesting" is absolutely vital right now in Ethiopia with our son in a somewhat familiar environment. In addition, we are becoming more and more aware of the need for a period of solitude when we return home. This is so uncomfortable for us because we are so social, excited to see family and friends, and eager to return to our lives back home, but the investment we pay in Zane's emotional health now will save us a lot of tragedy later. While Zane is healthy and seems to be happy, there is a deep emotional and spiritual battle waging in him, as it does in all of us, for security, protection, and family.

While Mark and I will try not to be rude, stand-offish, or offensive in our attempt to nurture the bonding taking place between Zane and the two of us, we will reserve affection to be displayed toward us alone initially. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding, and the provision of all needs, such as food, water, shelter, and getting dressed will be benefits we have as being Zane's parents. We will ask friends and family to remain loving and friendly, but somewhat distant at first in affection and provisions. For example, Zane may run to a family member after falling and scraping his knee. We would like for that family member to point to Mommy or Daddy, or hand him directly to us to comfort him. Another example might be when Zane is giggling and playing hide and seek, he may run to a friend to hide behind their legs. This would be a good time to step aside and allow Mommy and Daddy to "protect" him or "shelter" him from the "play bad guy".

We are so thankful to have the advice of Karen Purvis and other child specialists who have taught us so much about what little things like the events mentioned above can do to promote attachment. It is a small sacrifice at the beginning of an adopted child's relationship with the parents that makes a huge impact on their life long-term. We are also so thankful for family and friends who pray for our family and understand the monumental endeavor we are undergoing to build trusting bonds with our child. Your prayers are being answered and we see that every day. The breakthroughs we've had just today, after a difficult day yesterday, have proven that God is listening and acting in our midst as you pray. The best possible way you can minister to our hearts and our family's wholeness is to go before God's throne and ask Him for his wisdom, mercy, and love to be ever present in our minds and hearts. We thank you so much that you are already praying for that.

We love you!

Day 46 - Mark's Birthday!

2011-08-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Today is Mark's 32 birthday, and I'm so glad we get to spend it with him. We woke up at 4:30 this morning to Zane crying "Happy Birthday" in his best "singing" voice! How thoughtful! Thankfully he went back to sleep and we all slept until about 8:00. Best gift ever! We woke up and did our normal routine of getting dressed and eating breakfast together, then we headed out for a walk and to run errands. On the way back, we enjoyed m34RR4achiattos and sambusa (like an empanada or meat pie). We all napped for a couple of hours and then went to the Addis Lion Zoo. It's a cool park where they have black mane lions (like Scar from The Lion King), primates, and some interesting birds, like Egyptian geese. It's not a very big park, but it was good to get out and do something. We also enjoyed visiting with the Browns who went along with us with their son, Colton.

Having Mark here has been great company for me, and it's been a load of fun for Zane to have his "celebrity" Daddy here. He still looks at the iPAD, then looks at him, and asks, "Daddy?" For all he knows Daddy is a movie star.

It has been a huge transition to have Mark here. Every new component that is added to Zane's life is so incredibly overwhelming to him. We have read tons of books on attachment, connecting with children at-risk or sensory deficient, and we are seeing the need to review that information and recall what we learned. Zane is hyper-vigilant with sensory input, and we're realizing how important it is to be alone, interacting together, and eliminating all distracting components. Melt-downs have become pretty common in the last couple of days, so we could use your prayers for wisdom and strength to parent him the way God would have us to.

Zane needs so much. His life experience has left him a little insecure about adults, and his new parents look very similar to other white families that are in and out of the guest house. This creates a lot of confusion and a lot of heartache for us as we see him going indiscriminately to other parents. Please pray that God will help him understand that families stick together, and that he can be secure and at peace with us. Pray also for his heart to stop racing so much, and for him to trust us enough to love and protect him. His hypervigilance is causing some anxiety that is evident to us, as he cries about common things like sitting to eat dinner.

I have heard that it is common for children from hard places to make a lot of progress then seem to regress suddenly. I am confident that the Lord is healing his heart and making him whole. Pray for us that we can minister to him the way the Lord wants us to. Ultimately, God is his Father, Healer, Protector, Provider, and His Everything. We just want to reflect that to Zane, so he finds his significant and worth in the God who made him.

On another note, we have not heard from the embassy yet, but we are confident that God is in control and working all things together for good for us. Please pray that anyone who would seek to keep these children captive and away from their families would be dismissed from the embassy, and that anyone who wants to make a name for themselves would be thwarted. Adoption is God's business, and He alone should receive all the glory.

We are thankful that God has us together working through issues that are inevitable in adoption. We hope that this time together in Ethiopia will prepare us for a smoother transition when we return to the states.

Thank you again for your prayers!

Day 44-45 - Daddy's Here!!

2011-08-22T01:21:00.000-07:00

Mark arrived right on time yesterday morning to have breakfast at the guest house and go to church with us! It is such a comfort to have him here. We came home from church to take naps and play outside a little while before heading to dinner.

Ironically, I have two friends from high school here in Addis Ababa right now. Casey Picker and his wife, MaryBeth, were here this week with a mission team working on a school south of the city. Allen Brewer and his wife Katie, just moved to Addis to teach in the International School here in the old airport area. It's crazy to be here at the same time all for different reasons. We met up last night at Yod Abyssina for traditional dinner and dancing. Zane did great. He watched the dancers, behaved himself, and allowed mom and dad to visit with their friends. He's able to adjust his schedule and stay pretty much on track the next day. I did have to wake up with him a couple of times, but that's to be expected since we kept him out late.

Today, Mark and I are praying and waiting for the embassy to clear us so we can get an appointment this week. There are two other couples from our agency who arrived this weekend to petition the embassy. Please pray for all of us as we wait that God would give us wisdom in what we should do (or not do) while we are here. Pray also that the embassy would continue to have adoption appointments even though they claimed they would not for two weeks.

We are trying to enjoy the time here as a family while we wait. We will try to have an outing each day, and we are making the best of it. We thank the Lord that we are together, and we hope for a progress-filled week with embassy!

Day 43 - A Few Updates

2011-08-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

With all the prayers for embassy, I haven't been doing a good job keeping you up-to-date with Zane.

Zane is a very picky eater. He is not into ANY table food really, except saltine crackers. Occasionally, he will eat a bite of toast, but not every day. He's got to be in the mood for it. I have had to go to the supermarket here twice and stock up on the only baby foods he seems to like: wheat cereal and rice with vegetable cereal. Sounds great, right?! If he does not eat what he likes, there is usually a melt down. I never EVER thought I would have a picky eater! I eat just about anything! So, this has obviously been an adjustment. I think we're in a good routine now though.

Zane has been opening up and trusting me more and more. He will try foods that he never would've eaten before. Granted, he hates them, but he's trying them now. He tried a french fry, rice, and a few other things that I thought he'd never eat! Surprisingly, the kid does not like icecream. Sure do wish that was the case for me!

Zane continues to LOVE bath time more now than ever before. He's so excited to get in the bath that he has the open-mouth smile you see in Day 41's post, and he shakes his head with glee! It's hilarious. I'm trying to keep bathtime about the same amount of time each night, so he doesn't freak out when I take him away from the bath. He's learning that he gets to do this routine every night, so he's very pleased.

Zane is obsessed with shoes. He loves to have them on because that usually means we get to go outside. However, he'll wear them 24/7 if I let him, to bed and all.

Zane loves to bark like a dog. Whenever he hears one, he pretends he's a dog too. I really hope this means he will like Gracie and Callie. And I hope they're not too overwhelming when he comes home!

Zane thinks birds are fascinating. He notices them far in the distance and points. He says something like "meow" when he sees them, so I think we're still a little confused. We're working on animal identification.

Zane thrives on a scheduled routine. We are totally flexible with the clock, but not with the routine. He's been sleeping during every nap because I kept it at the same time as the transition home. The past three nights he has slept through the night with no problems because I adjusted his eating schedule by 30 minutes. It's amazing how much security and trust a schedule has brought him. The great thing about it is that as long as I'm prepared for eating time and nap time, I can go and do just about anything and he will eat/sleep wherever! Great!

Daddy is coming to see us tomorrow morning. We are soooooo excited. Zane has no idea, but I think he's going to think a celebrity has come to visit. We watch videos of Mark every day and he kisses the iPad.

Please pray we get an embassy appointment next week. We need God to open the doors for us and let us through. The embassy is not doing any adoption visas for two weeks starting Aug. 25th. Pray that our Sovereign God leads peoples' hearts to give us one anyway!

Day 41...Again

2011-08-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I already posted today, but I have to tell you about our afternoon!
Zane has long, curly hair, as you know from the pictures. He is so obviously a boy, with his blue jeans and blue shirts and tennis shoes...HOWEVER, that means nothing in Ethiopia. He's been called a girl a few times and today I realized his hair was getting long enough to braid. Fine, if it coils up and lies flat on his head. Not fine if it frizzes into a poof in 4 spots on his head.
So we ventured to the barber across the street from the guest house and decided it was time for a trim. Well, a trim in Ethiopia is a full on shave. It is not in style here for boys to wear their hair long. In fact, he wanted to know if he could keep a curly tail in the back for "fashion". That lets you know how the communication was going! Anyway, by the time Zane was done...he was ready to enlist in the FIGHTIN' TEXAS AGGIE CORPS OF CADETS! WHOOP!

Here's some pics of our new little Aggie stud:

"Farmers Fight! Farmers Fight! Fight! Fight! Farmers Farmers Fight!"

New Aggie Running Back

"Texas! Texas! AMC!"

Aftergame cool down...

Day 41 - Needing Another Miracle

2011-08-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

We received an email yesterday that was very discouraging. As you know, we are praying for remarkable timing with our embassy clearance, and the likelihood that this will happen is very slim. Nevertheless, we need to be available if an appointment does come available, so Mark is traveling here in faith that we will be cleared to go home before the 25th when embassy appointments do not seem to be available. It is very difficult to believe that God can do this for us when it really seems impossible. We need God to show Himself mighty again on our behalf, and we need your prayers for another miracle.

Pray for the person reviewing our file at embassy that they would be passionate about reviewing it quickly and have favor on our case.

Pray for us to have increased faith that God is able to do more than we can ask or imagine.

Pray that God will be glorified through the miracles He is performing on our behalf.

Pray that the embassy would have an appointment available and reserved by God just for us next week or even into the week it appears there may be no appointments available. We need God to make it happen.

Pray for Mark as he is missing work. Pray his team is understanding and that Mark can do what he needs to do for work from Ethiopia. Pray especially that he can return to work quickly, so he does not take up all vacation time.

Pray that God will give us peace as He fights for us.

Thank you all for the prayers. We know our God is able.

Day 39 - Calling All Prayer Warriors

2011-08-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today we got an email from our agency saying that our paperwork would most likely be submitted tomorrow morning. That is a big step in coming home; however, this is where the prayer requests begin...

The embassy apparently has no appointments available for Aug. 25th - Sept. 2nd. Usually they spend about 10 days reviewing paperwork and then they'll let you know they need additional paperwork and/or they are doing a full investigation on your case. If our paperwork is submitted tomorrow, this leaves them very little time to review our case and no time for additional paperwork or investigations before having to wait another two weeks for an appointment.

Mark and I are praying and planning for God to move in a huge way this week. We need you all to pray that the embassy would have favor on us, that all paperwork would be clearly there, and that there would be no need for further investigation into Zane's case. We also need for you to pray that the embassy would prioritize our paperwork and would allow us an appointment before the 24th. This would allow us to have an appointment before the two week period of no availability.

Mark and I appreciate your faithful prayers. We desire to be together at home as a family so badly, and we trust that God will show us His glory.

For all of you adopting or considering adoption, please read the post below from Together For Adoption. It really blessed me to know our suffering is not in vain. I hope it encourages you like it did me.

From www.togetherforadoption.org -

No Such Thing as Adoption without Suffering

BY DAN CRUVERPublished Jun 6, 2011

Romanticizing adoption is so very easy and tempting to do.

But adoption always involves suffering. Just ask any birthmother or a child who is one of three hundred orphans in a Chinese orphanage or an adoptive couple who has lived with infertility for years or an adoptive couple who is experiencing the high-ups and low-downs of the adoption process. Sometimes the suffering is deeply intense and ongoing—like that of an orphan languishing each day in a nightmarish orphanage—while other times it’s the heavy heart of the couple waiting to bring their child home. There is no such thing as adoption without suffering.

The same thing is true of our adoption by God. The adoption to which we were predestined (Eph. 1:5) could not have happened without Jesus redeeming us “through his blood” (Eph. 1:7). There is no such thing as being adopted into God’s family apart from the suffering of Jesus. Jesus cried “Abba! Father!” in the Garden of Gethsemane (Mark 14:36) so that we could become sons of God who cry “Abba! Father!” by the Spirit (Rom. 8:15). Our adoption necessarily involved suffering—infinite suffering.

I love windows. They allow me to sit in a small “world” (my home, for example) and look out into a big world. Through windows we can see beautiful beaches, lush green meadows, and towering snowcapped mountains.

I once sat in a small room in China looking out through a window that allowed me to see a beautiful mountain vista. I was very thankful for that window because the room I sat in was hot, humid, and confining. The window allowed me to see a “world” that I would not have seen otherwise; and it opened up for me an experience of joy that my little room could have never given me. But in order to look through that window I had to sit in a room of uncomfortable and sometimes suffocating humidity.

Our suffering now as the children of God is a window that provides us with the opportunity to get glimpses of a world more beautiful and more wonderful than can be imagined. Paul writes, “we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Rom. 8:23). You don’t groan unless you are suffering. Happy people don’t groan. Suffering people do. Orphans groan. Birthmothers groan. Adoptive families groan. A broken world groans.

But with the eyes of faith suffering people who have been given the Spirit of adoption (Rom. 8:15) can look through the window of their suffering into a future world where all things are made new. Because of the gospel, our window of suffering provides us with the opportunity to get glimpses (with the eyes of faith) of a future world that “will be set free from its bondage to corruption,” a world that will “obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God” (Rom. 8:21).

Yes, we still suffer, but we do not suffer as those without hope (1 Thess. 4:13-14). Because of Jesus and the gift of the Spirit of adoption, God turns our suffering into a window that allows the eyes of faith to get glimpses of what will one day be.

Though there is no such thing as adoption without suffering, for the Christian there is also no such thing as adoption without glory and unspeakable joy. Right now we live in “the sufferings of this present time” (Rom. 8:18), but there is coming a day when all who have been adopted by God through the suffering of Jesus will “be glorified with him” (Rom. 8:17). We will one day share in the glory of the resurrected Jesus. This means that the day is coming when everything sad will come untrue (Yes, Sam, everything sad will come untrue). This is the good news of the gospel. This is the hope that moves us forward in “the sufferings of this present time.”

So, whatever kind of suffering you are being confronted with in the adoption of a child (whether you are the birthmother, child, or adoptive parent), don’t lose sight of the gospel. Only the gospel can fill you with fresh hope, endurance, and, yes, even joy in the midst of your heartache now. Your adoption by God has profound relevance for the adoption of a child (and all the suffering involved in it).

Day 36 - Dancing

2011-08-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

There is a lot I want to share about today! It started out rocky, as Zane was up at 1:00 am hungry. It was quickly resolved with a bottle though. The Wests were heading out at about 10 this morning to go to the famous, largest African market here in Ethiopia. The first day I was here, an adoptive mom with AWAA was mugged there with her son and daughter present. It was scary to me to think of going, but today, I was so desparate to get out and do something that I didn't care about the risks. I took a diaper bag full of snacks, bottle, games, and books and my Ergo to keep Zane occupied. He was fabulous! The entire time, he just looked around at all the sites, and he was very patient. Wow! What a blessing. The market was PACKED with people. It's Saturday, and its one of the only sunny days we've had this week. It is CRAZY, but definitely worth saying I've been.

After the market, we took a quick stop by the best coffee shop ToMoca to get coffee (mine was a machiatto) and post office area to get scarves (for the Wests friends and family). Today is Yonas's birthday, so we were fortunate to have him along with us! We had lunch at the Passion Burger (What a name!?) and went back to the guest house for Dance Party Ethiopia! In the background, you will here What a Friend We Have in Jesus. This was our devotional song of the day, and the words ministered to me so much (again). Thank God for the people who write hymns and praise songs. They are life to me sometimes!

The words of the song are:

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

Here's our first dance as mother and son. Zane is leading, obviously. He's such a gentleman! :)

Click here to see the video:

DANCE VIDEO

Day 35 - Good Day

2011-08-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

I prayed last night that God would help me wake up with joy this morning, and he did. I didn't have the anxiety in my heart that I've been having for the past week. There is a spirit of oppression looming over me, ready to steal my joy and my peace every second. I feel the battle raging around me between Satan and the Most High God as I learn to care for this little boy. I have heard many times people in the Christian adoption community say that adoption opens doors to ruthless spiritual warfare. There is an Evil One who would love nothing more for generations of children to grow up neglected, emotionally closed off, and afraid. Whether the child is an orphan or not, children are a target of the enemy because he knows his time is short. Adoption is a clear earthly picture though, of what we have in Christ. We, separated from God because of sin, have been grafted into his family through the sacrifice of Jesus. Who gets this better than an adopted child? An orphan, separated from his family because of earthly circumstances, has been grafted into a family through the (meager but similar) sacrifice of parents. On top of that, we are bringing a child into a Christian home where he will be taught the love of Christ and prayed for continually. The power of God will be in our home and evident to him, so Satan is not happy.

I went to the terrace early this morning with Zane strapped to me by an Ergo. We walked the four corners of the terrace looking out onto the city, and it seemed so peaceful. Looking down from up above gives you new perspective and new hope. I prayed aloud for my heart, as I am grieving tremendously the absence of my husband. I asked the Lord to remind me once again of the lesson he has taught me my entire life, in every season, that He alone is enough. I prayed aloud over every fruit of the Holy Spirit to be alive and not quenched in my soul. I asked for LOVE to abound in my heart, that I may see everyone and every situation as God sees them, for he IS love. I asked for JOY to fill my soul because it is already mine in the Holy Spirit that God says lives within me. I prayed for PEACE of mind to know that God is over government, authority, and all adoption legalities. I asked God for PATIENCE to see what God is doing in and around me, and help me understand why I must wait. I prayed for KINDNESS to exude from my mouth and my heart, so that all I come in contact with would see Him. I prayed for GOODNESS to be my motivation for giving my time and my energy to Zane each minute. I asked for FAITHFULNESS to fight the good fight, and win the race; to stay true to the calling he has given me in this season of my life. I asked for GENTLENESS to be on my face and in my heart as I speak to Zane and teach him what love is. I prayed for SELF-CONTROL to remember that my first calling is not to my husband, to adoption, to Zane, or America. My calling is to Him alone. He is all that I ever have or ever will need. Oh that I could always find satisfaction in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my light and my salvation. He is my fortress; I will NEVER be shaken.

This time with God, plus the devotional time Zane and I are spending together each morning, set my eyes and my heart on God alone. Thankfully, I invested in book called 100 Ways to Know God Loves Me from Target's online site. Every day, it has a verse, a story that relates to children, and a song to sing along with the devotional. Zane loves the songs, and I don't know if he's listening to the devotional at all, but God's word is going forth. The titles have been perfect: I Know God Loves Me Because...He gave me a family, He gave me a home, He gave me friends, etc. For me, it reminds me of all the things I have to be thankful for, and the many blessings God has given me. My purpose, no matter where I am is to know Him and make Him known. Lord, let it be. I pray He reveals Himself to me, and He shows Himself faithful and true to others at all times.

Zane was on schedule the rest of the day, played well, had a lot of fun with Mommy, and ate well too! I am so thankful that God reminded me that he is good, he gives us rest, and he fills our hearts with joy.

Day 34 - Things I Am Thankful For

2011-08-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today I need to recount all of the blessings God has given me in this season. So here it goes...

1. I am so encouraged by the loving and compassionate people who have commented on my blog, especially on Day 33. It is good to know that God has given so many of us shared experiences to mutually encourage one another.

2. I am thankful that Zane is in a good mood right now and feeling playful.

3. I am thankful that the Wests passed embassy today and are able to take their sick son to the states on the next flight they can get.

4. I am thankful that I don't have to be perfect because God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.

5. I am thankful that the Brannans will be together soon, in God's perfect timing.

6. I am thankful that God is not finished with me, and that he is teaching me through this season, as he does in each season of my life. Refinement is hard, but I pray that I come forth as pure gold.

7. I am thankful for the Yebsabi staff who asks me if I'm okay, and if I need anything. I'm also thankful for Job, Yonas, and David who FB me and offer to do anything I need.

8. I am thankful for David, the chef here at the Yebsabi, who makes delicious dinners and his staff who is so friendly to Zane and me.

9. I am thankful that God is working all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.

10. I am thankful that Becca and Sarah West are playing with Zane right now as I type this.

11. I am thankful for Tim Dreyfus who consistently sends encouragement almost every day to Mark and I.

12. I am thankful for my mom who gave up so much time and energy to be here with me for two weeks.

13. I am thankful for my mother-in-law who encourages me on FB every day.

14. I am thankful for my husband who has incredible wisdom, encouragement, and faithfulness.

15. I am thankful that Zane has a Daddy who is funny, strong, and so loving.

16. I am thankful for Coreena, who is here for the forth time to see her daughter who cannot come home yet. I'm blessed by her strength, positivity, and fellowship.

17. I am thankful for lessons I'm learning, like to not be too task oriented, and to take time for the "non-productive" stuff that matters most.

18. I am thankful for the fellowship I have with other adoptive parents through AWAA, and their strength and encouragement.

19. I am thankful for my church family back home who is praying continually for us, and strengthening me with encouragement even this far away.

20. I am thankful that Zane is a healthy, lovable boy who is showing so much growth and potential.

I could go on and on, but I am most overwhelmingly thankful for the prayers of all the saints who have lifted us up to the father, and asked that He show his presence to us in a mighty way. My heart is so full of gratitude for you.

Day 33 - Clinic

2011-08-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Today, Zane and I had planned to hang out at the guest house all day and try to work on his schedule. HA! That didn't happen! We got a call at 9:00 a.m. saying that we needed to be at a clinic nearby at 10:00 a.m. We had to get ready, call a taxi, and try to determine how long we were going to be there. The embassy requires that all kids have another physical exam before being submitted for embassy clearance. That means another step has been completed today. I am praying that we are submitted to embassy tomorrow. After submission, it takes 7-10 days for the embassy to go through all of your paperwork. Then they decide if they need to do a special investigation into your case or not. PLEASE PRAY WITH ME THAT EMBASSY WILL NOT DECIDE TO DO AN ADDITIONAL INVESTIGATION.

In Ethiopia, adoptions are final when the judge declares you have passed court. However, the U.S. embassy must look into your case before coming home. There is a woman I met today who has passed court (in January), but the embassy is still investigating her case. In fact, she said it is now in Washington D.C. This type of bureaucracy is so difficult for the children and parents who are apart. I'm praying we do not get stuck in a situation like this.

Zane is still sick with an ear, nose, and throat infection. His medicine is giving him diarrea. Please pray for both of us. I'm about to go insane with "clean-ups" and Zane cries constantly. On top of that, I looked in his mouth today and he has two molars that are coming in. Hence, more crying, ear ache, etc. Pray that God will give him comfort and peace, and me the strength and wisdom to know what to do.

I feel very blessed that the Wests are still here. Her sister arrived from the US today and she is a doctor. Been asking her a lot of questions and feeling a little better about the situation with Zane.

Thank you for the words of encouragement you have been sending me on FB and on the comments section of this blog. I am teary-eyed when I read them because I need them so badly. I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel very homesick. Your encouragement is vital to me, and I appreciate you allowing God to speak through you to me.

Praying in faith that we will be cleared to come home in approximately one week...

Day 32 - Good News!

2011-08-08T03:54:00.000-07:00

This morning Zane and I went to see the doctor at the transition home. Turns out he has an ear, nose, throat infection, and we got him antibiotics to help with that. The pharmacy is right by the guest house! And, there is a market that has formula across the street. That makes me feel so comfortable! We came back to the guest house to rest after a long morning of goodbyes at the transition home, and Job called at 1:49 pm. Our paperwork for embassy is ready and we are making a trip to immigration this afternoon! What does this mean? I HAVE NO IDEA! But it's one step closer to being cleared to come home! Yea! Pray for Zane to feel better.

Day 30 - Feeling Refreshed!

2011-08-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

I want to first thank you for the encouraging emails, FB messages, and blog comments I have received in the past 20 hours. You're prayers are so important to me. The Lord is answering them everyday, and I want you all to know that He is being so faithful and so evident to me as you are praying for me.

After my last blog post, Mom and I fell on some pretty hard hours. As you know, things were already hard, so you can imagine our response. The mouse situation got worse, and we got more and more tired. Bad combo. This mouse, which we actually think was maybe 3 mice unless the mouse is Houdini himself, got braver by the minute. I was already stressed knowing that we had a mouse somewhere in the house, but as the hours ticked on, we saw the mouse (mice) every 10 minutes or so scurry across the floor to another hiding spot. Obviously, Mom and I aren't going to bed with the mouse (mice) running around between every room. We finally had the idea to block the mouse in the kitchen with luggage and set a trap in the kitchen the next day. That way, we could at least know that the bedrooms were safe. As I'm finishing a conversation with Mark about cornering the mouse in the kitchen, Mom runs into the living area with Zane in her arms sound asleep. She calmly, in her very controlled, motherly way says, "It was in the bed with Zane." What?????? Okay. Clearly, sleeping was out of the question. It was too late at that point to hire a driver to come get us, and the neighbors had already been over to try to catch it. There was little we could do at 11:15 at night, so we came up with a plan. We would make a pallet for Zane on the kitchen table (no place for mice to burrow) and sit on either side of him watching the area on shifts. Mom would sleep a little with her head down on the table while I watched for mice and made sure Zane was not rolling off the table, and I would sleep while Mom did the same. It was our only choice. About 3 am, 10 1/2 hours into our battle against the mice, one mouse went crazy. I hopped up on the chair with Zane in my arms, and mom chased the mouse around the living room, as it scurried all over looking for an escape. Finally, he neared the door and mom swept him into the hallway out the door into the yard. There was a sense of relief in our faces, but we were restless about the possibility of others. We continued with our plan.

I think it was about 4 am when the Lord brought to mind a verse I have studied in the past. Psalm 130:6 "My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning." I totally get it now. If I had been a watchmen in a tower on a city wall last night waiting for any enemies who might approach, I would have FAILED. It was torturous having all of that anxiety in me, the desire to keep watch over Zane all night, and the physical strength of a peanut to do so. When the Psalmist says that his soul waits on the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, this is huge. When you have stayed up all night waiting for morning, you are waiting with eagerness and expectation that the morning will come. Your not falling asleep on the job because you may lose it! Your focused, controlled, and confident that the morning is on its way, and a time of rest will follow. Waiting on the Lord that way is to know that the Lord will come, and He will deliver. He will do what he has promised. The Psalmist waits with controlled confidence on the God who will come through.

Morning did come, as it always does, and Mom was very sick. Exhaustion combined with foreign foods had gotten the best of her, and she spent the morning (5 am - 10 am) vomiting and sleeping. I called a driver (a little desparately at this point) to come pick us up. We loaded our belongings and headed back for the Yebsabi. The entire way home, I cried. I can't exactly say why. Relief? Embarrassment? Exhaustion? Maybe all three. When we arrived back here, the staff took me and hugged me with Zane in my arms. It caused me to burst with emotion. So much tenderness and love caused the flood gates to pour. The lady at the front desk called for a nanny to come help me (for free), the manager said, "Don't worry, go sleep." It's like they knew. They definitely have a gift of ministry to families. The nanny took Zane to the playroom on the top floor, played with him and cradled him to sleep for his nap. Mom and I slept after almost 48 hours of very little sleep. I knew that I could not see my mom leave to go to the US tonight on 3 hours of sleep and be a good mother to Zane. Zane was pleasant and content with the nanny, but Zane was very quiet most of the day, which I interpret as fear. Zane was (and still is) confused and a little traumatized over mama melting down in day 2 of us being together full time, and his environment has changed too much in the past 6 months. He's scared sometimes. As I write this, I'm praying over him as he sleeps in his crib. He yells out "NAY! NAY!" (His way of saying NO! NO!) and whimpers through the night. I think he has bad dreams, and I know Satan has a lot of material to work with from his past. Instead of crying, I begin to pray whispering, "Lord, comfort him now in his dreams. Speak words of peace over him. Surround him with your angels who sing songs of love to him. Jesus be a visible friend to him as he sleeps, and as always, be his Father, the Father who has ALWAYS been there for him." I know the Lord will do this. He has already said he does this in his word. But the word says that speaking the name of Jesus causes demons to shutter. I want Zane to know he can always call upon the name of the Lord and He will be saved from any fear.

Mom left tonight feeling a little better, but very exhausted from sickness. We were both a little sad at the same time to say goodbye. Mom has grown so attached to Zane and he to her. She bravely boarded the van without crying, and said goodbye with strength, as she always does even though she's sobbing inside. Zane watched the van roll away and he put his thumb in his mouth to comfort himself. This is yet one more adjustment Zane is having to make, and an opportunity to learn that family always comes back. He will gradually realize that goodbyes are not forever.

The past two days clearly have not been easy. But as I reflected this evening on the Lord's work, I realized God had actually given me a great gift. Time and distance has made it difficult to spend quality time with beloved family members the past 8 years. My mom and I, who have always been very similar and very close do not get the opportunities to go shopping, have lunch, go to a movie, or just hang out like we used to. Visits are packed with people to see, events to attend, and errands to run. The experience we had together, although tough, reminded me what I love about my mom. She is strong, supportive, and confident, yet she can cry with me, feel my pain, and comfort me like no one else. She is smart, respectful of boundaries, and the most giving person I know. She wants me to get sleep, even though she spent the morning vomiting. She wants me to be reminded that I'm a good mother, even though I know she needed the affirmation as well. She's helpful, considerate, and always putting others first. Zane has the best Mimi in the world, and I have the best Mom. The Lord knew we needed this time together, the three of us, and I am so grateful.

Praise the Lord, we are back on track this evening with a good dinner, rest, and baths. I made the right decision to return to the Yebsabi and settle here with Zane. I know the staff here will love him, they will provide help to me, and I can focus on being a new mother to a very sweet boy who needs a mommy very badly.

Day 29 - The Past Two Days With Zane

2011-08-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

We picked up Zane from the transition home. We will have to return eventually to get all of his medical records, but he is staying with us, which is GREAT! First order of business was to get a bath; however, his nap was cut short because we went out to lunch with the group. We decided to delay the bath a little while and let him chill (I use that word lightly) with some friends that are at the guest house this week. One of Zane's best friends from the transition home is with his parents finally, and they had a blast at the guest house kicking around soccer balls last night and throwing them at each other. Watching toddlers fumble around with large soccer balls is very amusing. They mean to be sweet, but it just goes bad sometimes. They can't quite control their bodies yet.

Last night, as we slept I woke up to every little sound Zane made. He talks in his sleep, moans, and turns a lot. I was worried he would wake up scared, so every time I heard him I got up and checked on him. He never actually woke up during the night, and he slept until about 7 am.

Today, we woke up and packed everything to go to our new guest house. The property is nice and the house has two bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen. However, we have been chasing around a mouse all day, and I am worn out. I had a small melt down in the kitchen because this is all a little overwhelming. I now know why we give dinners to families who have recently had a baby. Moving location on the second day you have a toddler, and trying to use a butane stove completely overwhelmed me. I feel like it's difficult to play with him, chase the mouse, and cook dinner all at the same time, especially knowing my mom is leaving tomorrow.

I'm going to bed. I'm going to try to sleep as well as possible, wake up refreshed, and re-evaluate the situation. Currently, I'm missing the meals, friendly staff, and AWAA families at the Yebsabi.

I'd appreciate your prayers!
Goodnight. :)

Day 27 - He's Officially Ours!

2011-08-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

The first day we met

The day he officially became ours! 8/3/11

Already negotiating deals like Daddy

Walking all by himself!

His face after he slid down the slide for the first time.

Sticker Mania!

Sweet Boy.

Model in the making....

I love walking!!

Tongue discovery day.

Family Portrait

The first time he fell asleep in my lap

Family picnic?

Wooha! (Water!)

I am amazed, humbled, and completely in awe of God's sovereignty over processes, leaders, governments, and the entire world. This afternoon, we were told that Zane Addisu is officially our son! Our letter came this morning, and the paperwork was given to the judge for her approval.

This event is inexplicable without considering the Lord's power and grace over all earthly things. Yesterday MOWCYA was on July 4th letters, and this morning, our letter from a July 13th court date was written. This is impossible without God answering the prayers of hundreds of you who have been praying for us. So many of you emailed us with specific prayers you were praying for us. One prayer that many of you have prayed is that God would put Zane's paperwork on the top of the stack at MOWCYA this morning. We know that is exactly what he did. We're amazed and humbled that God has given us favor with the people here and with Addisu's case.

My fear is that in my humanity over time I will begin to rationalize the way this event has worked out, and somehow think it was chance or Addisu just had very good paperwork that was easy to review, or that it was an accident. Our hearts are so prone to wander from the Lord. I want to make this blog a "memorial stone", so that I will remember this day, God's apparent work in our lives, and the way He blessed us. One hymn comes to mind when I think of the events of today. "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

Come, thou Fount of every blessing, 
 tune my heart to sing thy grace; 
 streams of mercy, never ceasing, 
 call for songs of loudest praise. 
 Teach me some melodious sonnet, 
 sung by flaming tongues above. 
 Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, 
 mount of thy redeeming love. 

        Here I raise mine Ebenezer; 
 hither by thy help I'm come; 
 and I hope, by thy good pleasure, 
 safely to arrive at home. 
 Jesus sought me when a stranger, 
 wandering from the fold of God; 
 he, to rescue me from danger, 
 interposed his precious blood. 

 O to grace how great a debtor 
 daily I'm constrained to be! 
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
 bind my wandering heart to thee. 
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
 prone to leave the God I love; 
 here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
 seal it for thy courts above.

For so long, I had no idea what an Ebenezer was! And why should I raise it for that matter? A few years ago a friend from church was leading youth worship at camp. She explained the Ebenezer so well, and it has stuck with me ever since. Basically Ebenezer comes from a Hebrew word that means, "stone of help". An Ebenezer is simply a monumental stone set up to signify the great help that God granted to the Israelites in 1 Samuel 7. The prophet Samuel and the Israelites found themselves under attack by the Philistines. Fearing for their lives, the Israelites begged Samuel to pray for them in their battle. Samuel offered a sacrifice to God and prayed for His protection. God listened to Samuel, causing the Philistines to lose the battle and retreat back to their own territory. After the Israelite victory, the Bible records: “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us’ ” (1 Samuel 7:12). In the song, all sing to acknowledge God’s bountiful blessings and help in their lives.

So today, I raise my Ebenezer and say, "Thus far the Lord has helped us."

Days 25 & 26 - Highs and Lows of Adoption

2011-08-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had since I've been here. Mom and I had an awesome day with Zane. He's continually more affectionate and comfortable with us. Yesterday, I showed him a new video that Daddy sent by email, and he leaned over and kissed the screen, not once but 3 or 4 times. He continues to say Daddy a lot, and I think he understands who Daddy is. Each time we watch Daddy on the iPAD though, he wonders where Daddy is hiding, and he ends up fussy and frustrated. So, we take a walk. Only, we usually run into a soccer ball or a football somewhere along the way, and Zane says, "Daddy!" again. I'm so glad he loves his Daddy so much, but we both wish Daddy was here.

Last night, mom and I went with some friends to a traditional Ethiopian dinner. It was at the same place Mark and I went to when he was here. Only this time, we had three Ethiopian children, 15 months, 4 years, and 7 years old that made our time so much more exciting! The 15 month old clapped almost the entire time to the rhythms of the music, and the other two danced their hearts out. They tried to mimic every move the dancers made, even catching the attention of the dancers several times. They were asked to come on stage and perform with the dancers, and they did so with complete abandonment. It was AWESOME! The music was winding down and the dancers were about to leave the stage, when one of the dancers asked me to go on stage....again. I had to go up twice last time Mark and I were there, and I almost thought I was off the hook until the best dancer on the stage asked me to go up there and mimic his moves. Oh my goodness. I was (and still am) so EMBARRASSED! This white girl cannot move like these professional Ethiopian dancers can, let's just say that.

After a late night, Mom and I woke up sleepy, but we enjoyed our morning with Zane. He was as sweet as ever and enjoyed watching the rain on the covered porch. We read books and visited with other children that were there with us. Like clockwork, at about 11:55, Zane fell asleep (while eating) in my arms. This has become our daily routine, and I enjoy it so much. At 12:30, I handed him over to the nanny to be put in bed, and Mom and I went to Metro Pizza with the other families here. In the afternoon, we went back to spend more time with Zane, and watch the Rowell's pick up their little boy, Muse' from the toddler room where Zane lives. Muse' and Zane are good friends, so it was good to see him with his family.

As we arrived back at the Guest House tonight, I hurried to check my email to see the updates from AWAA on the MOWCYA letters. The email I received informed families waiting for court that MOWCYA was working on July 4th court appointments today and that it did not look like they would get much further than that by the end of the week. I don't know what to feel about this. On one hand, I'm miserable, depressed, and so sad at the prospect that I may either be here without Mark for another 3 months or have to leave Zane and not see him for 2 months. On the other hand, I know that God could put that letter at the top of the stack tomorrow and we would pass court this week. I have no idea how to prepare for the future right now, and I'm pleading with the Lord to let me have custody of Zane this week. Please pray for me as I wait the and watch for the Lord to show me the best path right now. Pray that I would have peace and clarity about the decision I may have to make about staying here or returning home. Any insights would be much appreciated.

Day 23 - Addis Ababa Retirement?

2011-07-31T11:12:00.000-07:00

Church this morning was fantastic again. I absolutely love worshiping God there. His presence is evident because I sense His spirit moving there among the people. Today, my favorite song leader lead us in worship. She is the one who led us the first week we were here with Hillsong worship songs. I absolutely love the beautiful lyrics Hillsong worship team writes about the Lord. They help me articulate so much that I want to say to Him. Every week in this sermons series the pastor is on, a member of the congregation gets up and shares their testimony of how they re-connected with God during difficult times. This week the sermon was on Re-connecting with God by Demolishing Strongholds. A guy from California, who now lives with his wife and son in Addis, shared his testimony about how God delivered him from drugs and a life of promiscuity. At age 13, he was arrested for selling drugs at school, and his life had spiraled down from there until God revealed Himself to him when he was 21 and reading the bible only to prove its irrelevance and inconceivability. Shortly afterward, God allowed him to meet a woman that He had protected from much of the evil in the world. This woman was the young lady leading worship this morning. What a blessing he has received in her. Now they serve in Ethiopia teaching people about the value of life, God's love, and His grace.

After church, Mom and I went to Lime Tree by ourselves. It is above the spa we visited the other day. It's a very "whole food" type restaurant with fresh juices, sandwiches, baked items, and some dinner-type dishes. We got curry chicken and vegetables with white rice, ate half of it, and saved room for the vanilla and chocolate marble cake in the window at the cash register. We were only able to eat half of the cake, but it was delicious. The icing was like cream cheese with a little bit of sugar...not too sweet. The machiattos we had combined perfectly with the cake that satisfied our craving. One of the cool things about Lime Tree is that it is attached to an Ethiopian book store. It's kind of like a tourist book shop with history books on Ethiopia, regular fiction and non-fiction best-sellers like you'd see in America, and children's books with English and Amharic translations. Mom and I were thrilled to pick up several books for Zane that I know he will appreciate having so much when he is older. One teaches household Amharic words by taking an adopted Ethiopian boy through his new house. The other one teaches the Ethiopian legend of the origins of coffee, another is a book on Harar, Zane's home region, and another is a general Ethiopian history book in pictures. The last item we purchased Zane will be able to enjoy now, a CD of Ethiopian children's songs in Amharic! We have not seen anything else like these books as we've been shopping, so we were delighted to stumble upon them today.

By the way, all of these books cost us $28.35 USD!

After our great finds, we headed to the transition home where we saw Zane for a couple of hours this afternoon. He was excited to get outside and walk again today; however, today he was Mr. Independent! He walked several times all by himself, without hesitation, straight into my arms with the biggest, most proud smile you can imagine. He was really into the car and truck again that Mimi gave him. We rolled it to each other over and over again. He's getting so much more coordinated with everything he does. It's amazing how much progress he's made physically since we've been here. With Mark and I, Zane learned how to walk up and down stairs (with support) throw, "catch", and kick a soccer ball. With Mom and I, he's learned to roll the cars, balance on the curb (with support), slide down the slide in the playground, and climb playground equipment. It's really awesome to watch him develop so quickly. He absolutely loves praise, and he's great at getting it from all of us!

Today he wanted to feed himself with the spoon and the dinner they brought out was soupy pasta stars. Remember the pasta stars comments? Zane usually hates pasta stars! Not today. He would NOT eat them when I tried to feed them, but he ate almost the entire bowl when I allowed him to feed himself. Ha! (I shouldn't say that he almost ate the entire bowl because about 1/4 of the bowl ended up in my lap, as Zane would put the spoon in his mouth sideways, upside down, and every which way.) It was neat to see him try to do it on his own, but I hope he still wants his mommy to feed him sometimes!

Tonight we just walked about 10 minutes to Kaldi's Coffee down a street much like Bourbon Street in New Orleans; however we didn't see anything inappropriate, if you know what I mean. I feel like such a "big girl" venturing out on my own. There were people everywhere, and so many kind "Allo's" and "Hi's". There is a Kaldi's on almost every corner of Addis, just like Starbucks, but this Kaldi's is a two story with a full glass window facade and it's packed with people. Unlike Starbucks, Kaldi's offers outstanding Carmel Machiattos for about $0.88, Machiattos for $0.70, and scoops of icecream for about $0.50. I could spend the rest of my days hanging out at Kaldi's with my two favorite food groups: coffee and icecream. Mom had chocolate icecream made with real cocoa powder, and I had kiwi icecream! Not to mention our terrific Ethiopian coffee! Between cheap coffee, icecream, food, and books Addis Ababa may not be a bad place to retire!

On the walk home, a guy about my age said, "Jesus loves you" sort of passively as we walked by him. I turned around, smiled, and said, "Jesus loves you too." He replied, "You know that?" to which I said, "Yes! Of course!" Louder now he smiled and said, "Bless God!" I love the encouragement we both received in that moment from the Lord, just knowing that we weren't alone in the world. We both know the risen Savior! It was a perfect ending to a wonderful day.

Day 23 - Ben

2011-07-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

This morning, we were surprised to learn that we'd be going to the transition home! Usually we go to the TH in the afternoon on Sat. and we are only allowed one visit. The Pfeifers came in this morning to pick up their little girl, so we got to go early!

Praise music poured out of the school room when we arrived. The sound of African Children's voices singing songs like "Blessed Be the Name" by Matt Redman, and "Sing, Sing, Sing" by Chris Tomlin was so refreshing. A tall, young Ethiopian walked out of the school room wearing a brown t-shirt with a large golden print of Africa in the middle. Across it read a bible verse that I can't remember for the life of me, but I remember thinking, "He is a Christian." He sat down and asked about Zane. I told him where we were in the process, and I explained that we're waiting on a letter. It seemed like he understood, but he had more to say. He then explained that he was given to an orphanage 40 km outside of Addis when his mom died at 8 years old. He told us he graduated from University and was teaching music to orphans now. He was so proud to share his story. I could tell that he that his pain was being used for God's glory.

Difficult times in our lives can seem hopeless. I can't imagine the hopelessness he must have felt when his father told him, "I cannot take care of you anymore. Your mom is gone, and I cannot feed you." I wonder how an 8 year old processes such drastic change and the realization of abandonment. Likewise, it's hard to imagine the pain of his father and the hopelessness he felt knowing that he can't even provide for his children. What a seemingly impossible situation.

Ben, my new friend in the Lord, has experienced redemption. Often we think of redemption as one moment in our lives where we receive God's grace and decide to give our lives to him, and it is definitely that. But it is so much more. God's redemption is eternal, constant, and it never returns void. Every situation in our life is redeemed when we surrender it to the Lord. The painful moment in Ben's life is a season that could have been wasted; a moment that could have forever been marked by loss, tormenting memories, depression, and growing bitterness. If Ben hadn't trusted the Lord with his life, he may have turned out a very different man. Praise God that Ben realizes that God does not leave us as orphans, He comes to us, rescues us, and makes every parts of our lives reflect His glory.

I think we all have a choice in this life to do as Ben has done or turn inwardly self-centered and angry with the hand we've been dealt. The truth is that Satan is having his way in our lives if we do the latter. The Great Redeemer waits to make all things good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He longs to restore what Satan took from you and more. Ben is experiencing the glory that God reveals when He is allowed to restore loss in our lives.

I pray for Zane to understand God more than he understands his circumstances. No one, by looking at their past, can resolve the question "why?" I pray that Zane so personally knows God's redemption that his past becomes a story used for God's glory. More than that, I pray his commitment and love for Jesus would pile more blessings upon him than he could ever think possible. Though their be pain in life, I pray for the supernatural joy that come from Christ to permeate his entire being.

Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Day 22 - Belly Laughs

2011-07-29T08:39:00.001-07:00

Mom and I went to the transition home this morning at about 9:30 with two other families here picking up their children to go home forever. It was great to see one of Zane's friends reunited with his parents after a long wait between their first court appointment in January and their embassy trip this week.

Zane eyed me through the window when I arrived this morning and reached for me. The nanny quickly changed him and brought him outside. He was calm and cuddly and stared at his friend as he sat with his new parents. Then, I brought out the new toys. Mom brought cars, trucks, books, and balls for Zane to play with here, and I've been trying to bring one or two to him at a time. I let him get tired of them, then bring new ones when he's ready for something different. Today it was the Monster Truck and Hot Wheels car. I thought he would be interested in looking at them and holding them for a while, then take off to go walking as usual. But he immediately sat on the porch and started rolling them. We played for a while rolling the cars back-and-forth, as Mom directed them to go the right direction (thanks Mom!). Each time Zane rolled it or caught it, I yelled, "YEA!" and his face lit up with a beautiful smile. This went on for a while, then Zane decided to stand up, walk around the back of a chair, using it for support, smile at his friends, and walk proudly by himself back over to me. I grabbed him and squeezed him so tight, and he grinned one of those open-mouthed, toothy grins that grabs my heart. Zane did the same thing about three more times throughout the morning, and each time I squeezed him and showed him how proud I was of him. It made him so happy to make his mama proud!

One of the books Mom brought for Zane is a cars book that makes noises when you press the buttons. Zane learned yesterday that if he presses a certain button, the music that plays has a catchy rhythm that makes him want to move. He pressed it about 15 times in a row today and moved his upper body back and forth to dance to the rhythm. Each time he did it, I mimicked him and stopped when the music stopped. He would start it up again, and I danced automatically. He thought it was so funny that the toothy grin came back out and I couldn't help but kiss him 1,000 times on his sweet cheeks! Mom caught some of it on video, so I'm super glad to have "Zane and my first dance" recorded!

Zane continues to be more and more comfortable with "Mimi", my mom. He went to her three or four times today and gave her hugs. She melted with delight. He's such a sweet boy.

Just before lunch, Zane and I were alone together on the porch. He threw his car down, and I set him on his feet to get it. When I put him down, he immediately got into his fastest moving stance (the crawl) and took off for the stairs. I grabbed him and swung him upward just as he grabbed the car in his hand. He thought it was hilarious! He laughed so hard! So since he thought it was a big joke that he nearly tumbled down the stairs, I tilted him backward and tickled his throat. He chuckled as he threw his head backward and starred into the sky. I swung him toward me, lifted his head to my shoulder and kissed him with 100 kisses on his face, then swung him backward again. This time, I heard the first belly laugh from Zane as I tickled his throat again. We did this three or four more times before I spun around several times with him next to my chest. His face was priceless.

This experience marks one of the first times that I felt Zane really trust me without fear. From the moment I grabbed him from his crawl to swinging him around and around, until I felt dizzy, he rested freely in my arms knowing that I would not let him fall. For both of us, it was unrestricted, thrilling fun! Of course, I wasn't the one being swung around in the air, but I delighted so much in seeing him completely enthralled with the moment, that it felt like I was experiencing the entire event with him.

Sometimes I wonder if my cautious nature, skepticism, or overanalyzation of events causes me to miss out on the delight God has for me in this life. I imagine there have been many times that God wanted me to release my head, lay back in his arms, and look up at the sky in complete abandonment as Zane did. I'm sure He has longed for me to trust him to pick me up and rescue me from tumbling. He knows the thrilling moment with Him that I refuse at times, and I know His heart breaks at my fussing and whining. If I could only see His arms surrounding me, I wonder if I'd be so careful. What am I really risking to fall completely into His plan for my life? Better yet, what am I risking to NOT let go and surrender my life into His hands?

For Zane and I, we would have lost a special memory; a moment in time that will never be repeated, and one that I will never forget. For God, there may be much more at stake. Our entire life's joy and satisfaction relies on Him. We will only know the thrilling ride of life with Jesus if we surrender our reservations and hindrances and dive in fully to the Christian life.

Psalm 90:14 says, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."

Our souls are created to glorify the Lord, to find satisfaction in Him, to experience His presence. Fear keeps us from what we were created to do. I pray that my life and my precious Zane's life will be filled with God's satisfaction and joy so that we can be glad and rejoice in Him all of our days.

Day 21 - I'm loosing count

2011-07-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

Today is either day 20 or 21. I'm starting to loose track of time. I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway. I might start carving tally marks in the wall to keep track of the day. As long as I don't find a volleyball and name it Wilson, I think I'll be okay; although a soccer ball might have to suffice here.

Zane is so funny and curious. He watches videos Mark left on our iPad where Mark's talking to him and being silly almost every day. He stares at it and says "Daddy" over and over again. I reply, "That's Daddy!" and he just stares expressionless a little longer. I think he's totally confused. My thoughts were verified when he picked up the iPad and looked behind it for Daddy. He even tried to separate the cover from the iPad to see if Daddy was inbetween the iPad and the cover! I guess he thinks Daddy is hiding behind the screen! It's really cute to watch...and sad at the same time. I wish Mark was here so Zane could see him in person. I know Zane wishes he were here too. At least Mark can rest in the fact that his child thinks he's skinnier than an iPad. That's a compliment, right?

Today was a great day with Zane. He was in a good mood again, and mom and I enjoyed being with him. He ate pretty well when the cooks made him his favorite "cereal", but he will not eat pasta. No shape, no matter what the sauce is. I don't get it. They gave him pasta stars today. What kid doesn't like pasta stars?
I'm beginning to think we have a picky eater on our hands, and honestly, I don't know how to handle that! Neither Mark or I have ever been picky eaters! Zane has learned how to get what he wants at the transition home, and the nannies are well aware of his preferences. It's amazing how such a young person can have everyone doing his bidding. Looks like Zane's going to get a "re-boot" in America, so he can receive what he needs, not just what he wants.

Zane is a really good boy, and he shows a lot of potential developmentally and in attachment. So many children at the transition home are desperate for attention and affection. They latch on to any "mommy" that comes along, and they are indiscriminate about their attachment toward adults. This can seem really cute and lovable, but it actually shows a lack of attachment and bonding. They have not learned who is safe and who isn't, or the difference between mom and dad and a stranger. I thank the Lord that Zane seems to be VERY discriminate and VERY particular about who touches him, who holds him, etc. He will whine when mom is holding him and I step away for a minute. This may seem like he's a fussy baby, but this is the best gift he could give his mom and dad. This shows that he has bonded with us, and he knows who his parents are.

When Zane and I went to visit his old baby room today, the nannies he was with were so loving toward him. He's definitely a favorite to many of them. They hold his hands and kiss them over and over. One of the nannies said, "Na! Na!", which means, "Come!" and he didn't reach for them. He burrowed his arms in my chest and looked away. They laughed and said something in Amharic, which I interpret to be something like, "He's attaching well to mommy!" I heard "mommy" in there, and they seemed pleased.

Soon afterward, the doctor, who saw Zane this morning, saw us on the sidewalk enjoying the sunshine, and she said, "He really loves you. He cries when he comes to me! He doesn't like for me to examine him." She said it with a smile of approval, and it really blessed me for her to say this.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm being criticized by the people around me at the transition home. My self-consciousness gets the better of me and I fear that people are talking about me in Amharic sometimes. It's hard to tell with the difference in language and tone. I don't know what to make of their stares sometimes and their "firm" and "demonstrative" expressions. Today, I felt like the Lord graced me with affirmation from the people here, and I know this encouragement was from him.

Mom and I stayed at the transition home until noon and we returned to the guest house to eat lunch with Megan and Aliyea, her adopted daughter. They left this evening to return to the states. Aliyea was so excited she was kissing Mom and I and running around like crazy. I know Dustin and the boys are going to be glad when the girls get home!

We are here now with a Danish couple and her dad, Laura Unrah, her dad, and two adopted children, and another family will be arriving tonight for their embassy appointment. No one else will have court appointments before the court closures next Friday, so I see many families come in, pick up their children, and return to the states. It is wonderful to see, yet when each family leaves, I feel lonesome for them. There is something about being on the other side of the world with Christian families who love their adopted children that make you immediately bond with them. I miss all the families I've been fortunate enough to meet so much!

I appreciate your prayers, and I feel peace that God is going to clearly show us what our next steps are when it is time for us to know. Thank you for your love and support!

Day 19 - All Day at the Transition Home

2011-07-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

I have to start this entry with a major shout out to my awesome husband, Mark Brannan! It was a great surprise and the best gift I could have received to read the words he said about me. Now, if only they were true...JK

Today Mom and I spent the entire day at the transition home. We packed a lunch, ate breakfast at the guest house, and we were on our way. Zane had a rough morning, but so did we. We were all so tired. Mom is still trying to get used to the new time zone, Zane is not used to all this one-on-one attention and stimulation, and I, well, I just stayed up too late last night.

We walked around the campus with Zane, played with some toys, and took it easy this morning. At about 11:55, Zane's lunch came, and he went into a major fit; not because he didn't like it, but because he was ready to go to sleep. His nap time is 12ish, so lunch was really late today. He refused to eat and cried so hard. I tried to console him, but he was inconsolable. I gave him to his nanny to see if she could figure it out, but he cried harder. The guard walked up, took him in his arms, and he immediately stopped crying. What? Of course he couldn't stand their and rock him to sleep, so he tried to give him back to me. He wailed. I decided he needed to just lay down and go to sleep. And I did too, so well all, Mom, me, and Zane took a rest. I fell asleep on the couch, and mom read a book.

When Zane woke up, he was much better, and he drank 13 ounces of formula. He was hungry. We read a book, kicked the soccer ball, and played. He was back to himself. I did notice a croupy cough today, so Zane may be getting sick...again. Please pray for him and all of the kids. They are constantly passing around colds and other sicknesses. They need to be with their parents and away from other sick kids so they can get better.

Next week is the last week courts are open. I am hoping to pass court and take Zane out of the transition home by Friday. If we do not pass, we may have to revert to plan B. What is plan B? I don't know yet. We didn't plan for plan B! Plan B may be God's plan A, and we are open to whatever timetable he has us on.

Pray that God gives Mark and I clear direction about our next steps as a family.

Suprise Guest Post: Happy Eighth Year Anniversary!

2011-07-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

[This guest post is brought to you thanks to Cimbrey's use of the same password on just about everything for the last 8 years... Mark]

Cimbrey, it was a mere two-thousand-nine-hundred-twenty days ago that I watched the doors swing open at the back of the church in Bryan, Texas to see your radiant smile marching down the aisle. I could barely hold myself together but you didn't shed a tear. I asked you later how you made it through the ceremony with such ease, and you told me that you had been given a supernatural strength of conviction and confidence, but most importantly, you were not going to let your make-up get messed up in front of God and everybody.

We love to joke with our friends that our 8 years of marriage have been the best 6 years of our life. It's true the first 700 or so days were tough going for the two of us, but I look back at what God formed through our crisis, and I treasure the tribulations of those early days. It was your strength of character and dependence upon the Lord that lead us through the storm and towards brighter days.

Remember when you told me you wanted to move to Fort Worth, Texas and were thrilled when I got a job there? Well I remember how not thrilled you were when I called you back and said we are moving to New Orleans. But I also love how you were flexible, agreed to follow me, and through your faith you came to love the city and its people more than you ever thought possible. Even in the darkest days after Hurricane Katrina, you wanted nothing but to move back to your city. I love how you remain open to the Lord's plan for you despite your own desires.

I love the heart you have for God's children, and I am inspired by the way you lead us to adoption as plan A. I know the many people who read your blog every day see the light of Christ in you through this process, and I am grateful for your daily surrender. Zane loves his Momma, and I can't wait for the three of us to be together again.

Now, in a time where it would be easy to feel alone, you remain confident in your calling, continue to rely upon the Lord, display faithfulness in God's calling to the extent that you have grown to love Ethiopia and its people as your own, and you surrender daily despite the uncertainty that remains before us in the adoption process.

You are a remarkable woman of noble character, and I have full confidence in you. You work eagerly to care for our family and your faith makes you strong for the task. You open your arms to those in need and you do not fear uncertainty. You speak wisdom and it is easy to praise you because you fear the Lord!

After Eight years we now sit 8000 miles apart, but I have never felt closer to you!

Happy Anniversary, Cim!

Love, Mark

Since I am in Texas this week, I'll close with a country song:

Day 18 - Waiting on MOWCYA

2011-07-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

Today is day 8 of our wait for the MOWCYA letter. We were told approximately 20 business days when we went to court on July 13th. Courts will close next week, August 7, but really August 5 because they don't work on Sat. and Sun. Soooo...for those of you doing the math, we will be on day 17 of our wait on August 5th. Hmmmmm...we need a MIRACLE! I know that you are praying for us, and we feel your prayers. I appreciate so much all of the encouragement we have received on our blog and on Facebook. We ask that you continue to pray for the Ministry here in charge of writing favorable letters to the court for adoption. Pray that the would be diligent and determined to write letters for all of us who have had court dates during July. Pray that they would see a child's face, read their story and feel compassion to help them as quickly as possible. Pray that the judge would approve our case quickly and submit our paperwork to embassy so that we can get our children in the loving homes God has provided for them. Pray for me that I will be encouraged in the wait, continue to see progress with Zane, and enjoy my time with him, even at the transition home for a couple of supervised hours a day.

God is a miraculous and loving God. No matter what the timing of our adoption is, and how long or confusing it seems to me, I know that He is sovereign and good. I have to believe now more than ever that God can make a way for the seemingly impossible for His Name and His renown.

Through this process, every time I get impatient, God seems to remind me of this truth: HE is the Father of the fatherless. HE is the defender of orphans and the vulnerable. He will never leave Zane or forsake him. NOT ME. God did not say, "I will be the father of the fatherless through you." No! He's the Father, our Father, period.

"Which of you fathers, if his son asked you to give him bread, you would give him a stone instead? If a child asked you for a fish, would you give him a snake instead? Or if he asked for an egg, would you give him a scorpion? Of course not! If you then, though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" (Luke 11:10-13) I

I know God can provide for my child better than I ever could, so I have to trust that He's doing what He's promised!

Thank you again for your prayers and encouragement!

Day 17 - Mom's Here!

2011-07-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

My mom arrived in Addis Ababa late last night. We went straight to bed and woke up for church this morning. The sermon was on Re-connecting with God in a Crisis. The pastor is so great about connecting current events, personal lives, and scripture so that you can see God working, pray for the world, and apply God's word to your life. It's so encouraging to be there with people from all over the world all praising our God. The highlight of the service was the Doxology. We've sung it the past two Sundays now. The band stops playing and a chorus of voices loudly sing, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise God all creatures here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen!" The best thing is the sound of accents of people from Mozambique, Germany, America, Ethiopia, and all other places singing these words in English to God. Beautiful.

After church, mom and I went with the AWAA travel group to Island Breeze restaurant. It's one of my favorites here. Oddly enough, the quesadillas and fajitas are AWESOME! Of course, that makes this Texas girl VERY happy.

Next, mom met Zane at the transition home for the first time. It was really sweet. He didn't really understand who she was, but we kept saying, "Mimi, Mimi..." He wasn't afraid of her, and didn't shy away from her like he does with most people. Mom played with the basketball and rolled it with him, and he smiled and enjoyed it.

Zane is mimicking my voice and expressions more and more. He now initiates a "YEA!" for himself when he does something he likes! Every time mom or I rolled the ball to him and he caught it, he shouted, "YEAAAAA!" So far I don't think self-confidence will be an issue! Zane continues to be really sad when I leave. His #1 nanny was here today, and he even cried when he went to her. This was awkward for me, as I know how much she loves him. It has to be the most difficult job in the world to part with these little ones. And to do it continually breaks my heart. It's amazing how much they open their hearts to children, knowing they will have to leave one day. It makes me want to love in complete abandonment like them without protecting my heart - to love like Christ loves us, despite the fact he knows we are prone to wander from him.

Love is one of those things that can't exist as a guarded display of human emotion. It's relentless, confident, and full commitment. It is steady and sure even when emotion ceases. Somehow, perfect love loves enough to let go, trust, and forgive at the same time. I guess this is why God says, "I am love" and "perfect love drives out fear" and "greater love has no man but this, that he would lay down his life for his friends." I just don't see how love can exist apart from Him. In others we see manifestations of God's perfect love, but in our humanity, love can become jaded, co-dependent, and selfish. When we abide in Christ, our love is a renewable resource poured out onto others.

I took a picture of Zane and his caregiver today. I want him to know about this selfless love she reflects, and the way that all of the babies are given a "transitional mommy" who risks her own heartbreak to love them. I thank the Lord for her and other "mommies" around the world today who are fostering children until they can be with a forever family.

Day 16 - Alone with Zane

2011-07-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up feeling pretty rested. I met the other families downstairs for breakfast then went shopping with Debb and Jeff Marquez and Sherry Kishbaugh. I got a traditional bowl and salt/pepper shakers carved from ebony, a toy for Zane, and a beautiful painted, plaster Africa box to add to the coffee set, woven coffee separater, bag, ebony nativity, and framed Coptic cross I got last week. I hope to go back later and get a few more things when my mom is here.

We ate at Metro Pizza today (again...it's the 4th time for me) next to Kaldi's Coffee, which I love. After pizza, I picked up a Carmel Macchiato, which sort of tastes like home. Then we all drove over to the transition home. Zane was in a good mood when he woke up from his afternoon nap. He says "mama" when I come get him now and he reaches for me. We played on the playground and he loved peeking through the bars as I said, "Boo!" It's a game that never gets old. Little kids remind you how funny and sweet life is. You start to enjoy things like peek-a-boo because you see how much joy it brings to them. Zane's best friend is the master of peek-a-boo. He wants to play it almost every time I see him! We're hoping to keep the two boys in contact once we move back to the states (thanks Nichols!)

I'm realizing how simple Zane is, and I really love it. He doesn't need or want to be entertained with a lot of toys and distractions. He wants me. That's it. He loves to watch people as I hold him on my hip, and he loves to focus on one thing at a time, like a balloon that he can examine for hours. I've thought a little bit about how I tend to show love by giving him things or trying to entertain him, when all he wants is my time and affection, and I wonder if God ever sees me that way. Do I try to entertain him with my religious acts, my "obligations" of church, even my prayers when all he wants is me? I think life is a lot more simple than we make it. I'm seeing in my son the importance of decluttering life and enjoying time together. When we offer Zane a toy we brought, he refuses it and reaches for a leaf on a tree. Mark and I joked that we may have a horticulturalist in the making, but I wonder if he just enjoys the things some of us overlook? I'm challenged by Zane's ability to notice, and I'm encouraged to slow down and join him.

When I left Zane today, I nearly cried. He's devastated when I leave and crying for me now. In addition, three couples had to leave their little ones today to go home to the states. One family is bringing home their baby boy, but their precious daughter who has spent the week here with them had to leave her close Ethiopian friend behind. It's sad to see families and friends separated, especially when they have spent so much time and energy to be together. It's hard to see their kids the next day when the van of Americans pulls up, and they light up in hope that their parents' flight has been delayed and they can spend one more day with them, only to walk away in disappointment when they are not there. Heartbreaking. But for them there is hope! There's a picture of a family that will be there's. There's a dream of a house and a bedroom that they can call theirs. What about the 5-6 million others in Ethiopia who have waited so long? The ones who have given up on hope? When will it be their turn?

We have so much. Our lives revolve our jobs, our houses, our cars, our favorite tv programs, and our important social lives. Yet we complain that our job is tiresome, our house is too small, our car is too old, our DVR didn't record our show, and that we have nothing to do. Why do we complain? Because our lives are meant to be poured out for others. Gluttony is self-destruction in the worst way. We all fall victim to it, yet our world is not lacking in need. Giving ourselves for the cause of Christ's work in the world is the most fulfilling, purposeful way to live. This life isn't for select few that "measure up" to God's grace, for that would be impossible. This "wealth" is for all who will call upon the name of the Lord and be saved.

"Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?" James 2:5

Day 15 - Last Day With Daddy

2011-07-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

Today began with solemn hearts. Mark packed his bags, and I drowsily got out of bed knowing what this day would bring. We ate breakfast at the Guest House with all the families we've enjoyed spending time with so much, and headed out for the transition home. This morning, Zane was a little crabby. There was a big thunderstorm last night, and I'm assuming he didn't sleep very well. Also, I've noticed his nose is running more than usual, so he may have a cold. I encouraged Mark to hold him as much as possible today, and I stood back more to allow them time together. The morning flew by, and Zane refused to stay awake and eat his lunch. He was so fussy and rubbing his eyes so much that we let him fall asleep at 11:30 (about 30-45 minutes earlier than usual) About 12:30, we gave him to his nanny, and we headed to lunch with our group. This afternoon we split into a shopping group and a transition home group. Of course, Mark and I decided to go back to the transition home to see our precious little boy. He slept for over three hours. At 2:45, they woke him up, changed him, and let him come outside with us. He was in a better mood this afternoon. He played with Daddy, ate well, and had a pretty good afternoon (despite the looming cloud of sadness covering us because Mark was leaving. I exaggerate a little.) Mark was able to say goodbye and love on Zane as we left. He gave him to his nanny, and Zane screamed and cried more than we've ever seen. We knew it was best if we left quickly, but it was so hard to tear ourselves away from him, especially for Mark.

In this process there is no clear road, no answers, and no one telling you how much longer until you get there. The past two weeks has been an amazing time of bonding, adventure, and family building for the Brannans. We've enjoyed being in Ethiopia together, and getting to know our son and his heritage. However, it is so difficult to part ways and not know how long it will be until we see each other again. Mark is my best friend, and frankly, he makes the whole trip a lot of fun for everyone. He leaves a trail of laughter wherever he goes. Mark's jokes and good humor even surpass cultural boundaries, as our new Ethiopian friends have gotten a kick out of him the past two weeks as well. When he leaves, I feel like my personality changes too. Together, he makes the jokes, and I laugh at them! (Every single one...over and over again...) It's a perfect match! But I'm afraid I'm a little more shy without Mark's witty one-liners and quick remarks.

Ultimately, I know that God is refining both of us. He always is. We're not really living, unless we are changing. Living things are meant to grow, renew, and change over time. Spiritually, we are dead if we are not allowing Christ to change us. Time away from people you love and depend on is a great way for God to remind you of His depth of love, His presence, and His surpassing greatness. His words and His work among us are so evident when all distractions cease, and we can see His face.

This is what I pray for during this time that Mark and I are apart. Like Moses, I do not want to go anywhere if the Lord's presence does not go with me. Like him, I ask, "Lord, now show me your glory..." (Exodus 33).

Day 13-14 - Time with Zane and Entoto Mountain

2011-07-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Since we first met Zane, he has been walking only with support from nannies, us, furniture, or whatever he can use to keep his balance. On Day 8 or so, we were able to help Zane walk a few steps without support from Daddy to me and back. We knew he was close, but a little too wobbly still to walk on his own. He loves to practice though, and since he's been playing with us outside, he's been watching the older boys play soccer. He will stare at them for a long time, then get down and try to walk really fast with our support. I think he's trying to run! On Day 10, Daddy was sitting a little far from Zane and I and he randomly got up on his own and walked by himself to Daddy. It was about 4 steps. I guess you can say that those were his first steps; however, we thought maybe it was just a fluke. So we tried again. Zane wanted to hold our hands to walk the rest of the day. "Oh well," we thought, "he'll walk when he's ready." On Day 12, Zane walked from one end of the porch to the other to meet me on the other side. He definitely was walking on his own with no support this time. The nannies came to the window to watch and he did it again! All the nannies clapped and cheered for him. It was so sweet. That confirmed for me that it was the first time he had walked on his own. He will still go short distances by himself, but he likes to hold our hands most of the time still. Today we got a really good picture of him walking on his own and leaning his hand "cooly" against the wall like a stud model. It was so funny and totally not planned. I think he likes his new found freedom.

Yesterday after spending time with Zane, we went to Entoto Mountain. It's the mountain just outside of Addis Ababa that is know for the women who carry wood down to the market at the mountain's base to sell each day.

We drove to the top, and looked out over Addis Ababa. We also saw St. Mary's Church at the top and the palace of Menelik I and his wife.

It is so beautiful in the mountain. The air is cleaner and birds are everywhere. We saw several black "eagles" (according to the guide) that strongly resembled ravens (hmmm...). The palace is made of a plaster that serves as a natural cooling system for the palace. There was a separate bedroom area and living/dining area. By separate, I mean totally different huts. They have tall ceilings and ox skin covered by a thatched roof.

So apparently, Entoto and Saluta Mountains are prime locations for Ethiopian runners to train. Mark, Tim, Rob, Justin, Laura, Nikki, Arnold, and Randall thought it would be exciting to wake up at 5:30 in the morning, have Job and David pick them up, and go running up Saluta Mountain with Ethiopian runners! Wow. They're very brave. And a little crazy. Mark and Tim were very proud that they were ahead of Ethiopian runners for approximately 20 yards (not to mention, Mark and Tim started 30 minutes before them)!

Day 12 - Korah

2011-07-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have heard of the Korah dump in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. If you haven't, please watch this video on YouTube that shows a glimpse of life in this small village in Addis. It is a short documentary of the people who live in and around the dump.

In 2008, a family named the Shannons adopted their youngest little girl from Ethiopia. They felt God's call to come to Ethiopia and begin a church a short time after returning home. They were obedient to God and moved their family of 6 to Addis Ababa. Their hearts began to specifically ache for the poor of Addis. God put it in their hearts to minister to Korah, the region of Addis shown in the video above. What they realized through their adoption of their daughter is that adoption is not a solution to the problem of poverty and orphaned children. It is necessary and good that God puts children into families that can take care of them; however, there must be a way to keep children with their birth mothers, and help them become healthy productive adults.

They had an idea to reach out to moms barely making ends meet, and the Embracing Hope Ethiopia Day Care was born. Mothers from Korah and surrounding areas in Addis (mostly single mothers) bring their children to a free day care with high protein meals, basic education, and medical care. Moms then can work at a regular job in the city and pick their children up after work. The Shannons and their staff empower the moms to make a living that will meet the needs of their family whether it is through their daily job, or creating their own business. Mothers sew traditional clothing, make baskets, and other crafts to sell to raise money for the Day Care. When mothers would usually be paid 2.5 birr for sewing a day, the Day Care will pay them more, and then sell the items in the U.S. to raise awareness and support. Each child at the Day Care is sponsored through a sponsorship program, and this provides them with high protein meals (like the peanut butter on bread that we saw them eating for breakfast this morning), healthcare and hygiene education, business classes for the moms, and other great resources.

Four families staying here with us this week woke up at 6:00 am to get ready for our trip to the Day Care. We arrived at about 7:30 or shortly after, and we were greeted by the Shannons and their children and a team from South Africa with Global Challenge Expeditions. The team has traveled through about 8 countries in Africa so far working with children, the poor, and interceding on behalf of the country. They are leaving Ethiopia in a couple of weeks to go to Kenya, then Tanzania, Mozambique, then back to South Africa. They are pouring out their lives, as the Shannons are to see the truth of the Gospel of Jesus fleshed out. They are demonstrating what it really means to love God by loving their "brothers".

It occured to me when I was at the Day Care this morning that had something like this existed for Zane's mother, he might still be with her. It's hard to say how I feel about that. I love Zane and want him to come home to us so badly. He's our firstborn son, our pride, and our joy. But, I'm sad for his birthmother sometimes. Life is complicated, and only God knows what's best. In a perfect world, every child would be nurtured by his birthmother, and live a long, healthy, happy life with his birth family. There would be no poverty, illness, pain, abuse, addiction, and vices that leave children orphaned and alone. Maybe that is why God said, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you..." and "I will never leave you or foresake you..." and "How can a mother forget the baby at her breast? Though she may forget, I will never forget you. I will never leave you."

I guess in some way, God shows us who He is through our pain. If we never had difficulty, would we need Him? Would we know Him? Would we see His glory revealed to us?

Adoption is a bittersweet concept, like many things in our lives. Through someone's pain, another finds joy. We don't find joy in Zane's birthmother's pain, but we find joy in the hope of a child. Zane's name means, "God is Gracious." Grace is the "free and unmerited favor of God, His goodwill toward sinners, His kindness." His birthmother gave him a name that means "The New One". We believe that because of God's kindness and love toward Zane, our son has been given a new beginning. This is the concept of redemption. God's unmerited favor on us, and his ability to make all things new, has given us the opportunity to receive forgiveness, love, and power through His Holy Spirit. We pray that one day Zane will choose to bind himself to the God who has redeemed him in a physical and spiritual sense. Only then will Zane know the ultimate adoption - the adoption God has offered for those of us who are willing to be grafted into His family.

I held Zane as he fell asleep in my arms today at naptime. He was warm despite the chilly rain outside, well-fed with barley and rice cereal, his face was peaceful as he stared into my eyes. His body released as he floated into a deep sleep, and I thought, "this is the sweetest boy, and I am the luckiest Mama in the world." Somehow, someway "God works together all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."

"'Though the mountains be shaken, and the hills be removed, His unfailing love for us will never be shaken, nor his covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

***Please visit http://www.embracinghopeethiopia.com/our-vision/ to get more information about the Day Care in Korah and how you can sponsor a child!

Days 10-11

2011-07-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, day 10, began with another great service at the International Church. We had two vans of families to ride to church with this week. The sermon was on reconnecting with God during the valleys of life. I listened closely, as a potential valley is on the horizon. When Mark leaves, it will be difficult, but I know that God gives us times alone so He can show us His glory. The pastor reminded me that we are never alone. God is with us, fighting for us, we need only to be still. There comes a point in every path God walks you down where you realize you have no control. It is there that God is able to show you how He is incredibly glorious and worthy of praise. Mark and I can do nothing to make our letter appear in court, but God is working all people and situations together for our good because We love Him.

Yesterday, our time with Zane was one of the best. He laughed the entire time. We have some great pictures and videos that we can't wait to post. He's such a happy boy. I think Zane really started to bond with Daddy yesterday. Afterall, Dad is way fun! He said Daddy a lot and he wanted to play with Daddy. He seemed to be feeling good and he had a lot of energy. Mark taught him how to play the Aggie band beats on an old washbin. He loved it! Texas Aggie class of 2027ish here we come! I pray that the joy of the Lord fills Him continually and that He knows Jesus in a very real way from an early age. I pray that God's truth overshadows any lies that He could believe about his life, and that God gives him a grateful heart.

Today, day 11, we went to the transition home in the morning and visited Zane and then went to the orphanages again. Zane was fun and sweet again today, but being out of his normal routine and making him eat outside has caused him to be a little squirmy and uninterested in eating. Zane apparently does not like anything with pasta. Why you ask? Good question. What's not to like about pasta? He also will not eat mashed bananas. We'll have to work on that more when we get home. He may like them firm and not mashed. He cried pretty hard when we left. It's getting to where he doesn't want to go to the nannies. Good for me, but hard for him and hard for me to leave him.

We went to Abenezer Orphanage and experienced another coffee ceremony with popcorn and these fantastic roasted wheat seeds. The process is so interesting to watch! I got a coffee pot so that I can teach Zane how to do it someday.

Mynlittle friend from our last visit was there again. He's a precious, polite little boy about 9years Old. Marks favorite is a little girl about 13. They ares both great at soccer and so sweet! I really want to keep up with them. I have to know what happens to them. While I'm here, I will go visit them if I can.

We about to eat dinner with travel group number 2! It's a fun group from all over the US. we hope to stay in touch as much as we can when we get home.

Praying for MOWCYA to urgently write all of our letters this week!

Day 9 - Laid back afternoon

2011-07-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

This morning two families got to take their children from the transition home forever; the Dreyfes's, and the Burke's. They arrived a the guest house with their children, and they decided to shower, and hang around the hotel. The rest of us Autry's, Snyder's, and Brannan's went to lunch with Yonas and David. Then we all went to the transition home. The Mason's met us at the transition home and the Autry's and Mason's were able to meet their kids for this first time today. It's so cool to see that. The Autry's are adopting a sibling group of 4. They are a lot of fun! The Mason's are adopting a baby boy.

AWAA Transition Home

Zane wanted to chill a little bit more than usual today. We walked around the grounds, and Daddy let him see the men unloading Wooha (water) from the truck. He was very interested in the process of taking water bottles out and putting empty water bottles in. Then we pretty much stayed on the porch the rest of the time. He looked at some books with cars, trucks, planes, and boats, played a little with plastic baby toys, but mostly wanted to cuddle. Mark left for a few minutes to go talk to some of the staff, and Zane said "Daddy" and "Ababa" the entire time. When Mark returned, he stopped. I think he knows what it means. He wasn't much into saying "Mama" today, but he wanted me to hold him a lot. He's got a little ear infection, so we would appreciate your prayers about that. That is probably why he is a little cranky and just wanting to lay low.

When we left today, Zane went to the window with the other kids, smiled, and waved goodbye again. He was a little clingy when I dropped him off, but his friends are WAY too exciting to be sad for long!

We will get to meet the Marquez family and one other family coming in tonight. It's a full house here at the Yesabi again!

We go to the International Church again tomorrow. I CAN'T WAIT! It is such a great church, and it is such a cool picture of what heaven will be like with all people singing praises to God.

It's almost dinner time here, so I gotta run. Have a great day in the states!

Day 8 - First Signs of Attachment

2011-07-16T00:31:00.000-07:00

We went to the transition home on Friday morning with Jenny Burke, who is picking up her daughter forever! YEA! Jenny took some pictures for us during her court trip, so it is awesome to get to meet her!

Zane, Mark, and I played together and Zane learned that he can look at the guard and the pharmacist errand-runner over the railing. He thought it was so funny to have Daddy on the other side of the railing peeking at him. It's the small things that delight a child! Zane is very happy with any type of interactive play. He loves to move and be involved with us doing something. At the same time, he loves to discover something and figure it out independently. We walked over to the playground and he found an old formula can in the dirt. He picked it up, put his hand in it, and Mark tried to teach him the word, "empty". Then Mark turned it over and showed him how to play on it like a drum. Zane liked this and he tried to make rhythms on it for about an hour. His nanny saw us and brought out a toy piano (the old kind with the colored keys that ding a bell inside). The paint had been chipped off the metal plates, but it still rang like it should. So, the Brannans formed an impromptu band in the middle of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Zane played the drums, Mama played the piano, and Daddy pretended to play a trumpet through a small plastic piece found on the ground. What was the first song we taught Zane? The Mardi Gras Second Line song, of course!!! Ha! We were laughing so hard that this is the song that came to mind first!

After playing, Zane ate a snack - his favorite, oatmeal. It's full of cinnamon and sugar I think. When I've been feeding him, I've been trying to get him to make eye-contact with me. I raise the spoon in the air, say his name, and he looks in my eyes. This is good for attachment and bonding because he realizes I will take care of his needs. Friday, I got him to look in my eyes almost every time he took a bite. It was great. I think he's understanding that I am his mama. He attempts to say Mama and Daddy; however, he uses them interchangably with us, so I'm not totally sure if he understands what that means. We try to use Amharic to explain who we are. I think the staff here likes that we are trying to learn Amharic and use it with him. In Amharic, Father is Ababa and Dad is Ebaye. Mama is emaye. The nannies try to use English with them some, so Mama and Daddy are used as well. I think he's starting to get it.

Zane is on a great schedule. As soon as he finished eating, he started to fall asleep. His eyes started to close, so I tried to make him comfortable. Before he was fully asleep, our guides and driver said it was time to go, so I had to hand him over to his nanny. He screamed and cried and reached out for me. It was so hard to walk away, but the fact that he was wanting to stay with me was a great sign that he is attaching to me. It was good to see.

After spending time with Zane, we went to the Post Office area to shop for Ethiopian souveniers and gifts. We plan to give Zane these gifts as he gets older to keep him informed of his culture. We then went to look at the place I will be moving to when I'm able to take Zane from the transition home. It is a nice spacious place on the southwest side of the city. I felt very comfortable there, and I know it will be a good place to stay until the embassy clears our case.

We are still praying for MOWCYA to expedite letters at a quick rate, and for the embassy to find no need to futher investigate our case. Please continue to pray with us. We'll update you on the legal stuff as soon as we find out!

Day 7 - Coffee!

2011-07-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today we visited the coffee factory here in Addis. It was amazing, and it's such a beautiful building! The women sorting coffee beans were beautifully ornamented in colorful scarves. They picked out "bad" beans and put them in a bucket. The bucket then went to a group of women sorting beans for local coffee and they would find "salvageable" beans to serve locally. Nothing was wasted.

Next, we went to the best coffee shop in Addis, according to Yonas. It makes its own coffee, roasts it, and serves it in the shop, so he thinks its the most authentic I think. Kaldi's is a popular coffee shop here (like Starbucks) but they don't roast their own beans. They get it from Tomaca??? I think that's the name of the shop we were at!!! Yonas and David laugh at me because I can't remember anything in Amharic. They've taught me to say "thank you" a thousand times, and I still can't remember it 10 minutes later.

This afternoon, we went to the transition home. Zane was in a great mood again, and we enjoyed playing with him. He absolutely loves the formula they give him. He's a little picky about real food. It's funny. Thankfully, he loves mashed potatoes! Okay. He can live in the south.

Tonight our travel group went to the airport to fly home. We're so sad. They were the best group we could have asked for. We were all the same age, and very similar in personalities. We'll definitely keep up at home.

The next travel group comes Saturday. I know two girls in the group, so I'm excited to see them. Hope we have as much fun as we did with the last travel group!

Day 6 - Court!

2011-07-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

This morning we left for court at 9:00 am. We arrived at 9:30, and by 10:30 we were done! That's amazing time for Ethiopian court! We entered a small room with the judge who was sitting behind a desk. She asked us a series of questions about our commitment, our knowledge of Ethiopia, etc. We said yes to all questions and she informed us that the Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs had not given her our letter yet. This was expected, as we had been informed that the ministry was about 20 days behind on Monday. We are praying that they will expedite letters in large numbers for all families because courts close in mid-late August for the rainy season. Please pray with us that we will be approved by the court as soon as possible. Pray that all obstacles would be removed for the employees of the ministry, and that our children would be able to come home quickly.

After court we spent time with Zane for about an hour before heading to lunch. He had a great morning. We learned what a chinese yo-yo is and he was able to operate it pretty well by the end of the hour. We also blew bubbles, and played with the ball he loves so much. Zane loves anything sports we've noticed. He wants to watch the older boys play soccer, and then he'll whine to get down and attempt to run with us holding his hands. It's funny. He wants to play so badly. He also loves to play with anything that makes noises. It's facinating to him.

After lunch, Zane was waking up from a nap. He loves to walk around the grounds when he's first woken up. He does not want to play, cuddle, or anything. He's a little grumpy like his mama. Once he's had time to wake up, he likes to play with something on our blanket, like a book or the ball. Then he gets pretty wound up. He wants to practice walking. Today, Daddy held his hands while he climbed down the stairs, around the banister, and back up the stairs to me. Midway, I would peer over the railing and surprise him with "Boo" and a tickle. He thought it was hilarious!!!! He wanted to do it over and over. Mark tried to change it up a bit ( I think he was getting bored with going in circles) and Zane refused. He wanted to do it the same way each time, and he laughed every time as if it were the first. He was very cute today.

As we were leaving, we took Zane back to the toddler room. It has a big window that opens to the porch. All the little ones gathered at the window as Mark pretended to hit them on the head with the chinese yo-yo through the glass. They were cracking up so much they would fall to the floor. Zane joined them, and he had the biggest smile we had ever seen. Zane and his two best friends, one a girl and another a boy from the same region stood at the glass and said "bye-bye" in English as we left. It was the first words we had ever heard Zane say in English. What a moment. I wish we could capture these impromptu moments on camera, but by the time the camera's out, they are over. We hope to keep up with Zane's friend (the boy) in the states when we return because his family is our friend on facebook! The kids are like family, and they light up when they see each other.

In light of the happy times that Zane has had with these sweet children, the love of his nannies, and the tenderness he receives from all employees of the transition home, Mark and I feel very much at peace with not passing court today. We know that God is Sovereign and Good. He does what is best. We feel that Zane's transition would be difficult, sad, and harmful to him if we had passed court today and took him from the transition home. He would grieve so much the loss of his friends and "family" there. He knows us now, but not well enough for us to take him away yet. He needs time, and we believe God has shown us that in the past few days. We will continue to see him every day as we have been doing the past 5 days. When Mark leaves on July 22nd, I will continue to go to the transition home every day and bond with him. By the time we pass court, we hope that he trusts me enough to come with me without too much heart break. Please pray for him. He is a sensitive, emotional little guy. He needs God's peace, His grace, and His joy as he enters this new life.

We appreciate your prayers so much!

Days 4-5

2011-07-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to the transition home twice; two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon. Zane was very cheery yesterday. He loved playing with a ball we brought that lights up, and we taught him how to throw and catch. Clearly, he had never been taught to throw, as he wanted to hand the ball to us each time. But we kept modeling throws, and he finally had the courage to let go and let us catch it in the air. He cracked up! He thought it was hilarious. He had a great time playing catch most of the day. We also introduced him to bubbles. He's a little unsure about them, but when I waved my arms to try to pop them, he did the same thing. He's constantly learning, and it's awesome to watch. He still enjoys the Tow Mater book we brought him. He mostly loves pushing the buttons and hearing the sounds. He could careless about what the book says. Right before we left yesterday, we had a doctor's appointment with Zane at the transition home. The doctor went over his history. He is a very healthy boy, and we are so thankful. Unfortunately, the appointment fell during nap time, and when he was awakened by the doctor, he cried so terribly hard I almost started crying. He couldn't even breathe. It was painful to watch. Shortly after the appointment, we had to leave, so it was a difficult goodbye. We received a video from an America World employee with an interview of Zane's birthmother. That evening, we watched it with heavy hearts. We plan to show it to Zane when he is older, and we will let him decide if he wants to share his story or not at that time.

Today we went to the transition home in the morning, and we went to see Zane's orphanage, Abenezer and KVI in the afternoon. Our time with Zane was a little different today. His nanny was there (she's been off the last two days), and he was fussy when she gave him to me. He is clearly attached to her, which is good because it shows he is getting the attention and care he needs. He is obviously a favorite to all of the nannies. They all say his name and kiss him when they walk by, but his assigned nanny is particularly attached. She is being so good about trying to hand him over to us, let us feed him, and trying to stay out of sight when we are there for his sake. It's such a difficult transition. My heart breaks for her and for him. In the long run, it is better for him to be with us, as she is giving care to about 15 toddlers, but it still feels weird taking him from her sometimes.

When I was able to calm him down, all he wanted to do today was walk. We walked up and down the court yard of the transition home countless times, watched the older boys play soccer, tried the stairs a few times, and watched kids play on the playground. He loves to observe others. His walking is coming along. You can tell he wants to be playing with the older kids and running around. After tons of walking, we played a little on the porch and then he completely passed out in my arms. It was a great feeling to have him comfortable enough to sleep with me holding him. I hope each day, he learns to trust us more.

This afternoon, when we saw Zane's orphanage, I was so blessed. The owner, Elizabeth, runs a fantastic facility there. We got to see Zane's picture on the wall, the bed he slept in, and the nanny who cared for him. We also went into the school and gave out some toys (chinese yo-yos, frisbees, suckers, cars, and other little trinkets). They were so excited and so gracious. The kids were all very young - under 9. There was another American family there from California. They were adopting a little girl from the orphanage. This orphanage held the most beautiful ceremony for her. They did a traditional coffee ceremony for the adults, had the agency's representative speak about the child and how much she is loved by the nannies, read aloud a letter for the child to read when she is older from the orphanage and how much she meant to them, and prayed in Amharic and English for the girl and her new family. It was beautiful. Afterward, everyone celebrated with bottled soda (adults only), juice (kids), some kind of traditional cake (like a pancake but more sugar), cookies, and an Ethiopian "chex mix" of sorts. It was so incredible to watch, and we were so happy that child would have all of it on video when she is older. I was so thankful that Zane was in the care of these amazing people for a short time. They all remembered him and told us how special he was.

Day 3 - Church, Transition Home, and Traditional Dinner

2011-07-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

Today began with hope. We slept so well last night, woke up early to the sounds of roosters (and barking dogs), and we went up to the terrace to see the most beautiful view of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

Next, we ate breakfast at the guest house with five other American families, and we loaded the vans to go to the international evangelical church. This church was PACKED with people from all over the world. The pastor is an American, and the praise team is American, Ethiopian, and maybe others. They have two services, both of which were full. The music was great! Hillsong songs were sung predominately, which I LOVE! The pastor's message was about fear. Hmmmmm...the minute I saw the sermon title, I knew I was meant to be there.

Since our arrival here in Addis, I have enjoyed every minute; however, I have become increasingly anxious about Mark's departure on July 22nd. I will stay here until the U.S. embassy decides to clear our adoption, which could be 12 weeks or more with the rainy season beginning August 8th. It is very nerve-racking to me to imagine myself navigating this city that is so very different from what I'm used to, especially not speaking the language. I have said aloud to Mark a couple times since we have been here, "I'm scared." The Lord has heard me, and this morning he spoke directly to me.

As I sat on the terrace I read the chapter I happened to be on in 2 Samuel. Chapter 24 is about David being called by God to build an alter on the threshing floor of Araunah. He has been told by God to buy it from him, build an alter there, and worship the Lord. David obeys, and Araunah emphatically says, "Oh King, I give you all of this. Take whatever..." He wanted King David to have it for free. However, David insists on paying Araunah for the threshing floor. David could have easily rationalized the "free alter" as a gift from God and claimed it as the Lord's favor, but David remembered God's words..."buy it from him." I love that David obeyed even the details of God's call. Then David says, "I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." Whoa. I felt like God gave me those words to reflect on today. What am I so scared of? What is the cost of staying in Ethiopia? My comfort? My security or safety? And what does the Lord want from me? A sacrifice that cost me something. I worship the Lord every Sunday in America, and I spend time with God in his word and in prayer. But it costs me nothing to do these good things in the comfort of my own home and my home church. It is easy. God is calling me to sacrifice.

If that wasn't a word from God that was clear enough, the pastor spoke on one of my FAVORITE passages from scripture that I memorized when I was a teen, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise. In God I trust. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56. I was reminded by his message that God's perfect love casts out fear, and that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind, and that my fears should drive me to love. These words really caused me to think about what my purpose is here. Yes, I have predominately come for my son. I want to bring him home as soon as possible. But why am I here when I'm not bonding with him at the transition home? Is it just that I'm waiting on government red tape? Oh Lord, let it not be! What a waste it would be if I spent my time here complaining about the process, the government, the difficulties of a new place. I am here to sacrifice myself, and love these people as God loves them. Every moment is an opportunity for someone to experience the peace and love of God through me. I want to remember that in the low times when it gets hard to spend another day here and I just want to go home. God is doing a new thing through me each day.

The rest of the day was filled with much more peace than I've had since I've been here. Our time with Zane was precious. He laughed, played, and reached for us to hold him. His guard was down a bit more today, and we found out that he has a precious little friend in his room that is being adopted by a family we know. It was a wonderful time together today.

Tonight's traditional dinner was an amazing even filled with food, dancing, and great conversation with our America World travel group here. I'll post a video about that later. Right now, it takes too long to upload.

We appreciate your prayers and kind words on facebook and email. Love you all!

Day 2 1/2 - 12 Hour Flight to Addis and Meeting our Son!

2011-07-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today could not have gone any better. The flight to Addis Ababa was pleasant. Not too boring. Ethiopian Airlines was really nice! All of our luggage made it to the airport as we landed! (Another miracle!) We only had 2 hours of sleep or so on the plane so we were a bit tired. We stood for about 10 minutes at the luggage carrel, only to realize that our luggage had been pulled and set aside already near a post. HA! We were so out of it!
As soon as we made it through customs, I heard the most pleasant voice say, "You must be Cimbrey! (pronounced correctly!)" I said, "And you must be JOB!" It was our travel guide with America World, a native of Addis Ababa. He then introduced us to our driver, and we immediately hit it off with jokes and laughing.
When we made it to the guest house, we met 4 other American couples here for their court dates. They have been a lot of fun to be with. Job gave us the option of staying at the guest house to sleep or going to the cathedral (where Haile Selaisse is burried) tour they had planned, and, of course, Mark and I couldn't pass up the opportunity. We were thrilled to see one of the oldest Orthodox churches in Addis.

Afterward, we had pizza and Khaldi's (Ethiopian starbucks) coffee, and we were off to the transition home!

The nannies had to wake Zane up from a nap to come meet us. He was sleepy, but so sweet, not fussy at all. He just wanted to be held the whole time. His sweet head just rested on my shoulder for most of the three hours we were with him. We played with cars (a favorite), read a Tow Mater book (interactive book with sounds), and a jungle animal game I had on my iPad. He was very curious, and he loves to observe people and things. While cautious, he did try a couple new games today. His personality is so easy-going and sweet. He is a peaceful little fellow who seems to let others have the spotlight.

Day 1 of Travel

2011-07-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

( I couldn't get an internet connection until now, so I'm posting this a little late. Sorry!)

Today is step one of our trip to Ethiopia: Destination – Washington D.C.!

We woke up at around 6:00 a.m. and hurried around trying to get last minute packing done. Since I am staying for possibly 3 months, depending on embassy clearance timelines, we have two containers filled with food and must-haves like paper towels and macaroni and cheese! We get one other back to check on the plane a piece, so that left room for diapers, baby wipes, and toiletries. We have two carry-on bags a piece as well, with clothing and electronics. Basically, we look like gypsies.

Tonight we flew in to Dulles airport, fought a lady who tried to take my bag that looked “just like hers”, received ALL of our checked luggage at baggage claim (HALLELUJAH! Miracle #1…check!) We are staying overnight at Embassy Suites in the Washington D.C. area. Our travel agent (Lindsey at Golden Rule is the BEST!) got us a hotel for free since we had a layover. I was expecting it to feel like a free hotel, you know, where you think if you close your eyes, the roaches and spiders will come out of the walls and slide into your bed, and craw into your ears… This hotel is anything but a “free feeling” hotel! It’s beautiful and comfortable, and it has swans in an indoor pond on the first floor. What? Oh, and the best part is, made-to-order breakfast tomorrow morning!

Tomorrow we will leave from D.C. at noon to head to Addis Ababa! We arrive tomorrow at 11ish p.m. (US time) and 8 a.m. (ET time). We will put our bags in the hotel and head to the transition home to meet Zane for the first time! Pray for our meeting with him that God will miraculously cause him to understand that we are his parents and that we love him. (Oh, and while you pray, pray our luggage makes it to Addis from D.C.! Having loads of luggage is not how the Brannans roll. Anyone who knows Mark knows how compact and tidy he likes to be at all times! We have so much luggage it’s embarrassing.)

Enjoy these pics of the trip so far!

Our luggage: J

Embassy Suites D.C.:

Packing and Praying

2011-06-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

Mark and I will leave on June 7th for Ethiopia. Right now, we are packing and praying for our trip. I've never packed to stay in another country for around three months, so my days have been spent packing, unpacking, and repacking for two days!

Please pray for our court appointment. MOWCYA is currently behind in writing recommendation letters for families, and this document is a must to pass court. We need God to supernatural speed up the letter writing, and help MOWCYA get caught up so we can pass court on July 13th. We also are praying that the U.S. Embassy has favor on Zane's case and that there is no need for further review or investigation. Pray for clear documentation, clearance, and a favorable declaration within 4-6 weeks of passing court.

Also pray for Mark and I as we meet Zane for the first time. Pray that he will be comfortable with us and quickly know us as his parents. Pray for our time together to be a time of bonding.

Lastly, we know that Zane's birthmother will travel soon to Addis Ababa to give her consent to the court before our court appointment. Pray that she makes it safely to court (a distance of 11 hours), she has courage to give her consent, and that God gives her peace.

Thank you for your prayers!

Long Overdue Update!

2011-06-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

WE HAVE A COURT DATE! JULY 13th!!!
I need to back up a bit to catch you up on where we are in our adoption right now.
On May 30th Mark and I sent Zane another little care package in the mail to a family that will deliver it to him the week of June 23rd (that's next week!). He received his first care package the week of May 26th, so it will be about a month in between his first and second care packages.
Here's what we sent:

Shortly after I mailed this to the family bringing it over, I got an email from our family coordinator that Zane was sick with minor "little kid" illnesses. Poor thing! It's really hard to get a call like that when you're on pins and needles waiting for a court date and you just want your child to come home!

Just a few days after receiving this news, Mark and I saw the "703" number on our phone! We freaked out knowing it was our agency calling, put it on speaker phone, and answered excitedly, "Hello!" only to be told that our child's home region was requesting a census. Ahhhhhhh. Zane had to travel 11 hours in a van with two guides and other children to be counted in the census. (This story sounds awfully familiar, right? Aside from the fact that our child was going to East Ethiopia in a bus, not Bethlehem on a donkey! There are things to be thankful for!) Needless to say we were praying for our little boy's body to be healed, and his time in the car to be peaceful.

Somewhere in between the call about Zane traveling and the next event my brother came home from Iraq for a short leave. So I traveled to Houston to spend the week with him and my mom and dad!

A few days later, I was looking on facebook and found a couple with our agency that had posted pictures of Harar! Much to my surprise, there were Americans there with the children because their child was one of the ones requested for the census. There court date was right around the same time, so they went to their child's home region with them! What a great opportunity to get to know their child's home town! I immediately facebooked the Americans and he reported great things about Zane's travels and health. I was so happy! I sent him a photo consent so he could even take a few pictures for me! I got one of him sleeping in Harar, and several others from the transition home when they arrived back in Addis. He looked healthier than we had ever seen him! What a blessing!

During Zane's trip to Harar, we were called with our court date!! Obviously, this has been an exciting week for us! Mark was in Amsterdam, so I had to email him with the news and wait for him to respond! (Longest 10 minutes of my life...) I should interject here that Mark was out of town when we received our referral as well. Looks like Mark being out of town brings us good luck! :) JK

Friday we had a wonderful shower at our "parents'" house in New Orleans. This couple has mentored us and become an extended family to us while we have lived here the past 8 years. My parents and brother drove back with me to attend the shower, and about 60 of our friends from First Baptist New Orleans came! It was so much fun! It was a Friday night couples shower, which I highly recommend. No games, just conversation, food, laughter, and fun! Such wonderful memories!

So now we are rushing to make sure all paperwork in our dossier is up-to-date, reserving flights, creating packing lists, applying for visas, shopping for last minute stuff to pack, setting up Zane's room, washing clothes, writing thank-yous, arranging a place for our dogs to stay, etc.

Our prayer requests are...

1. For Zane to have an open heart toward us when we meet.

2. For the court to pass us on the first court date (only 60% of families pass due to missing paperwork) and that MOWCYA (Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs) has our "letter" (very important) ready at court.

3. For Mark to have a safe trip back to the states and my mom to have a safe trip to Addis Ababa on July 22nd.

4. For Zane and me to have a safe and productive stay together in Ethiopia between court and embassy clearance after family leaves. (August 7 - August ?)

5. For the embassy to see no further need for investigation.

6. For us to have safe travels home in a timely manner.

Thank you for your prayers!

Zane's First Care Package

2011-05-05T16:51:00.000-07:00

and I are eagerly awaiting a court date for Zane. Every day we check the Yahoo Group (our agency's unofficial network of parents) to see who's gotten calls, and we pray each day that God will allow more families to be approved by the embassy to return home with their children. Right now there are about 20 families who have passed court and are waiting to bring their children home. Please pray with us for the Embassy in Ethiopia to process these families quickly and efficiently.

The nice thing about America World is that this Yahoo Group we are a part of is one of the greatest networks of adoptive parents in the world. We pray together, get updates, and keep track of weekly needs. Families will offer to take pictures and deliver care packages to children who are waiting on their parents' court appointments. We are fortunate to have several families who have volunteered to do this for us as we wait! What a blessing!

Yesterday, we were able to see what our little boy looks like when he first wakes up from a nap because our friend, Candace, was able to take pictures. These are precious to us while we are away from him!

Today I completed our first care package that we will send with another family who is leaving on May 22nd. It includes only "ESSENTIAL" items...two FIGHTIN' TEXAS AGGIE shirts, "Daddy's Handyman" pjs, Lightening McQueen (from Cars), a photo album of Mama, Daddy, grandparents, and aunts and uncles, and a recordable Hallmark book.

The book, On the Night You Were Born, is beautiful. Its about how all of creation celebrates on the night that a child is born. It's based on Psalm 139:14, "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made!" It might be one of the best children's books I've read! The best part is we recorded ourself reading it, so Zane can get to know our voices! Until we can see him in person, this will have to do.

GOOD FRIDAY

2011-04-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is GOOD FRIDAY, and I can't pass up the opportunity to tell another aspect of Zane's referral story.

I hopped into my car at approximately 2:45 on Monday, April 18th to leave from work. Becky, my partner teacher, can verify that we NEVER leave this early. Since it was a short work week (we are off for Easter Thursday - Wednesday), we had little to prepare for after school.

Really, as I look back, it was the Holy Spirit prompting me to get to my phone that I ignorantly left in my car all day Monday. I rushed to check my email because every day AWAA friends post any news they may have received on a Yahoo Group I'm a member of. Monday, I didn't even have to open the Yahoo app because I had a "703" area code glaring at me in the missed calls window! I vaguely remember Kim, my AWAA buddy, said that she checks her phone every day for a 703 area code. I didn't even know their phone number! That shows you how unexpected this referral was! Of course, I immediately called the number back. Sure enough, it was Caitlin with our referral call for sweet little A (can't share his whole name online until we pass court).

As soon as I got off the phone with her, I called Mark and shared the exciting news. It was then that my mind turned to the radio. I wanted to remember every moment of the call so I could share it with Zane later. Music is so important to Mark and I, so it was on my heart to remember the song on the radio when Caitlin told us we had a little boy.

I nearly cried when I heard this song (below) playing. I blared it and struggled through a tight throat to sing it aloud as I drove home. It is a song of hope, deliverance, and most importantly, salvation. Good Friday is "good" because it is the day that God made us right with him through the death of Jesus. It is the day that God made the way for us to be adopted as His sons through Christ. Without Good Friday, we would be Fatherless, struggling to spiritually connect to a God that we could never measure up to. Because of Christ, we have been made righteous, pure, and clean children of God.

The second verse of the song is the part that I tuned into as I turned on the radio Monday afternoon. I believe God spoke this to me about my son, who so desperately needs to know Jesus is with him even now.
It says, "The weak find their strength in the sound of your great Name. Hungry souls receive grace at the sound of your great Name. The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of your great Name!" Praise you, Lord! You are with Zane when we cannot be!

Listen to the words of this beautiful Natalie Grant song and praise His GREAT NAME with us!

REFERRAL!

2011-04-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

My last post was to announce that we had been waiting 6 months for a referral for a child. Well, after 6 months and three weeks the wait is OVER! (For a referral anyway...) I was almost ready to use my number 7, which would have looked like this cute number...

BUT WE ARE HAPPY TO NEVER USE THE GOOD 'OLE NUMBER 7 WHEN IT HAS TO DO WITH WAITING!

We are so excited to end this phase of waiting and announce that we are pursuing a 17 month old baby boy from east Ethiopia! He's got the biggest brown eyes and the sweetest face you've ever seen. I can't wait until we pass court so we can officially post his picture and information to prove to all that he really is the most attractive, talented, and smart kid alive. (Just kidding...sort of...)

One cool feature he has is a dimpled chin. Can I just remind you that Jacob (Taylor Lautner) also has a dimpled chin? Just saying.

We are amazed at God's timing and the beauty of receiving our referral during Holy Week! God has been gracious! He caused the death angel to "pass over" the Israelite boys two and under on Passover (which officially began at sunset on Monday, the day we received the call). It was a great reminder that God is protecting our little one and that He is the King of Kings. No matter what Kings and Presidents decree, God will trump all authority and defend the cause of the fatherless.

It is no coincidence that God impressed on us the name, Zane, as it is Hebrew for John and means "God is gracious." Grace is the unmerited favor of God, the unconditional love He gives expecting NOTHING in return. That is what Easter is all about! Jesus taking on the sins of the world, so we wouldn't have to. Why? Because we are indescribably loved by God. Zane's Ethiopian name (which remains electronically confidential until we pass court) will be kept as his middle name because it means "the new one". There are many implications of this. First, he is literally new to all of us. He is our first child and the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Second, he will physically take on a new life as he moves from the transition home to a new family in a different culture. Third, and most important, our prayer is that one day Zane will be made "new" in Christ as he chooses to have a relationship with Him and make Him the most important thing in His life. When he gives his heart over to Jesus, God will make all things "new".

The situation Zane is in is still very foreign. Pray that even now, Zane's heart will be refreshed with the new things God is doing in His life. Pray that he will be comforted by the arms of Jesus and recognize His presence even now. Pray that he will learn early that only God satisfies the deepest longings of his heart. And pray that God will fill him with the peace that transcends human understanding.

Thank you for your prayers! We are blessed to have wonderful support and encouragement through you!

6 Months Waiting!

2011-03-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

Today was one of the best days ever! Mark and I have officially been waiting for 6 months today, and we celebrated with Eli Tariku's homecoming! It was so much fun to meet up with a group of people at the airport to see the Palmers come home finally with Eli. He's such a sweet boy and so spirited!
We love you Tariku!

I took this short video of us playing in the backyard. The pink shirt is Anna (Mama), green shirt is Anna's brother-in-law (Tyler) the other girl is Anna's sister (rachel), and the tall guy is Jon (Daddy).

At the end you can hear Eli yell "Mama!" when he is running to Anna. So sweet!

Mission Ethiopia

2011-03-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

This is a small glimpse of one of Ethiopia's villages, Korah - one of the many reasons why we're asking you to pray for Ethiopia and decisions being made right now about adoption.

Please Pray...

2011-03-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

I put a bookshelf up of my favorite books! Shelfari has a great way to track what you've read, what you want to read, and share recommendations to friends! The ones on my shelf now are my recent "great reads". I'll try to change it up occasionally to cover different interests, but right now, I tried to include a variety of genres. I love reading! (Never thought I say that back when I was 12.) It's funny how you grow to love things as you get older. Now that I'm not forced to read books for school, I think reading is one of my favorite pastimes.

I'm currently reading The Connected Child, by Karen Purvis. It's about nurturing children and forming healthy attachments and bonds. I thought it would be beneficial to read for our adoption; however, I'm finding that its enlightening me to the needs of every child, including those in my classroom. It covers everything from making eye contact with children to empowering children to make choices. I think it's a must read for anyone who has or works with kids.

Speaking of kids...

the real reason I am writing this post is to give an update of our adoption! I digress when the subject is unpleasant, and that's what adoption has been for me for the past week. Because I hate complaining, I will start with the positives of the week.

1. Mardi Gras was a blast! My parents came for their first Mardi Gras and we had so much fun visiting and relaxing. They even helped me paint the baby room a soft seafoam blue. LOVE IT!

2. Time with friends! Because I was off of school for a week, I had time to spend with friends hanging out in the beautiful weather watching parades go by, going to dinner, painting with Becky and other friends from school, getting my hair and nails done, and hanging out with my adoptive mom friend, Kristy!

3. I learned that our great friends here are adopting another little baby in the next few weeks and another friend's paperwork was submitted to Ethiopian embassy so her little boy can come home soon!

All these blessings are truly reasons to rejoice!

Now, the hard stuff...

Over the Mardi Gras break, we kept hearing rumors via email that Ethiopia may cut back in the number of adoptions they process each day. Finally, the news was confirmed when they announced a 90% decrease in the number of adoptions to the United States on the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services website. Our adoption agency immediately requested prayer and our people organized around-the-clock prayer teams across the country. (Wow! Just writing that made me realize what a huge blessing the AWAA support group of adoptive parents is!) Since the announcement, the U.S. has met with Ethiopia to discuss the needs of its adoption department to understand the announcement better and negotiate a more reasonable solution to the problems they may be facing. This meeting occurred Monday, March 14th, and there has not been follow-up announcements on that meeting, and all information posted on various websites speculates a possible closure to the country.

Obviously, I have been a mess over this news. It has really revealed a lot about my trust (or lack thereof) in God. I have gone back and forth between hope and despair as I read and search the internet for any clues about the future. I was convicted yesterday when I read on another blog this quote: "Worry and anxiety is pride because it frequently suggests that we are in control and that God is not active. It is a product of our lack of faith that God ..." Is that it? Do I believe my plans are better than God's? If I do, I have made myself a god in my own mind - I've believed a lie.

I want so badly to understand what God is doing right now, and I demand to know. When I don't feel like God is explaining "why", I leave his presence to go figure it out on my own. Only, I can't figure it out at all. Who knows the mind of God? I have to surrender and trust Him. Do I really believe that God is who He says He is?

"I am a Father to the fatherless..." Psalm 68:5

Do I believe that He will do what He says He will do?

"He defends the cause of the fatherless..." Deuteronomy 10:18

Lord help me overcome my unbelief!

This evening we received good news from our agency that negotiations are taking place in Ethiopia and they are hopeful Ethiopia will increase the number of adoptions they are able to process. We are thankful for this news, and we are asking all of you to pray with us for the leaders of MOWA (Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs) in Ethiopia to be burdened with compassion for orphans waiting for families and the families who wait for their children. Pray that they receive the assistance they need to process the amount of referrals they are given. Please pray for Zane, wherever he is that God will protect him, develop him into a healthy boy, and give him peace. And pray for all of the other 6 million orphans that go to sleep alone and afraid each night to be matched with a healthy, loving family as soon as possible.

Thank you for your prayers for this special country and for our family.

Pitter Patter Art

2011-02-16T15:00:00.000-08:00

Laura Kelley's having another awesome give-away on her blog. (Click on the word "blog" to see more about this new piece she's giving away!) She also has great art, clothing, etc. for sale on her website and proceeds go toward her adoption! Check it out!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

Mark and I celebrated Valentine's Day a day early since it falls on a Monday this year...Oh, and parent/teacher conferences were today! Those poor parents! I hope they all got good news so they can go out with their spouses and relax for Valentine's Day!

We went to Upperline for the first time. We've almost eaten our way through New Orleans. We have very few classic "must-do" restaurants left to try and Upperline was one of them. It was a great dinner. The fried green tomatoes with remoulade sauce was the best I've had in NOLA. The tomatoes were cooked al dente almost as if they were flash fried and the batter was perfectly seasoned. The shrimp remoulade sauce was delicious with plump shrimp and mustard seeds still visible in the sauce. Yummy! We both got the slow cooked roasted duck with a peach ginger sauce and pecan brown sugar sweet potatoes. The sweet potatoes could have been dessert! Finally, we finished the meal off with a honey pecan bread pudding with toffee sauce. AND THIS IS WHY YOU AUTOMATICALLY GAIN 20 LBS. WHILE LIVING IN NEW ORLEANS. What they say about food in NOLA is absolutely true. It is the best in the world. The dishes are creative, cooked to perfection, and served with true southern hospitality. Next we stopped by my favorite sweet shop, Sucre, for a classic NOLA Cafe' Au Lait (coffee with chickory and steamed milk).

Today, Valentine's Day, I am a little delirious from rich food. I feel physically full, and I can't take any more food. Yet, I can't say that anything I ate was satisfying. I crave more. I love restaurants and being treated like a princess by my husband. He's so thoughtful and appreciative of me, and he's the most fun person I've ever been around! Even with all that my husband is for me, I know that I will never be satisfied on this earth without the One True Love: Jesus. He IS love. Valentine's Day and every day is about being captured by God's ultimate gift to us. I wonder if the words, "God is love" have gotten old and overused to those of us that have heard it our entire lives. Do we really know what that means? It means God fully accepts us as we are, satisfies our deepest longings, cherishes time spent with us, wants us to really know Him, desires to show us what He is capable of in our lives, and proves to us no one else will ever be enough. As much as I love my husband (and great food), He will never fulfill my soul. GOD IS LOVE. Only He can fill me. We in our greatest efforts can only make mediocre attempts to mimic God's love to others. But it is boundless and knows no ends, reckless enough to cause Him to sacrifice His own son, and zealous for all to receive it. There is no greater love than this.

What's my Valentine's Day plan? Curl up, get my Bible, and let God remind me in His word of His love for me. "Because His love is better than life, my lips will glorify Him..." (Psalm 63)

4 Months Today!

2011-01-24T15:58:00.000-08:00

The Brannans have been on the official wait list 4 months today for our Ethiopian child(ren)! This feels like a huge accomplishment; although we've done absolutely nothing but WAIT.

Well, I can't say absolutely nothing. We still go to work every day, we go to church on Sundays, we sing in the praise team, we have dinner with friends, we do date-night...so I guess we're not completely idol.

Waiting on anything is not my strong suit to say the least. Just ask Mark. In some ways, that's good, like I don't procrastinate in most things. I run around doing everything as it comes up, so I don't have to have something sitting on a list for later. It drives me nuts to put off tasks! Let's get it done now! However, not waiting patiently for others makes my heart beat faster, it makes my eyes search around the room like a lunatic, and it makes my legs shake with anticipation. I want to jump in there and "help" people finish their stories, draw a conclusion about a situation, or scream, "Get to the point!" Clearly, this is not going to help my current situation as a waiting adoptive mother. No amount of twitching and yelling will bring Zane home sooner.

Waiting for anything is a humbling and refining process. In the first few weeks of waiting, there is still passion for the goal, hope for the shortest wait ever, and giddiness over a new journey. After the honeymoon period subsides, waiting becomes difficult. When we don't see progress, or we lose focus on the goal, waiting feels like running head first into a brick wall over and over again. We get tired, forget the purpose and eventually, stop running. We protect ourselves from the pain of rejection, hopelessness, or just plain silence. And the result? Complete despair.

It's no wonder why in Psalm 130, the writer uses terminology to suggest waiting as an "active duty". God never intended waiting to be an idol and joyless actively, yet we believe the lie that God may not come through for us and we must sit in self-protection while we wait. God will come through, and he will not forget his promise and his purpose in our lives.

Psalm 130:5-6 says, "I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."

Do you hear that? Waiting involves our entire being! Our minds, bodies, spirits, and souls are fully engaged when we wait for the Lord. We read his word and mentally tune into what He wants to say to us every day. We physically move where he wants us to impact the world for His kingdom. We listen to His Spirit speak peace, joy, and hope over us as we are reminded of the long-term goal. We notice God moving and working and being in every aspect of our lives as our souls are filled with joy at His work in the world around us. Our waiting is active "more than a watchman waiting for the morning." Watchmen on the towers of city walls do not sleep on the job. Their livelihood depends on actively noticing every shadow and every sound approaching their city. There was no "drifting off" or "losing focus" because laziness meant certain death.

I can't tell you how it does my heart good to know that God is active and He expects me to be active with Him in my waiting. I am not a powerless bystander waiting for an unknown cause. My King has a battle plan and I have a responsibility to follow His commands. Self-pity, isolation, and set-backs are lies and have no power to thwart the plans of our God, and I have a choice every day to actively participate in God's plan, or give myself over to self-focused depression. More than I want my way, I want to know Him. And that's worth waiting for.